A Yankee's Guide to Texas

Thus My Lack of Posting....

2009-05-26T09:18:00.007-06:00

This Luch Sucks

2009-05-19T22:07:00.002-06:00

I'm tired of making lemonade. I have had my effing fill of lemonade. Just keep your damn lemons to yourself or ask someone else to make lemonade out of them because I, for one, am not doing it anymore. And, that shit sandwich you're serving? I'm eating it alright. But if you expect me to eat it politely with a knife and fork - well, then - just hell no. I won't.

As If You Care....

2009-04-09T08:54:00.003-06:00

...Which I'm sure you don't. here is our brick...

2009-04-08T22:11:00.003-06:00

Still. Not one tear. Yet right at the brink all of the time.

ANNOYING!

On the bright side. Have a brick selected for new house.

The new house that won't ever get finished because they still haven't started!

It's Kinda Like When You Drink Too Much And Know You'd Feel Better If You Just Gagged Yourself and Got It Overwith

2009-04-05T18:57:00.003-06:00

Not that I'd know anything about that...

Moving on...

So, have you seen The Holiday with Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslett? If you haven't, its pretty good as chic fliks go...good enough that Ive seen it three times and have not wanted to gouge my eyes out yet. Anywho, Cameron's character, Amanda, can NOT cry. She wants to. She tries. There is a funny sequence of her trying all sorts of ways to bring on the tears to no avail. THIS IS ME, PEOPLE! WHAT is WRONG with me? I feel like I am on the teetering brink of a nuclear, crying meltdown about 96% of the time and yet, NOTHING. Nada. Zilch. I set aside a whole entire day alone last week to indulge myself. Read a sad book, have wine with lunch in the middle of the day by myself. Watch a sad movie. Wear my jammies and have myself a good, long, pitiful crying gag. NOTHING I tell you.

What does this say about me? How do I fix it? Should I fix it? AAARGH!

Excuse me.....

2009-04-01T21:51:00.001-06:00

But what the hell is this?????

Free Advice

2009-03-30T15:44:00.002-06:00

This is not the method I would prescribe if you want to sell your house quickly. Despite the popularity of the contrary saying, honesty is NOT ALWAYS the best policy.

What I Have Been Up To...

2009-03-30T06:50:00.011-06:00

I have been baking 2 -3 dozen oatmeal chocolate chips cookies per day. I have been running to Target to buy more Tahitian Vanilla votives and cucumber mint tealights. I have been reprinting fliers and disclosures. I have been answering the phone, fielding the questions, and scheduling the showings. I let them in. I left them to look and snoop while I drove around to my special hidden spot where I could see how long they were there, but I knew they could not see me. Basically, I have been running a 12 hour per day, 7 day a week open house. I have been keeping my house looking like this every minute of every day...Do you know how hard that is while still trying to live a life with three children and an absent husband????

BUUUT it all paid off. We received three offers this weekend, and one of them came with the the most perfect closing/leaseback timeline we could have only dreamed of. And they accepted our counter offer without a second thought. We are beside ourselves with excitement and total disbelief! Now, I need to go start researching new refrigerators because the new owners are getting our current one. Any suggestions???

The builder got our last permit on Friday. We are ready to go! Will schedule a pre-build meeting with builder this week. So, in my best Sarah Palin imitation, "BUILD, BABY, BUILD!"

However, underneath all of this happiness and excitement, we are well aware that we will cry like babies when it is actually time to leave.

The Third Little Pig

2009-03-11T07:50:00.002-06:00

Now, the third little pig was a smart little pig and knew he wanted to make his house out of brick. The big bad wolf could not blow down a house made of durable, beautiful brick. The third little pig looked and looked for a brick that was just right. He even called Goldilocks because she is the expert of "just right." The Pig and Goldilocks drove through countless neighborhoods, took hundreds of pictures, and looked at interesting houses in different times of day and sunlight. None of the bricks were just right. But, then, one day, they found the brick that was "just right!"

So, they called the house builder and said, "We have found the just right brick. We are so excited!"

And the builder said, "I know it is just right. BUT, I am so sorry. You cannot have it because the house right next door to you thought it was 'just right' too."

The Little Pig will have to keep looking.

In Which Grant Tells You Why MaryB Has Had No Time to Post

2009-03-04T23:51:00.004-06:00

That there dirt is now OUR dirt....the very beginning of a long, long road.

Grant Funnies

2009-02-15T17:49:00.002-06:00

Grant was a hoot this weekend. First of all, I REALLY wish I had pictures of him dancing at the school dance on Friday. SO SO SO funny! He did bring two balloons home from the dance. He was feeling artsy on Saturday morning after the dance.

Meet Harry Popper and Pinky:

Grant says that they are in love and like to kiss alot - especially on Valentine's Day. And, can we just stop for a moment and realize how adorable, smart, witty and clever he is that he gave the boy balloon round spectacles and named him "Harry Popper" all on his own. I know I am his mother and therefore biased but I'm just gonna say that I think it is awfully clever for a five year old to come up with that kind of play on words.

In a more disturbing turn of events...Saturday morning found us sleeping in late and Grant finally came in and crawled in the bed. He was chatting with mom and dad when he remembered that it was Valentine's Day. Rich asked him if he knew what Valentine's Day was about. Grant said, "yes. it is when you pull your pants down and spread your love around the whole world." WTH? WHO the heck are this kid's parents? They must be some seriously effed-up people. I'm just sayin.

What Do You Do When You Haven't Blogged in Weeks? You Ask For Opinions!

2009-02-12T22:10:00.006-06:00

Most of you are well aware that I haven't been posting because I am completely overwhelmed by my life right now. Crazytown gets crazier and crazier. We are still house hunting and mulling over moving. I think we are pretty sure that we are going to forge ahead. I think we are pretty surprised to discover WHERE we most enjoyed being while house shopping (Oh my! will there ever be a lot of crow to be be eaten by yours truly! Roasted, fried, grilled, broiled, all of it. SO. MUCH. CROW.)

So, we, at the moment, have two houses in mind. One is the clear front runner, but there will have to be much negotiating of the price and terms. The dilemna you get to guide me about comes into play with house the second choice....

Remember these peeps?

Obviously, we are good friends, yes? They are fabulous. Their kids? Adorable and fabulous.

Well, they just bought a new house. Guess where it is? One over from our house choice #2. Is that weird? On the one hand it sounds like a blast! John Daly's in the driveway and by the pool and fire pit when-the-heck-ever. Kids can play when ever. Pilot/reservist hubs gone? Built in company for the gals/moms! Sounds awesome! They think it would be awesome too. (or so they tell us!)

So, why does it feel so weird to me? Like we are crazy, stalker friends? Maybe they wont like us so much when they live one house over...that would make me sad.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? I NEED TO KNOW!

Also, I'm hoping all the worry will be for naught and that seller's of house choice the first** will be desperate to sell and meet our offer (if we ever get the nerve to actually MAKE the offer!)

**It should be noted for the discussion's sake that the first choice house is also technically in "the neighborhood." When I say "neighborhood" I mean a HUGEASS community that is now technically its own city and,in fact, has its own zip code. The first choice house is in a separate section/neighborhood of the masterplanned community. Probably in the section the furthest away from them actually. It should also be noted that often when we discuss pros/cons of each of the houses we always know which one is the first choice, but always end the conversation with, "BUT it's not one door down from G&K."

Crazytown is still crazy, but we eat well!

2009-02-03T14:32:00.002-06:00

Okay, so when the going gets tough, the tough get eating (or drinking, or maybe both!)! I have absolutely no business being at this computer blogging AT ALL, but this was SO good that I'd feel guilty to not share it - especially since it is Tuesday!

Use the this link to find the recipe, but just go buy yourself a grocery rotisserie chicken. Also, I only used two tablespoons of the curry paste (I use the Madras hot blend). I added just a touch of soy to the sauce. I only sprinkled cilantro over Rich's and Jamie's as they actually like the stuff (I obvs don't!) I served it over, what else? Of course I served it over jasmine rice cooked in half coconut milk/half water in place of whatever amount of liquid you need. Make this now! It is so good. Total comfort food!!!!

Call me when you make it - Ill be right over with some Firefly and lemons!

A Quick Bullet Point Tour of Crazytown

2009-01-07T16:22:00.008-06:00

* Leaving my beloved new kitchen to move to the burbs. Is that sudden or what ?@$&#!?
* Subsequent freaking out about staging of this house and OBSESSING about neighborhoods, schools, houses and prices in the new place...
* Science Fair
* Cleaning out closets, garage, and EVERYTHING and staging it all and painting and finishing all remodeling projects to get ready to put house on market
* Rich left for his detachment
* But not before some idiot stole his bag with credit cards, passports, his freakin' FEDERAL LAW ENFORCEMENT BADGE! etc, etc, etc You cannot imagine the disaster that was his last night home
* Thankfully, said idiots appeared to have ditched the bag on side of the road, minus credit cards and RayBans, when they discovered aforementioned badge.
* Speeding ticket issued to me on way home from dropping Rich at airport for 3 week det when I TOTALLY WAS NOT SPEEDING - WTF WTF WTF?
* The fact that I , very nicely, respectfully, and politely, pointed this fact out to Officer NumNuts pissed him off so that he also gave me a citation for be "uninsured" because my proof of insurance card expired last week...He totally refused to look me up in the system or to let me call USAA and let them tell him.
* Rich texted from plane/airport asking me to bid for him and I totally do not know how to do that. THANK the good Lord for friends who I can call and then just start to cry and then their wonderful, wonderful husbands take care of it for me. Dear G and K - i love you!

NO WAY!

2009-01-05T10:44:00.003-06:00

So, I was out running errands and someone stopped me to ask about my blog. Apparently I have a blog?

Sorry to be a tease. Ill be back I promise. Lots and lots going on over here in Crazyville.

If all of you would get your butts on fb and be my friend we could keep up even when Im neglecting the blog!

0800 Status Report

2008-12-15T08:03:00.003-06:00

0745 - MaryB in pajamas helping load kids into the carpool driver's car.

0746 - MaryB is locked out of her house

Current Weather conditions: 27 degrees and gusty winds.

MaryB is wearing what? Oh yes, her jammies.

Lovely start to a week that was already looking like hell...

Fail....But Then Success...And Then Maybe More Fail

2008-12-10T21:29:00.004-06:00

So, my beloved WHBM failed me. They will not be getting that cute, white, tiered top in stores, in a size that will fit me, and I do not have time to order one. The good news is that I will now be wearing an outfit that cost me exactly ZE-RO dol-lah! Yea!

For those of you who may care (very very few and I don't know why even they would care) I'll be wearing the red strapless top (but with the velvet sash tied in the back)borrowed from Jennifer, and my very favorite black pants ever. The wide legs could NOT be worn with such a gathered, full top! The other good news is that someone, an angel possibly, returned the necklace I have been lusting after at WHBM... and I still had my trusty, dusty gift card! So, now I have two pretty necklaces to choose from on Saturday, and the the one I do not wear will get prettily wrapped and hidden in a stocking by Santa himself on Christmas Eve! Win-win all around. So, yeah! (But, SOMEONE please buy that white top - it is bee-ooo-ti-ful!)

So, how are all of you Santas doing checking off your lists???? I need to sit down and re-assess the status of the lists after I get all the nosey children into their beds! I am usually D.O.N.E. by now. And, by done, I mean bought, wrapped, hidden, separated, and Ready To Go! And all out of town gifts, wrapped, packed, and shipped. The big sickness of 2008 really took a toll and I am so so far behind this year! I do not even have a Christmas card picture taken! I'm thinking we will all wear black and white and send out one of those fun silvery New Year's cards this year. OMG - that will ROYALLY piss off my husband! But, seriously, did you notice up there how I fill my own stocking??? I do EVERYTHING in terms of the holidays with the exception of hanging the outside lights. So, he should just shut it, right????? Speaking of this, I've been meaning to ask you girls... Do you select and buy the gifts for your spouse's parents/family? I mean SERIOUSLY, doesn't it stand to reason that HE would have a better idea of what to get his father than I would???

Am I loser if I really do send out New Year's Cards? People must do it, since they make them now. Ill make them really cute, I promise!

Another Cost Cutting Measure I would Avoid

2008-12-09T22:52:00.006-06:00

Forever 21. Holy Crap. That stuff looks sooooo cute online. In person - total C.R.A.P.!!! As if the prices shouldnt have told me this BEFORE venturing there. Fabrics = crap. Construction = crap. Size regulation = crap.

The winning outfit for the holiday party for which it will be FREEZING and we will be venturing outside (basically glorified bar hopping for grown ups):

NECKLACE:

TOP: ( I think I have finally used up all of my WHBM gift certificate with this purchase!)

PANTS: (this picure doesnt accurately portray just how WIDE-leg they really are...)

A Public Service Announcement

2008-12-09T22:40:00.003-06:00

Let me give you some advice. The economy is kicking all of our arses right now. We all need to cut corners, trim the fat, reign in the spending, etc, etc, (Pick your own colloquialism)

Here are two ideas I will save you from trying:

1. Do not wax your own legs. It is a total PIA and the wax does not peel off in big, nice strips. It flakes off in little pieces. I have a darn high threshold for pain when it comes to waxing. So, don't go assuming it was because I lacked the fortitude to really do it right. No, home waxing just has a steep learning curve and is NOT NOT NOT worth the effort. By the time you spend money for wax and other supplies and then see how long it takes to do it right, you realize that a leg wax at European Skin Care isn't so expensive after all.

2. Aquafresh White Trays work like a dream. All the strip style home whiteners have been dismal failures for me. They do not git in my mouth, they slide around and generally annoy the crap out of me. The Aquafresh trays stay put. they mold to fit. They are perfect. HOWEVER, my teeth and gums have been suffering weird, painful twinges all day long. Strangest, most unpleasant sensation. Maybe I should just try giving up the coffee and thus reduce my need for whitening. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... AS IF!!!! Oh Holy Sheet!!! As I am sitting here, RIGHT THE HECK NOW typing this, a commercial just popped up on the telly for "NEW Aquafresh Gentle Care Whitening Trays" that comes with a special toothpaste to prepare your teeth and gums in case the whitening agent bothers you.....Something that would have been nice to know about YES-TER-DAY!!!!!

In the Mood

2008-12-08T11:50:00.004-06:00

....No not for THAT! For Christmas spirit and joy.

Its share time. I'll tell you my favorite Christmas CDs/music...you all do the same in the comments or on your blog. If on your blog, then leave a comment/link in the comments. My list of favorites is likely to give away my true old-lady, mellow nature...

1. All-purpose wonderful, beautiful music:

*Christmas Blessings by Tom Baroco - All I can tell you is that it is just BEAUTIFUL. It will lift your spirits, and put you in the spirit of the season. Seriously, if you only own one album- this is THE ONE! Buy it now!

*A Winter's Solstice by Windam Hill - no description or reason necessary, right?

* Miracle by Kenny G - yes, I like it - you do too, you just wont admit it out loud. Funny note about this one: we have a good friend who refuses to listen to this anytime or anywhere because he finds it truly offensive to listen to Christmas music from a Jewish artist. I think its STOOPID, but find it hilarious for some inexplicable reason.

* October Road by James Taylor - Its not all Christmas, but its a fab album and his rendition of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" is PERFECTION for keeping the materialism in check. Something about they way he sings of "precious friends" really gets the message into your heart.

2. My Favorite fun Albums:

* Harry Connick - Harry For the Holidays (Really, do you need a reason for this one?)

* Diana Krall's Christmas Songs - We all know that I LOVE and ADORE her. Sophisticated, Fun, and at times Sultry. End of story. I do not care if you are a jazz snob who thinks she is a sell-out. Give it a chance, you will fall in love with her when your Grinch heart grows as you listen.

Elf soundtrack - MOST ESPECIALLY the Zooey Deschanel and Will Ferrell version of "Baby, Its Cold Outside." In some ways, this song is "our song." It is THE SONG that everything in the house stops for. Everyone sings, mom and dad dance in the kitchen. Its fabulous, happy and fun! I would say that this songs loops on continuous play at our house far more than once during the holidays. It kind of defines the MaryB Christmas Experience.

On a related note, I would like to thank the cantor at the Cathedral, or the music director, or whoever is responsible for the fact that they sing Veni, Veni, Emmanuel - all the verses, in the Latin. A moving Advent reflection!

Unfortunately I Am NOT Forever 21

2008-12-06T21:04:00.007-06:00

Do you have to be under 30 to get away with wearing opaque tights with a party dress? I think the trend is totally adorable, but am thinking that a girl my age might look like she is trying too hard to be younger than she is. And, ironically, people who try to dress too young for their age tend to look OLDER than their age, doncha think?

The root cause of this dilemma??? This dress...The second I saw it, I just knew it would be perfect with opaque black tights and some black, very tall, ankle-strap heels...

That is what I WANT to wear. In reality, Ill probably end up wearing this top (because I already have it) with some wide leg back crepe trousers....UNLESS any of you can convince me otherwise!

Is This Thing Still On?

2008-12-02T09:30:00.004-06:00

Well, hello there. How are you? I've missed you all so!

Where I've been:

some crappy stuff that was non-bloggable, yet brain consuming so that I couldnt blog about anything else.
PTO craziness - meetings and happenings and planning galore...
Informal interview RE teaching 8th grade pre-algebra at boys' school next year. Still dont know if I want to do that or not...lean towards yes, but not sure..
having friends over for Cajun feast only to have a MAJOR plumbing disaster flood my kitchen with black sludge when they were on their way here from the burbs up north in DFW rush-hour hell. Had to tell them to turn around and go home.
Plumbing fixed, had them come the next day.
The day after that was cooking and cleaning for Turkey day.
then, it was Turkey day and I the food and company were fabulous, but later that night i started to come down with something and so did Grant and Connor.
next day, Grant and i were sick as dogs. Grant ended up with a z-pack and a nebulizer. i thought I could just kick it the natural way...ha ha ha ha ha.. it is now Tuesday and I'm crying uncle. headed to doctor to BEG for help and meds.
My mom gets here tonight for our annual shopping and wrapping extravaganza. Have been making lists upon sub-lists, upon cross-referenced lists to prepare....
Having more party fashion crises. Need personal, live in advice giver. What is with all the catalogues and the almost opaque tights with cocktail dresses and open-toed shoes???? Are colored stockings back in?? December nights roaming downtown are too cold for bare legs, right?

Okay, so much more to tell you, but the shutter installation people will be here any minute and i am still in my snowman jammies ... we'll talk more soon. i promise...I wont be gone so long this time! Hope you are all well...be ready to tell me all the things you and your kids have on your Christmas lists, mkay? I'm always looking for great ideas an deals!

Documented for Posterity

2008-11-11T21:14:00.005-06:00

11/11/2008 9:08pm

Rich said to MaryB:

" You have all the freedom and flexibility in the world. You have no schedule, no job, and no boss. You aren't tied down to anything."

Absolutely NOTHING MaryB said in reply can be reproduced here. This is a prime-time, non-skinemax, PG rated blog.

A New Plan

2008-11-10T11:36:00.003-06:00

I swear. I'm going to stop writing anything here and just start right clicking those copy and paste buttons to entertain you all with the correspondence. Just when you feel all barfy (props to Tessie) that you are mean, and that people have changed...No, they just disguise their
ass-hattedness better with age and experience.

Let Me Count the Reasons...

2008-11-05T09:47:00.004-06:00

...That I will be going to Hell.

1. I am a bitch. After writing this, I got a lovely, sweet, long email from him. He even remebered to call me "Larry." Now who's the ass-hat?
2. I am selfish. Friday is Rich's birthday and I'm seriously considering leaving for the weekend because I know he'll actually be in town to manage the kids and I need to to GET AWAY FROM HERE! I almost do not even care if I find a girlfriend to come with, Ill go by my damn self. SERENITY NOW!!!
3. I am vengeful. As revenge for Rich being an utterly unreasonable asshole, I am exacting my revenge by wielding my credit card all over the internet. He may be an ass, but my ass is going to look damn cute in those jeans.
4. My frined had a baby, and when I met the baby my first reaction was to recoil in shock. It was a scary, ugly baby. WHO reacts that way to a baby? People going to hell, that's who.

Friends

2008-11-05T08:04:00.004-06:00

So, here is a good example of why I do not let my fb life and my blog life intersect. Get a load of this friend request...

"MaryBeth, I know you'll NEVER add me to to your friend list in real life, but maybe you will here on facebook world. I have a 100% friend acceptance rate and am curious to see if you will be the one to break that chain of success."

Now in all fairness, this is an ass-hat I chased down to the church parking lot to yell at him. And called him an arrogant, self-absorbed ass-hat on numerous occasions. Because he is. so, he is justified in his assertion that I would NEVER give him the time of day in real life. However, isn't it just further evidence of his self-absorbed and narcissistic manner to challenge me to break his "100% acceptance rate?" Good Grief! Go love yourself in the mirror a little more. Good to see that 8 years hasn't changed you a bit you arrogant, self-absorbed, ass-hat.

I sent this reply:
"I'll add you. You get points for giving me a good laugh. Seriously, hope all is well with you and yours. I think I heard that you finally quit sowing the oats and got married?!@$@!? Ill start a series of novenas for that poor, poor, long-suffering woman immediately. The fact that she has neither divorced you nor killed you in your sleep speaks to her sainthood. Still playing navy?"

The upside here is that you can all plainly see that I don't really talk about people behind their backs. I generally only say things I am willing to say directly to you. The problem is, I'm generally willing to say just about anything directly to you.

On the Other Hand....

2008-11-04T21:39:00.000-06:00

Maybe Target cashiers are psychic.

I swear, sometimes......

Tuesday Trade

2008-11-04T15:05:00.004-06:00

Okay, the EASIEST breakfast treat you have ever made: Eggnog French Toast. You don't need eggs, milk, anything. Just a carton of eggnog and bread. I prefer day-old French, Cuban, or Italian bread. It is super-duper decadent made with brioche! Just use store-bought eggnog in place of whatever you usually dunk your bread in. Then, prepare as you usually prepare French Toast. (I use real butter for French Toast.) Serve as normal. Or, for company....simmer a shot of rum or bourbon (I like the both - just depends on my mood) into your syrup.

Free Prying Questions With Purchase (Now Edited to Include Reader Participation!)

2008-11-03T09:56:00.006-06:00

Yesterday found me at Target to buy supplies for Connor's project, Benadryl for his rash, and coffee creamer for my survival.

So, it is odd then, that when I checked out I had about a bazillion dollars worth of new lingerie. They have cute stuff there people! And, their 32A gel push-ups are one of the two best bras I've ever found for my "petite" physique. Anyways, I was checking out with about 8 or 9 matching sets of very pretty (and a little "racy") things. The checker-outer is going about her scanning of the many items and then stops abruptly. She has an eggplant colored lacy bra in her hand as she looks up at me and says,

"So, did you just get a divorce?"

AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION NOW REQUIRED:
Slynnro makes a good point in the comments. On the outside I stared at her blankly and said something really eloquent like, "uuummm, no." On the inside I was lecturing her that "if more married women were wearing this stuff regularly maybe there would be less divorces" and some other snarky comments about "married people get laid too, ya know."
NOW, I want to know what YOU would have said!!!!!

My Halloween Gift to You: Pumpkin Fudge

2008-10-31T06:59:00.005-06:00

Oh Geez!!! I forgot to publish a recipe on Tuesday!! Hey, I was still recovering from Monday. Cut a girl some slack, will ya?

Well, today is Halloween and I present you with the infamous Pumpkin Fudge recipe. I will tell you this...I HATE nuts in my fudge and cookies. BUT BUT BUT, in this recipe the more toasted pecans the better. But, make sure that they are toasted. Not toasted = sucky. I love this because it is unique and people always ask for the recipe. It is VERY sweet, which is why I think I like the pecans in it - to cut the sweetness. (Sometimes I even very lightly salt the pecans after toasting while they are still hot)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN Y'ALL!!! I've got to get to the gumbo and voo-doo brew making! I'll be expecting pictures of all of your festivities!

Reason #102 The Internet is Fabulous: Ask and You Shall Receive

2008-10-29T09:05:00.006-06:00

Apparently, complaining on the internet that you need more fun in your life provokes people to call you and force you to come out to a party on a weeknight.

Here are a few the publishable pictures from a company party on Monday night. A Monday Night! Me? Out on a Monday??? Does your company go this crazy for Halloween? Actually, it was not a Halloween party, but the headquarters building of husband's company was decked out nonetheless. There was creepy crap EVERYWHERE! And, sometimes when you didn't notice it - it would then start talking to you and scare the poo out of you!

Tracy and Katie - highly suggest you come down next time! AND, have your husbands seen the new "bird"??? It was hilarious and maybe a little more scary than the Halloween Decorations.

Just a Phase, Right?

2008-10-27T09:19:00.005-06:00

So, I have a confession. I am SICK TO FREAKING DEATH of being old and responsible. I'm sick of being practical and dependable. I have been all of these things since the dawn of time. Something snapped about a week or so ago. I want to go out. I want to be carefree and fun. I NEED a party. Lots of parties. Crazy, rumpus ones.

MORE of THIS:
LESS of THIS:

I'm assuming, because I think I'm a pretty darn good mom, that I will get over this. Its just a phase. It will pass. But, in the meantime...My champagne glass needs a refill, please.

Trader Tuesdays - Make Your House Smell Delicious Edition

2008-10-21T14:09:00.002-06:00

For this Tuesday's trade I offer you a link. This is what I put in the crockpot when I need a yummy, healthy meal for a night filled with meetings, et al. (Which is pretty much every night...)

Without further ado, here it is. Don't skip the coconut rice. Not even if you THINK you hate coconut. My kids hate coconut, but LOVE LOVE LOVE coconut rice.

My alterations:
1. I sometimes add baby carrots
2. I add a couple turns of soy sauce to the orange juice mixture
3. I serve with Siracha

Chris Jordan's blog is one of my absolute favorites. you have probably visited it before, but if you haven't, Go. Go now.

The Best Room Party Ever

2008-10-19T15:02:00.002-06:00

...is the one that includes a "foot soak" for the ladies!

Hindsight Is Indeed 20/20 (Brilliantly Illustrated By Shonda Rhimes)

2008-10-17T07:04:00.005-06:00

Did you watch Grey's Anatomy last night?

You know how "they" say that the things that are the funniest are those things rooted in some amount of truth? Well, I could not have been laughing harder as Christina, Meredith, and Izzie watched the dermatology residents with equal parts awe, jealousy, and disdain. THAT is EXACTLY how college was for me. Other people having that quintessential, fun college experience while I toiled away like Quasimodo in a lab. I remember walking to The Commons to get some lunch and seeing adorable sorority girls stretched out on their Greek embroidered, oversized beach towels clad in adorable bikinis studying in the sun. I simultaneously adored and hated them. It was exactly like what you saw last night on Grey's! They were putting on the sunscreen while my pasty white nerdy butt was upstairs running a GC-Mass Spec and and IR on the damn oxybenzone in their sunscreen. The Greek girls were all sharing the knowledge of professors' past tests and helping each other through while all the people I knew were one step short of trying to actually sabotage each other because they (thankfully not me - I was going to law school)) were all competing for the same med school slots.

All that so that I could be the effing PTO president and be known for the best desserts in the neighborhood. Why didn't the future me clue the college me in?

As an aside, how sorry did you feel for Lexie, and why is Derek being such an ass?

Please take note! This is in NO WAY a slam on Greek life or non-technical college people. In fact, I'm saying those people were way smarter than me and I wished I had realized it back then! I am openly admitting my jealousy so save the hate mail for another day.

Overheard From The Back Of The Van

2008-10-16T14:39:00.005-06:00

You guys are going to think I made this up. This was an actual, practically verbatim conversation from the back of my van this afternoon during carpool. If you do do not believe me, you can call or email Jamie or Connor. They were there too, they can vouch for my truthfulness! Grant is five and Livvy is four. All capitalization was actual emphatic voice raising and inflection...

Olivia: Are we getting married?

Grant: Yeah, still. But when we're married it is YOUR job to change ALL da diapers.

Olivia: Not when I go to Book Club. When I go to Book Club you have to change the diapers. Even the poopy ones.

Grant: I'll go to Book Club.

Olivia: Daddies don't go to Book Club. They stay home to change the diapers and put all the kids in the bed.

Grant: We'll have to take the babies on our date.

Olivia: NNNOOOO THAT is a family date!! When WE go on a date the Grammy or the Auntie or the babysitter will change the diapers.

Grant: We have to take the baby on the dates!

Olivia: THAT IS NNNOOOTT A DATE!!! Dates are when the babies STAY HOME! When we get married you will know that.

Times like these, I am so glad I got the van without the rear entertainment system. This is SO much better!

I Like Opinions When They Are Not Displayed On Your Car Or In Your Yard

2008-10-16T09:28:00.006-06:00

So, give some more opinions. Here, on a blog. Where opinions belong.

**Cute, too childish, or ugly?

**Cream blush? Do you use it? Why do you or don't you like it better than powder blush?

**Patent Leather Leggings??? If you want a pair of these, PLEASE explain them to me!

**Ombre? Love it or hate it?

His and Hers (AKA: Never A Dull Moment Around Here)

2008-10-15T23:33:00.007-06:00

Honestly, I HATE bumper stickers, yard signs, and all of that. It just seems so divisive and "in your face" to me. And, is anyone really going to decide to vote for a candidate because of your bumper sticker or button? If they are, then they shouldn't be voting at all. BUT, I backed out of the garage the other day to discover THAT on the back of his car. And, oh hell no! Game On.

Past and Present

2008-10-15T22:24:00.004-06:00

In the past: Dressed to impress or be validated by other women at a party

Now: Just want a "wow!" moment from Rich.

Does aging breed insecurity?

Headless MaryB: Audience Participation Required Now Updated to Answer Viewer Questions

2008-10-08T11:55:00.017-06:00

Fronts and backs of dresses. Links to each so that you can see more detail of the actual dresses at bottom of post. Feel Free tot ell me that I ZERO fashion sense and to start all over. BIGGEST LESSONS OF THESE PHOTOS: 1)The camera DOES add at least a few pounds if not 10! 2) I am NOT 25 anymore! AND 3) I am NOT comfortable AT ALL posting photos of my full-length self on the blog.

You are required to dress me. Pick a dress or, like I said before, tell me to start over! Suggest shoes, accessories, bags. Do not have to be specific ones (although that is appreciated!) - just ideas of colors, shapes, designs to look for.

Damn the new cute background...I took the time to line them all up so that fronts and backs were side-by-side. Now they do not fit in that configuration!

Oh, and here are the links:

Dress A
Dress B
Dress C

Your Questions Answered:

1. What does Rich like? Rich does not currently have a favorite - Well, he did but I disliked it so much I wouldn't bring it home. Here it is.
2. Am I wearing hose? In the pictures, yes. i have the knee phobia. HATE my knees, and they look even worse as I think one of my kneecaps isn't exactly completely connected anymore. Cheerleading is BAD to knees. As for will I wear them? Well, now, THAT is part of YOUR job. Girl at store says coloreds are back in???? Seriously? And she had these teeny-tiny fishnet patterned stockings? Feels a little hooker-esque to me????? But I hate my knees and I like peep-toes! WHAT is a girl to do? (I often use spray-on)
3. Do you feel better in Dress A? Well, no. I think I feel about the same in all of them. I do have knee "issues" and I feel that dress A makes my arse look wide (but not as wide as in the photo) and I feel that dress B makes me look "hippy" but that is the way the dress is gathered. Dress C I have worn before and love. It has more of an empire waist effect in person (maybe the camera angle at fault?) And, my dear, dear husband in his efforts to not die informs me that I look thinner in them in person. He says that since I made him exclude my head from the photos that the angle is all goofy and makes me look wider. He is usually BRU-TAL-LY honest - the kind of honest many husbands do not get away with - so I take him at his word. (I've got some good examples of his honesty if you ever need some entertainment.)
4. Not a question, but added info - Their site on "The Knot" (Oh thank the goodlawhd this didn't exist when I got hitched!) declares the dress code to be "Dinner Dressy Coat and Tie." WTH does that mean? I just assumed evening wedding at the cathedral and FW Club inferred suit and tie?? And to me, suit and tie means cocktail dresses or such for the ladies. Coat and tie? NotSoMuch.
5. Why so stuck on the WHBM? Well, because my darling husband just plunked down a very tidy sum of money to cater to my furniture pickiness and has remodeled my kitchen and family rooms. And need I mention the state of the economy? And I do love "the market" - so many cute dresses all in one place! The clincher - I have substantial gift card to spend there. (also- their vanity sizing is RIDICULOUS and I have to admit to getting a high from purchasing clothes in the size that fits there. Yes, illogical and stupid. Can't be helped.)

It's 10:30 Somewhere!

2008-10-08T07:15:00.005-06:00

The bad news: I had to choose between blogging and cleaning up my horrid mess of a kitchen (why I usually do not make big roast beef dinners on the weeknights!). The kitchen won out. It was a disaster.

The good news: The delay means I got a few more votes. What is it with you people and wanting the easy recipes???? Just kidding!! I know, life is crazy-ass busy.

The verdicts: 1) Easy, but Mandy has a neighborhood party and she is thinking she would like to bring a dessert type offering. 2)Also, I am going to have to make Rich take pictures of yours truly in the dresses. There will be no head in the pictures, I am telling you right now. Neck down only. If I go through with this plan you will be required to not only vote on a dress, but also to suggest accessories and shoes, and any other pertinent info. For example, the young, cute thing at WHBM informed me that people are wearing gray and black stockings again? Is she confused? If true, however, might influence my dress choice as the one I like the most is a bit short, and I have ugly knees. Gray stockings would take care of this problem I think. Are fishnets acceptable? They are darn cute in the catalog!

Well, it is one of my three favorite months of the year, OCTOBER! That means fall, leaves, and my favorite, PUMPKIN!!! Pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin seeds, pumpkin tempura...any and all things pumpkin. Therefore, I think a party or gathering of any pot-luck sort in October should be graced with pumpkin. I have about a million ideas. My favorite is pumpkin fudge, but it requires a candy thermometer, which, I'm guessing precludes it from being in the "easy" category? The easiest, and also very tasty, is pumpkin dip. You probably already have a recipe for this, but on the off-chance that you do not, here it is:

Pumpkin Dip with Ginger Snaps

2 8 oz packages cream cheese

4 cups confectioners sugar (better if you sift)

30 oz can pumpkin pie mix

2 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp ground ginger

(sometimes I add a touch of vanilla)

Combine cream cheese and sugar with electric mixer until smooth and creamy. Add in the rest of the ingredients and blend until well combined.

Serve in a pie-sized, hollowed-out pumpkin. Serve with ginger snaps. I have also served with apple slices, pretzels, and have also made stuffed french toast with these leftovers as the filling.

Trader Tuesday - NEED YOUR INPUT! And, Some Bonus Whining

2008-10-07T15:09:00.003-06:00

I'm having trouble focusing on my Trader Tuesday contribution. So, here's the plan. You are all going to help me out. Tell me what kind of recipe you are interested in today. Quick dinner ala Sandara Lee's Semi-homemade style? Or fancy-pants, send children away for the night, impress the hubs dinner ? Quick and easy dessert? Showy dessert? Old southern favs? One caveat - I DO NOT fry chicken at home. Ever. So, don't ask me about that. Ill post at 10:30, so get those requests in!

Reasons I cannot focus:

Too long of a to-do list
Fall Festival
Obsessing about dress for wedding. If I get brave Ill take pics of myself in all three and you can vote. Or, not. My internet bravado has its limits.
Damn family always needs to be fed
Choosing furniture (read: OBSESSING!)
Pissed off that the eldest got not one, BUT TWO, detentions! And would you effing believe that one of them was for SOCKS!!!!!
Other general, pissiness of both the friend and marital nature.
Went to Pilates for first time since December. Might I suggest that you do not ever take 10 months off of an activity you plan to continue? It hurts both your muscles and YOUR EGO very, very much.

You Are Going To Be SO Jealous

2008-10-04T11:07:00.002-06:00

This weekend:

Husband is on road-trip bachelor party (can you see my eyes rolling?)
Jamie has history fair deadlines looming in the hear future
Jamie has major mythology exam
Jamie has SAT to study a bit for
Jamie has mythology presentation to plan
Connor has First Tee
Grant is way behind in his speech therapy "at home" work.
I have not followed through on my get ready to look hot-as-hell-and-knock-husband-on-his-ass-with-my-awesomeness-in-cute-dress-for-wedding plans. Feel need to start cramming like Claire Huxtable (Do you remember that episode?)
It is October the 4th and it is NINETY EFFING FOUR DEGREES outside and the rest of the damn country is "falling" into autumn. Texas sucks.
Need to paint fireplace brick and need to paint bathroom
Need to clean out fridge and clean the shelves and drawers

Sometimes Husbands Are Funny

2008-10-01T14:40:00.005-06:00

Rich arrived home from a kick-in-the-pants 3-day trip last night at around midnight. We hung out for just a bit before heading off the bed. You know, because we had to discuss all the shitty crap that happened yesterday, and the state of the economy, and remodeling projects, and gripe about weirdo captains. What can I say? We are nothing if not uplifting around here.

But I digress. The point is that we were up pretty late. Alarms start their hideous beeping around here at 6:40am. For me this is not a problem. I don't sleep much. It's just a thang. For Rich, the rack-monster, this is a big problem. It is really hard coming home to a normal people schedule when you fly pm lines. Despite all, he got up and helped me get the kids off to school and mowed the lawn even though he is now sitting three days of reserve.

Once the lawn was finished, and we were inside planning the rest of the day we kept having to adjust our plans due to the "well, if THEY call..." He went to make sure his uniform was ready and that his bag was packed while I worked on some budgeting crap for the PTO. A few moments later he came down the hall announcing that he really didn't think he'd be going to work today. He was annoyed at the thought of going right back on a trip after only being home for a few hours and he was tired. Furthermore, he didn't feel well. I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he might have to call in sick because he had a major case of anal glaucoma.

I said, "huh? What ?"

He said, "I really cannot see my ass going to work today."

Trader Tuesdays

2008-09-30T06:59:00.005-06:00

It feels a bit odd to post a recipe that includes champagne during these economic times. Go ahead, do it. You can buy an individual Sophia or you can substitute a nice dry white. When times are tough, you can enjoy a lovely, elegant (but EASY) dinner at home.

This recipe has developed over the years. It started a s a recipe in Southern Living, but it was a bit bland. So I tinkered with it. Then, a few years back, Rachael Ray made something similar, so I took a page from her playbook and sometimes add in some red grapes.

Champagne Poached Chicken

1 cup champagne
1/2 cup chicken broth
4 skinned and boned chicken breasts (I pound them I tiny bit)
1 cup whipping cream
scant 2 tsp Dijon mustard
small clove minced garlic ( i use a pretty small clove to keep the flavor more on the "delicate" side)
pinch of ground red pepper
pinch salt
red, seedless grapes - cut in half

Bring champagne, and broth to a boil in a large skillet.
Add chicken - reduce het. Cover, and simmer until chicken is tender (about 10 - 15 minutes depending on size and thinckness of chx. Sonce I poind mine a bit, it usually right at 10 minutes.)
Remove chicken and keep warm.
Whisk in the whipping cream, mustard, garlic, pepper, and salt.
Simmer over medium heat, whisking occassionally, until thickened. (about 10 minutes)
Add chicken and grapes (if you are using them) back to the skillet and heat through.

I have served this with several types of pasta, but orzo with parsley is my favorite. My other favorite accompaniment is asparagus or thin, French green beans (haricots verts). The asparagus I like to roast, and the beans I like to blanch and then saute in a little butter with a bit of shallot and garlic and finish with the tiniest pinch of nutmeg.

Free Therapy By Phone

2008-09-29T16:27:00.010-06:00

So, I called our friend, Mrs. Therapist, today. I had missed a call from her earlier in our never-ending game of phone tag. Of course, she does not answer the phone while in a session, so another therapist in the practice answered my call. Here are some bits of the conversation resulting from the complicated appointment scheduling...

First of all, I apologized that it was taking so long for my computer to pull up Rich's October schedule. He asked if Rich was on a month by month schedule. When I answered "yes," he then replied, "Oh, is he a pilot?" I said, "Yes." He then asked me, "Is there something in the air or going on the industry? You are the sixth or seventh pilot couple to call today." I told him that "We're all just trying to avoid being victims of AIDS." **Dead Silence on the other end** I quickly clarified, "You know? Aviation Induced Divorce Syndrome." **Burst of snorting laughter on the other end** He said, "Wait , let me get a pencil. I've got to write that one down. I might need that in a session sometime soon."

A moment later he offered me an appt to which I had to reply that Rich was flying that day. He asked, " I thought you said he was flying only on Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays?" I explained that, "Well, yes. BUT, Rich was flying for the navy that day." Sounding incredulous he asked, "You mean he has two flying jobs? And did I just hear you talking to more than one child? How old are they?" I answered his questions and he continued, "Would you just like to book appointments on the 20 year plan? Maybe weekly into perpetuity?"

After a few more attempts at dates and times that would work, we found one that would work. It was, however, further away than I would like. He asked if I would like to be on the cancellation list. I said that I would, but that I would like to make sure I had my cell # on file since I missed out on one of those type of appts last week due to the fact that they called my home phone. (hello run-on sentence. I see you and I don't care.) Somehow in that course of conversation I answered something about the PTO. His reply was that, "How about weekly into perpetuity AND I recommend you to an inpatient treatment so that you can have a prescription for a vacation? And, obviously you are a masochist."

These were some much needed giggles for me today. Free therapy by phone. I love this office. I have a feeling it is going to get harder and harder to get an appointment with them given the current state of the economy. That'll suck.

Weekend Re-cap and a Weighty Question

2008-09-29T06:51:00.009-06:00

**First of all - Sorry for publishing unfinished post! I'd still swear that I hit save, not publish!**

Weekend was pretty darn good. Parent-Teacher conferences on Friday went smoothly. My children are brilliant and well behaved, but one of them is terribly unorganized. No shock there. Tell me something I don't know! Later in the evening, Rich and I did some furniture shopping and then stopped for a drink or two. I should have not had the "two." Bad, Bad, Bad idea. I don't know if the bartender slipped something in my drink or what, but lets just say Friday night will go down in the history books as one of my very worst nights ever. At some point I decided the cooler night air felt better so I went to sit outside for a bit only to have Rich come to find me an hour later saying, " I really think sleeping on the front porch is not a classy option." Thus, I have concluded my yearly refresher session of "Why MaryB never has more than one drink." I am a lightweight. I take Children's Claritin, Tylenol, and Motrin for Pete's sake! The silver lining to this Friday night cloud is that my net calorie consumption was definitely a big, fat zero.

Jamie had a tennis tournament on Saturday, but did not have to play his first match until 11am! Meaning, of course, that we got to sleep in! I LOVE waking up without some obnoxious beeping or buzzing jarring me awake. I am also getting spoiled by the fact that Rich is finally senior enough to hold lines with weekends at home. **knocking on wood** So, waking up with a husband to no alarm clock = bliss! The weather was lovely so long as you were in the shade and there was plenty of shade because the match was at TCU where trees line all of the courts. I packed up a cooler of drinks and snacks, my folding chairs, and a big blanket. It was really nice. Jamie was nervous as this was his first time to play in the boys 14 bracket, but was so happy to be doing it on his home turf and his coaches in charge of the tournament. He made it to the semis despite the fact that some of the boys looked like grown men. Meanwhile, Connor had his second session of First Tee. Guys, if you have children, I can not stress enough how wonderful this first Tee program is!!! Look into it, really! I think of it as junior cotillion taught through the medium of golf. Especially if you have a shy child or a child who lacks self-confidence, or if you just want a child with a winning attitude - this program is great!!! AND it is cheap!!!! Unfortunately, I have no pictures to share because I turned on the camera to take some pictures only to discover that my memory card was full.

Sunday was a day of exercising, furniture shopping, and general housekeeping. The weekly event of the Sunday night uniform laundry was made much more exciting by the start of new seasons for Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters. Oh, my love, lust, and obsession with Rob Lowe knows no bounds. I'll be his nanny any day! I love him any way I can get him, but his character on this show makes my knees even weaker than usual. His voice unnerves me.

As I climbed into bed, I grabbed two more letters from "the box." I am more than half-way through reading all of the letters ( I told you there were A LOT!). I usually grab two letters from the box as I climb into bed. I grab randomly and out of order so I never know what I'm going to get. I suppose that I should have ordered them by date and then read them like a story. Oh well.

Here is what I find strange. He was so effusive in his declarations of love and devotion back then. What happened to that? Yes, yes, I know that kind of drunk-love loses out to everyday life and normalcy at some point. But really? The person who wrote those letters and the man I live with are NOT the same person. So, being the idiot that I am, I asked him about it. His reply? That he loves me more now than then. Huh? Really?

So, I have been mulling this over and here are my thoughts that are actually questions for you all... After 13 years does the phrase, "i love you" lose some of is lustre? Have you heard it so much that you cant really accept it for the true depth of its meaning anymore? Does he think the same thing about me, that I do not have the same passion and love for "us" and him as I did back then? Because, really NOTHING could be FURTHER from the truth. I always just assumed that he was VERY clear on the fact that he makes me crazy, drunk-in-love with him. I think that I go out of my way to make it clear. The only difference between back then and now is that there have been times in the past 13 years that I could have killed him with my bare hands. (e.g. here!) In the end, it all makes me love him and us more. How do you all find new ways of letting your man know you love him? And he for you? AND, remember my MOM reads this blog so if you know her and don't want to blush next time you see her, you might want to edit or email me your comments... If you don't know her in real life, then what do you care? Comment away! And, really, I don't think much shocks her anyway. Seriously, she has ME for a daughter.

Rich Comments on the Blog

2008-09-24T19:23:00.005-06:00

me: Hey, did I tell you I am going to try to grow my hair out, like waaay longer?
rich: yes, I know.
me: Did i tell you that already?
rich: i read it on your blog.
me (in head): Oh shit.

me: blog surfing and checking comments
rich: reading over my shoulder
rich: geez, everyone who reads your blog is going to think I'm a spoiled brat.
me: and? You have problem with truth in advertising?

rich: your new background is hard to read and looks like an old lady's house.
me: Oh? I'll change it then.
me: changes background to polka-dots
me: Is this one easier to read?
rich: Yes, but it is so damn effeminate.
me: Uh? The "about me?" Did you read that? The "a girly girl" part?
rich: girls are stupid

Cooking Is Fun If You Are In the Kitchen With a Fungi

2008-09-24T13:24:00.008-06:00

Here is the pasta I promised in the previous, hurried post.

I found some portabella and ricotta stuffed frozen ravioli at the local grocery (Tom Thumb). It was the store brand actually. I would guess that Publix has something similar if you are one of those people lucky enough to have a Publix available. (The best reason to live on the east - PUBLIX!) I have noticed that many items at Publix can be found at Tom Thumbs here in Texas.

Obviously, you will cook those raviolis per package instructions. Basically, boiling water, 3-4 minutes. drain. Duh!

While that's happening you need to mince up a shallot (or if you don't have one handy mince, and I mean MINCE - TINY, a little bit of regular onion, maybe a tablespoon or less.) Saute that shallot/onion with a clove of minced or smashed garlic in about 2-3 tablespoons butter. After a minute or two add in 8 oz (a whole package) of pre-sliced (because I am LAZY) portabella or baby bellas. Toss in a bit of dried Italian seasoning, possibly it was about a teaspoon? Continue cooking for about 8-10 minutes or until the 'shrooms are looking brown and tender. (If you are not used to cooking with mushrooms this will look like a lot of mushrooms, but they cook down to so much less so quickly.)

Now, the yummy part....Add in 1 cup cream, a pinch of salt, and a few turns of pepper. Let it simmer for 5 minutes or so. Then, stir in some chopped, fresh basil (three or four leaves) and some grated Parmesan cheese(maybe 1/2 cup). Stir in drained ravioli and enjoy!

Its not Tuesday - What's it to ya?

2008-09-24T09:43:00.008-06:00

So, yesterday was recipe trade day. I had a recipe to share with you all, but then I made dinner. A dinner which I had never made before. A dinner which resulted in my husband coming to the kitchen on bended knee begging me to marry him again. Apparently, he liked his dinner. Earlier in the afternoon we were at Central Market and he had a sudden severe craving for "the darkest dark chocolate cake." So, I grabbed a big chunk of Callebaut bittersweet and made him a cake. Without further ado here are the two recipes that caused the stoic husband of mine to consider renewing his vows. I'll save the champagne poached chicken for next week, and Ill get it out on time (on Tuesday). Maybe Ill even write it up and use that "post at future time" feature! (Note: sometimes when I say "recipe" what I really mean is a "guide" as I often do not actually measure and stuff like that. I am a taste and adjust kind f girl.)

Dark Chocolate Kahlua Cake (adapted from R.S.'s recipe back in Atsugi)

1 box dark chocolate fudge cake mix (use Devil's food if you can't find, but the DCF is better)
4 eggs
3/4 cup Kahlua
1 cup sour cream
1 cup oil
6 oz chocolate chips
a bit of cocoa and granulated sugar (for prepared pan)
*Dark chocolate ganache

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare Bundt pan with non-stick spray and then coat with a mixture of cocoa and granulated sugar.
Mix all ingredients except for chocolate chips.
Stir in chocolate chips when batter well combined.
Bake approximately 45 minutes.
Cool on wire rack and then invert onto serving plate.
Glaze with Dark chocolate ganache

*Dark chocolate ganache - grate a good amount (I probably used about 10 oz) of high quality bittersweet chocolate. Warm about 1/3 -1/2 cups heavy cream in microwave (DO NOT BOIL!) Whisk chocolate into warm cream until melted, smooth, and shiny. Spoon over top of cake and let it ooze down the sides.

Okay, I have to run. No time to post pasta directions, but want you to have time to make a cake for tonight. Will post this now and add the mushroom pasta this afternoon, mkay?

Superficial and Random

2008-09-22T08:37:00.003-06:00

I WANT long hair!!!!!! I do NOT WANT to pay like, $2K for extensions. So, who has ideas? Any of you take any special vitamins while trying to grow your hair out? Special shampoos and/or treatments? How did you survive the supremely annoying and miserable growing out process?

This will probably be the biggest failure of a project in the history of hair projects. My thin, fine half-curly, half-straight hair probably has no business being long.

It is now appropriate to wear black to weddings, no? I need to know. I have a wedding to attend very soon and am planning on wearing my favorite dress again. (and if I don't wear that one, then I want this one or this one!) There is that small southern voice in me, though, saying "you can't wear black to a wedding, MaryB." Opinions, please. Black - okay or not okay. Dresses - which one? Wear the old one and get some really hot shoes or get a new one?

If I do wear that dress...do I wear black shoes? Is that too boring? What if I take a BRIGHT fuchsia satin clutch? (it is so very cute) Then what? I need accessory help.

Living In the Past

2008-09-21T20:45:00.002-06:00

I'd love to blog, y'all, but you see I found a big, forgotten box while reorganizing the garage. It is full of all the letters (and you can't imagine how MANY we wrote back then!) Rich wrote to me way back when. And letters from el-e-e. And PHOTOS. OMG! The photos! You would not believe them. I'm glad I found it because I thought all of this stuff was lost. This would not be a ridiculous assumption for someone who has moved 9 times in 13 years.

If you need me, I'll be on my bed with tissues weepily reading letters from the past. Somebody bring me some chocolate, please.

Tuesday Trading

2008-09-16T21:48:00.001-06:00

This salad dressing is from the junior league in my hometown. every girl I know from P-cola has made and eaten this spinach salad a hundred times (or for me like 8,000). It is a little different than any other spinach salad dressing I have ever seen anywhere else, and it is one of my top three most requested recipes. My girls in Japan dubbed it "the pink dressing," and they expect it whenever they visit me. So, I give you ...

Pensacola's Pink Spinach Salad Dressing

3/4 cup vegetable oil (I use extra-light olive - EVOO too fruity for this one!)
6 tablespoons red wine vinegar
4 tablespoons sour cream (reduced fat or fat-free okay)
1 tsp salt
1/2-1 tsp dry mustard (to taste - i tend towards the scant 1 tsp)
2 tablespoons sugar (or 3-4 packets splenda)
Freshly ground black pepper to taste
2 tsp freshly chopped parsley
2 cloves minced or smashed/pressed garlic

Mix it all up! I like to whisk in the oil last to see if I can get a good emulsification working! Let flavors marry for at least 4 hours (the recipe says 6hrs, but I don't always plan THAT far ahead!)
Serve over spinach salad with chopped boiled egg, crumbled crisp bacon, sliced fresh mushrooms, and sliced green onions (I leave these out because I despise them).

Okay, since you asked.... **Edited to add 2 most embarrassing moments of the evening

2008-09-16T20:45:00.015-06:00

I was not going to bore you with stories from "apple land," but some of you ASKED about it. AND some of you might need to plan your own events one day. So, here's the scoop. Everything was red and white gingham. The centerpieces were overflowing baskets of apples tied with gingham ribbon. The kids decorated their own paper apples that will later be transferred to a big bulletin board in the front hall of the school along with pictures from the dance. (the pictures do not look as cute as it did irl. AND I look awful because I was 1. EXHAUSTED and 2. had non-contagious allergen/viral pink eye!)

As you entered the building...we blocked off the first entrance to the gym with a "picture spot" made with apple trees made by sparkly, beaded apple sin ficus topiaries, potted flowers, apple garland, etc. there were also five apples to put your face in...so cute.

As you proceeded down the hallway to the entrance there were more than a hundred apples lining the walls. We sent home paper apples to the parents and had them secretly send them back to school. Then, the kids "found" their apples at the dance to see all the beautiful things their parents said about them. This one about the "fanny dance" was one of my favorites.

Then, inside the "foyer" we had snacks and crafts. The snacks were apple "nachos." the "chips" were apple slices and the "cheese" was caramel sauce (all served in a nacho tray of course). We had also planned to have little cups of green jelly beans to be the "jalapenos," but those didn't get purchased in time...We also had the popcorn machine running and lemonade. (probably should've been apple cider, eh?)

The kids danced the night away and these are two very, very very, tired girls. They need a nap and a long lunch at Bistro Louise followed by pedicures. (meet the illustrious Jennifer...) You know, WHAT was I thinking taking a picure with a girl 8 years my junior when I hadn't slept and HAD PINK EYE???? I didnt even have on real make-up...scared to irritate my eyes.

**Two most embarrassing moments of the evening:

1. I was busy refilling lemonade and realized that I was singing - I knew every single word to Miley Cyrus's 7 Things! Huh? How? I'm not 13!

2. Jennifer and I somehow ended up dancing the Macarena with the kids. I overheard a dad whisper, "OMG! What would it be like if those two WERE drinking?"

It's Tuesday, and That Means It Is Recipe Time

2008-09-09T21:00:00.003-06:00

Well, I did not know what I wanted to "trade" today, but sometimes it pays to be late to the party because then several people go and unknowingly create a "theme" for me! Apparently, the theme is desserts, predominantly of the cake variety. Further, seeing as I am currently drowning in apple craziness (see post below) this particular cake seems to suit the occasion. And, it is pretty darn yummy and perfect for fall. If you know me well, then you know that, for me, Fall arrives as soon as it is Honeycrisp time at Central Market.

Autumn Apple Cake

Cake:
3 cups all-purpose flour 11/2 tsp vanilla
1 tsp baking soda 3 cups peeled, cored, chopped apples (about 2 1/2 apples)
1/2 tsp salt 1 cup chopped, toasted pecans (optional!)
2 cups sugar
1 cup vegetable oil
3 large eggs

PreHeat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Grease 10-inch tube or bundt pan.
Sift together flour, baking soda, and salt.
Beat sugar, oil, eggs, and vanilla. until pale.
Mix in flour mixture one third at a time. (Batter will be very thick!)
Mix in apples (and nuts if you want them)
Into the pan, smooth the top.
Bake for 55 min (check on it early, Ive had it be done at around 45 minutes before)
Cool in pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto rack to cool completely before glazing.

Glaze:
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1/3 cup unsalted butter (Ive used salted - it was fine!)
1/3 cup milk

Bring all ingredients to a rapid boil in a small saucepan. Let boil for 5 minutes. Remove from heat and keep stirring (kind of vigorously) until all bubbles are gone. Spoon over cake.

And just to be over-the-top decadent, I serve each slice with a bit of caramel sauce! (oh, and to be technical, a sauce is not REALLLLY a caramel sauce if it is made with brown sugar. Technically you have to brown white sugar to create caramel sauce. A sauce using brown sugar such as this one is really a butterscotch sauce...just trivia for you)

Caramel Sauce:
3/4 cup butter
1 1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 tsp vanilla
3/4 cup heavy cream

Melt butter, brown sugar, and salt. Bring to a boil while stirring with whisk. Remove from heat. whisk in cream and vanilla.
You wont use all of this sauce. you can keep it in the fridge to put on ice-cream, pound cake, or whatever. Soften it from the fridge either in the microwave, or set container in warm water.

AAWWWW, You Guys...You're the Best!

2008-09-05T21:43:00.003-06:00

You guys....you are the best, really you are. It brought a literal mist to my eyes to get all the phone calls, email, and comments inquiring as to my whereabouts and well-being!

Unfortunately, I am still not really in the state-of-mind to blog. Just in a plain ol', old-fashioned funk. I have tried to work through said funk by writing about it, but it is so vague that there is nothing TO write. I just can't put my finger on what is causing it! Basically, it is everything and also nothing. Have you ever felt like that? I'm sure you have.

Also, I am short on time lately. Holy Hell! the PTO owns me. Maybe it is because the somewhat OCD part of me takes over and "good enough" is NEVER enough for me. And there is just ALWAYS another event to plan or group to organize or spreadsheet to create. Currently, I am entrenched in planning a Johnny Appleseed back-to-school family dance. The details, while interesting and adorable to me, would bore you to tears.

Lastly, the traveling husband has been home more than is typical lately. It has been nice, but he requires my time when he is here - hence, less time for blogging. (And Ill tell you a secret...I must be accustomed to his being gone so often, because he was starting to drive me Ca-razy and I was not too very sad to see him depart for a few days this morning!)

I'm still keeping up with all of you and your more-interesting-than-mine lives though! so, even if I'm not actually writing here, Ill at least try to be better about commenting. It just seems to require SO much energy...ugh, see what I mean? I am in such a funk that I think it takes too much energy to comment! WTH?

Oh, and, tonight is the first night that I've had to wait up for my suddenly-a-teenager to come home. He went to the high school football game with his friends and his friends' older siblings. I guess this is where IT starts!!!!!! EECK! Wasn't it just five minutes ago that I was tying green and gold ribbons onto my ponytail before a high school football game on a Friday night?

What Is Wrong With Being Purple????

2008-08-29T14:54:00.003-06:00

Now, if you have a problem with my purpleness because I am a dinosaur and my every utterance is in a sing-gong annoying tone, then fine. Hate at will.

HOWEVER, I checked in the mirror. While I am definitively having a very bad hair day, I am most assuredly not a dinosaur. I also almost never sing.

So WHY does my purpleness seem to offend all my friends so? My red friends are annoyed by me, as are my blue friends. It is as if they would be less annoyed if I stood firmly on the side opposite of theirs. I don't get it. They liked me more back in '04 when I hated both parties offerings of leadership. Now that I have two prospects to be guardedly excited about, they are frustrated by me.

I think I'm just going to feign ignorance and stick to topics like baking, fashion, and celebrity gossip. But, I'll be wearing purple inside and out. Eggplant is THE color this fall, ya know?

Another Lesser Moment in Parenting Brought To You by Campaign 08

2008-08-28T21:09:00.005-06:00

Boys: "Mom, why do you and Daddy disagree so much about politics?"

Mom: "Because Daddy is too dumb to realize that I am smarter."

I explained to them that I was kidding. I promise I did. Well, mostly kidding.

Lesser Moments in Parenting; You Can't Kill a Chicken That's Already Dead!

2008-08-28T07:16:00.003-06:00

I have a temper. A big, bad one. I have learned over the years how to contact my inner "zen" when i feel myself losing it. However, there is one topic that causes me to blow my top every. single. time. My husband has an annoying way of belittling my housekeeping skills. I am not the best at it. But, I like it to be clean and orderly and I am my own worst critic. I beat myself up about it all the time. I am a VERY busy person. I have three kids and a husband who is perpetually traveling. You might be able to imagine how much it makes me crazy when he saunters home from a trip in a hotel room to let me know how I could be doing things better around here. Ya know? AS IF he has a fllippin clue as to how to run things around here or how crazy it is on a day to day basis. Even on the few times I have left him in charge I come home to homework not done, bedtimes ignored, and sometimes a mess in the kitchen. Weekends he's in charge - I leave meals to eat, school project supplies purchased and organized with a plan for the project...let's just say he doesn't get the REAL picture of what it is like to be me! And, he has this completely DELUDED notion that he is the only one in the house who picks up after himself and he is rather sanctimonious about it. This makes my head spin in rapid circles while levitating above my neck because he has NO IDEA how many things of his I pick up and put away on a daily basis. I could explain this topic forever, but that is not the point today (although it is always the point of every irritating thought in my head!). Long point made short - his commenting on housework makes me mad as hell.

One night a few years ago, I was already in a bad mood due to children being irritating and especially needy. The house was a mess. I had had a hell of a day. We had just moved here and I was homesick and had no friends. I was making dinner. It was probably something yummy, but I don't remember what it was. I was managing dinner, homework, and at that point Grant was still a new walker and was toddling around behind me whining and clutching my legs while I tried to bustle around the kitchen. There was a package of chicken breasts on the counter. One of the packages in the styrofoam trays. Rich enters the house and proceeds to criticize my parenting, my homework tutelage, etc, etc....I'm obviously pissed, yet he just keeps right on. I think I even warned him to cut it out! Then, he did it...He stared asking me in some condescending, sing-song way about every thing on the counter. Fight started. Game on.

I was so irate that I think I honestly blacked out. I remember feeling dizzy and woozy my head was spinning so fast. My ears were literally hot. I was getting ready to slice the chicken breasts with a big knife. Finally, I was ready to hurt someone or throw something. Somehow this rage turned into me screaming at him to "JUST!! SHUT!! UP!!!! I! HATE!! YOU!!" while I stabbed the chicken over and over with the big knife. Next thing I know, I see Jamie and Connor (ages 9 and 6) cowering in the corner, whimpering, "she's killing the chicken...." I had scared the crap out of them. I feel very badly about it to this day. It was DEFINITELY a lesser moment in parenting. It got worse. Later, when trying to apologize to everyone for my inexcusable behavior I tried to justify part of my behavior by rationalizing that you can't kill something that is already dead. (told Rich privately that he should be damn happy there was chicken on the counter or he might have been at the end of my knife instead of the chicken) However, it is pretty funny around here when people use the chicken as a warning. Just the other day, Rich and I were bantering about politics (when aren't we?) and Jamie says, "Dad, I think you'd better cool it or she's gonna kill another chicken." And, whenever Rich helps cook (and by help, I mean take things out of the refrigerator when I ask, because seriously, I'm not sure he can boil water) if there is chicken anywhere to be seen, he will point to he chicken and say, "you boys better behave or the chicken's gonna get it!"

Are you all afraid of me now?

Trader Tuesdays - on Wednesday

2008-08-27T21:30:00.007-06:00

From Twitter today:
LEEXXXX @yankeemb ummm.... all talk and no recipe action? consider your wrist slapped. ;) Hope nothing bad happened... you ok? about 15 hours ago from web in reply to yankeemb

Nothing Bad happend, just, well, PTO happened.

So sorry about the Trader Tuesday fellow recipe lovers! My excuse is that it was the first PTO meeting of the year (my first meeting as president)...enough said? It was ca-ray-zeee around here! I thought Id post when I made it home after meeting and getting kids to bed...hahaha...I am so naive.

AAANNNDDD, there is the little matter that I am embarrassed to publish my recipe for the week in light of the fact that 3 of the Tuesday Traders are real Louisianans, not just people from the near-to-Louisiana gulf coast like myself. However, I am too damn tired to think of a new one, so here is my Cheater's version of Red Beans and Rice. It is SUPER QUICK and EASY, yet is still my husband's favorite dinner. I make sure to get this on the stove simmering before he comes home if he is mad at or annoyed with me. The smell hits him in the garage before he even walks into the house. He walks in the door with a smile. (If Ive REALLY pissed him off, I pour a really cold Abita into a frosty mug when I hear the garage door go up signaling his arrival) The kids all love it too - the beans, not the beer.

Cheater's Red Beans and Rice

1 -2 cloves garlic (to your taste)
1 lb smoked sausage (or whatever kind you like - andouille, hot, whatever, but plain 'ol smoked sausage will do )
1 medium onion (or 1/2 large) ( I don't like it too onion-y)
3 cans light red kidney beans
1 cup chicken broth
1 1/2 tsp Creole Seasoning ( I use Tony's)
1 small bay leaf
a few dashes Louisiana style hot sauce (Tabasco, Louisiana, Crystal (my favorite), or another)
A bit of olive oil

Finely chop onion. Slice sausage. (I like to cut my round slices into halves or fourths - I like smaller pieces of sausage, but you can leave them bigger if you like).

Heat enough oil in dutch oven to sweat the onion. After the onions have been in for a minute or two, add in the sausage and brown the onion and sausage together. When close to browned, add in your garlic. Finish browning. Then, add in your chicken broth to your hot pan, being sure to scrape up any of that yummy brown goodness sticking to the bottom of the pan. Then add in your 3, undrained, cans of beans. Stir in your seasoning, hot sauce, and bay leaf. Bring close to, but not quite to a boil. Then simmer for about 30 minutes covered. Then simmer for about 30-45 minutes uncovered. This sounds like a long time, but it is basically hands off for all of that simmering time except for the very occasional stir of the pot.

When you are ready, cook up some long grain rice. Serve beans over rice. I usually serve this up with some crusty French bread and a spinach salad. Leftovers are great and my boys love to take them for lunch at school. (consider this link to be additional kitchen help to make up for my tardiness in Tuesday trading!)

Okay, I'm off to do more PTO work and iron shirts for the fugliest formal uniform in the history of uniforms. (hate thursdays!) Once I get a little more caught up (when the hell is that going to be?*%$#!?#!) I plan to start a new series of posts. I was looking through my recent posts and archives and noticed that I sound a little too "perfect mommy - muffiaish" OOOH NO! Not so! So, I'm going to post some installments of "Greater Moments in Parenting" and some installments of "Lesser Moments in Parenting." You all have to promise to not call CPS though, okay?

For Tracy, A Picture as Promised...

2008-08-25T21:21:00.002-06:00

I promised Tracy I would post a picture of my tiny little kitchen in our old house back in FL. She is picking paint colors and you should all go offer her some opinions!

Tracy, as you can tell, these are not great pictures due to problems with lighting and with angle. I remember it being very difficult to get a picture where you could see much of the walls and cabinets together. Anyway, this is the Montana Tan with birch cabinets. The counter tops were the original Formica, but it can give you an idea as to how this paint looks with fairly light, neutral counter tops even though they are not fabulous and gorgeous like your granite choices! (also, i think if you click on the picture for the enlarged view, you will get a better sense of the color)

I can't wait to see what you do pick!

Letting the Punishment Fit the Crime

2008-08-22T21:50:00.008-06:00

If you know me IRL, then you know that this is often how I parent. I think the fancy-pants psychologists call it "natural-consequence parenting." I call it "better than screaming my bloody head off and wanting to strangle them parenting." I like to make a lasting impression on them so that they do not repeat whatever offensive behavior has occurred. ( I am afraid that, on occasion, the lasting impression created is that their mother is a psycho.)

For example, when the big two were little and they got into a squabble that escalated to the point where one hit, pinched, kicked the other then the punishment was that they had to sit and hold hands for 5 minutes. At the end of the five minutes, they could only get up if they could apologize to each other and tell me three good reasons they were glad that the other was their brother. (do I have this on video? You better believe it!) If you slam a door in this house, you are required to SLOWLY open and close it 10 times without making a bit of noise - If you make noise, you start back over at 1. If you cannot pick up your toys, then obviously you have too many to handle and we should give them to unfortunate children who do not have so many. Can't stop biting your nails in church? Well then, obviously you need a manicure! Which I will complete with pink nail polish that you will leave on for at least 24 hours as we run around town.

I've got more, but you get the idea. Yes?

Today was a "non-uniform" day at school. Jamie came out for breakfast looking presentable. However, I noticed that he had on no-show socks with his Vans. The school has some stupid rule about this for some unknown, stupid reason. Your socks have to show and they have to cover your ankle bone. ( I know! DUMB! but its the RULE!) I brought this to Jamie's attention. He informed me that I was wrong and that Amber (a girl in his class) told him that the rule had changed. I replied that I was unaware of this and that I would know as I am on the darn policy committee. He insisted that he was SURE about this new found sock freedom. He ate and left for school.

I went about my normal business. At around 10:30 am I went to pull my cell phone off the charger. I saw that I had a missed call/voicemail at 8:21am. Do I really need to tell you who it was from and what it said? Of course it was Jamie pleading for me to bring him socks so that he would not get an Out of Uniform violation....HA! AS IF! No way! You can take the violation, pal! I thought I was doing well to not cave and force him to suffer the consequences of his bad choices.

BUT I WAS OUTDONE AT MY OWN GAME!!!! I present you with the sight that greeted me when I picked him up at 3pm this afternoon...

Yes, yes, in case you can't see them clearly... Those are PINK knee socks!!!

The only problem here is that Jamie found it all quite hilarious, especially since two of his friends suffered the same fate. I think the three of them kind of enjoyed their "celebrity status" all day. Lets just hope that the lesson was still learned even if it wasn't exactly "the hard way."

Trader Tuedays - Per Mandy's Decree

2008-08-19T21:54:00.002-06:00

Last week there was a funny Tuesday on which several of us all posted recipes or cooking/dinner ideas. It was a funny coincidence. Mandy, rightly, decided that we should declare future Tuesdays "Trading Recipe Tuesdays." I think it is a nice idea...It sucks when you get in a rut when feeding the family. I easily fall into dinner/kitchen ruts when the school year comes around and kicks my ass (which, BELIEVE ME, it is already doing!).

In recognition of Mandy's new found love of a yummy Heath Bar, I present Tiramisu Pie. It really is as "easy as pie!"

Tiramisu Pie

*Before starting, brew some strong, dark coffee, or make some espresso if you are a lucky duck with an espresso machine. Let the coffee or espresso cool somewhat. (Or, all the way, whatever!)

Ingredients:

1/2 cup Strong brewed coffee, or espresso
Your choice - Kahlua, Starbucks liqueur, or my pick, Van Gogh Double Espresso Vodka
1 regular size frozen pound cake, thawed. (or make your own, but that would kind of suck the "easy" right of the recipe.)
8 oz marscapone cheese
1 1/2 cups cool whip
1/3 cup powdered sugar
1/2 cup chocolate syrup (store bought or homemade- you pick!)
1 cup heavy whipping cream
1 tsp vanilla
bit of sugar (maybe 2 Tbsp or so)
2 Heath or Skor bars (freeze them and then beat the heck out of them(I use a rolling pin or meat mallet) to crumble.)

Assemble:

1. Cut pound cake into slices about 3/4 inch wide. (eyeball it - you should end up with about 12-14 slices). Then, cut slices into halves, diagonally. Arrange these triangle slices to line the bottom, and up the sides of a deep dish pie plate.

2. Stir together the cooled coffee and the liqueur of your choice. Drizzle this all over the pound cake liner of the pie plate.

3. Beat marscapone, sugar, and chocolate syrup together with electric mixer. When blended, add in cool whip and beat until well combined. Pour this into the cake-lined pie plate. Chill for at least 2 hours.

4. Whip whipping cream with a small amount of sugar and 1 tsp vanilla. Evenly dollop over the pie. Top with a dusting of cocoa powder and crushed toffee bars.

Bye-Bye Birdie -OR- Why Don't I Know and Live Close to MoMommy? -OR- My Damn Bleeding Heart Husband -OR- I Don't Even like Dogs!

2008-08-18T10:44:00.007-06:00

What a weekend! Saturday morning found mom and dad sleeping in. It was heavenly. Not long after getting out of bed, Grant came running in the front door to inform us that, " Daddy, Daddy! There are baby birds on the sidewalk Really, really, BABY birds." And we were all, "grumble, mmhmm,, grumble, coffee, creamer, uh-huh." Then, Jamie came in to back up Grant informing us that Grant was not exaggerating, there were, in fact, two brand-new birds on the sidewalk and that only one was alive. The kids were not giving this up so Rich went out to investigate. Grant followed closely behind him. Next thing I know, Rich was back inside calling down the hallway that, "we have a problem." The problem became apparent when I came out of my room to find Rich in the hallway with a tiny, tiny, baby bird in his hand. I said something along the lines of, "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WERE YOU THINKING?" He said, "I know, I know, but Grant was there kneeling next to me and when the bird opened its beak, Grant looked up and said, 'he's huu-ngree, Daddy' " he continued that, "Furthermore, it was OUR cat who ingested the bird's mother and brother." And THAT is how I ended up making a baby bird incubator out of a heating pad, tupperware, and paper towels, and making baby bird Karo water and baby bird food out of soggy cat food. (You all see the irony in THAT one, right?)

As it turns out, you have to feed a baby bird like EVERY TEN MINUTES for at least 12 hours a day! And, also, they poop. A LOT. I was none too happy about all of this and assumed that the bird would give up the fight in a short while. Nope. Bird is still alive. I told Rich that apparently the bird was viable and that I was in NO WAY going to raise a bird for 3-6 weeks until it could fly (we figured out by looking on line that the bird was between 5 and 7 days post hatch.) all the while feeding it every 30 minutes....Not to mention IT IS JUST GROSS and should not be in my house. He checked around and Animal Control said they knew of some private rehabilitators that could care for it. Animal Control came and picked it up just a few minutes ago. What do you think the chances are that they are totally blowing sunshine up our rear ends and that there are no rehabilitators and that they just killed it??? Because now I'm like all sad and shit. Damn baby bird, I didn't even like you. You were UGLY and weird looking, but now I'm sad they might kill you.

Good Luck Baby Bird. You were kind of cute in your own hideously ugly way.

Back to School - The After School Edition

2008-08-14T13:36:00.003-06:00

Connor likes his teacher
Jamie likes all of his teachers, but thinks it is a pain to have to change classes and go to his locker all day.
Connor was not happy at all that his religion teacher gave them an assignment on the first day. In fact he said, "I don't think a religion teacher should be so sacrilegious as to give us an assignment on the first day."
Jamie was equally displeased that the new Spanish teacher gave him an assignment on the first day.
Neither Connor nor Jamie likes that the new Spanish teacher speaks no English in her classroom for 5th grade and up. In further evidence that my children are total smart-asses they said, "She makes Spanish seem like a foreign language!" They thought they were very clever and cracked themselves up at lunch over this one. (We ate trashy Chinese at the buffet they make me take them to every year on the first day of school. I happen to LOVE tradition for the sake of tradition, so I play along even though the food is gross. Blame the Catholicity!)
More evidence that my kids are ridiculously lucky to get to go to this school...Every kid found one of these beautiful cookies on their desk this morning: (School mascot is a hornet)

Say a little prayer that tomorrow goes as smoothly. I have my doubts as tomorrow is a formal uniform day, and I'm likely to forget to help Jamie tie his tie tonight and then there will be much stressing an crazy hurrying around like chickens with our heads cut off in the morning. Hopefully, just writing that sentence here will help imprint the mental memo onto my brain. Or, maybe Ill make my Palm yell at me ...Duh! Should have thought of that before right now!

All Systems Go! Photodocumentation for Dad

2008-08-14T08:24:00.019-06:00

The first day of 5th and 7th grades! It went pretty smoothly. I hope they don't think breakfast will be this yummy everyday. They had raspberry coffee cake, eggs, bacon, and fruit. Yes, that is a coffee cup in front of Connor - he is his momma's boy!

The annual front and back "ready to go" pictures!

OH MY GOSH!!! Best part of the morning! The music teacher was playing twinkling background piano as the students and parents came in this morning. It was like the festive happy atmosphere of Nordstroms on a Saturday. I LOVE this school for things just like this. It REALLY IS the little touches that matter! I could gush about their school for many a paragraph, so I'll cut myself off right here.

Connor in the 5th Grade classroom!

I even snuck down the middle school hallway and got these blurry pictures of the new 7th grader! He looks just "miserable," doesn't he?

Does Dinner Taste Better in a Pretty Kitchen? **EDITED for leftovers!

2008-08-12T06:22:00.009-06:00

I do not know for sure, but I can tell you for sure that every single person in my family asked for seconds and raved and gushed about dinner last night. I can always count on one or two people to love dinner, while the other one or two act as though I'm feeding them rotten Alpo. EVERYONE being thrilled with dinner is a big deal. It was a simple dinner so I thought I'd share my creation with anyone interested. (If you lived in Japan with me, or ever visited me there, this tastes A LOT like Pancho's chicken salsa blanca!)

Take 5 boneless/skinless chicken breasts and put them in a baking dish. Season them liberally with taco seasoning, garlic salt, and black pepper. Slice a small onion and lay a few rings over the chicken. Drizzle all of this with the tiniest amount of a neutral oil such as light/extra light olive oil or just a vegetable/canola oil. Bake chicken in a 375 degree oven for about 3o minutes or until done depending upon the size of your chicken breasts.

Let cool for about 10 minutes or until you feel like dealing with getting dinner on the table. Then chop and/or shred all of the chicken. Dump the chopped/shredded chicken into a large skillet or saute pan. Add in about 1 1/2 - 2 cups Pace Salsa Verde. (you can also toss in some minced jalapeno here for some extra "kick") Mix together over medium-high heat. Let it really start to simmer/boil. Then just let it cook for about 45 minutes to an hour or until most of the liquid has evaporated. (you won't be able to evaporate all of it, but it will be greatly reduced) At this point cut 4-6 oz of light cream cheese into pieces and stir it into the hot chicken until melted and blended. Stir in a bit of salt and pepper. Serve alongside warm corn and/or flour tortillas. I baked some refried beans topped with enchilada sauce and shredded cheese as a side dish. A big fruit salad made for a refreshing accompaniment as well.

Hope your family enjoys as much as mine. It was really easy! You could even bake and chop the chicken the night before...How easy would that make dinner the next day?

**EDIT/UPDATE** Leftoves are di-vine over rice! (thought of doing this first go-around next time, but cooking the rice with rotel mixed in)

Royalties Could Pay Off My New Floors!

2008-08-11T21:08:00.004-06:00

Dear JC Penney,

Are you reading my blog? I'd like my royalty check please. AND, do you REALLY think today's hipsters even get your reference to The Breakfast Club? I mean, its not like every parent runs around quoting the brat pack like I do. However, if you want to keep going in this direction can I suggest a commercial set to OMD's "If You Leave" advertising all pink clothing and accessories?

Truer Words Never Spoken

2008-08-07T22:03:00.003-06:00

A friend of Connor's came to pick him up to take him to his class's Back-to-School party tonight. His mother is very nice and she is fascinated by the pilot marriage lifestyle. She is constantly (like to the point of being annoying) telling me how she "could not do it!" she "doesn't know HOW I do it!" and that I am her "hero" and "amazing!" It is all very sweet. Really, it is. I'm not gonna say that I don't like the praise. I usually respond that,"Well, I've never known anything different." Today, she was gushing more than usual after a week of PTO craziness. She only saw the results. She didn't see the behind-the-scenes pictures of my house going to hell in a hand basket, or the laundry piling up higher than Mount McKinley, or the amount of fast food crap my children ate during the insanity that was my week. She once again said, " I just don't know how you do all that you do!"

Connor looked up at her and said, "Sometimes she just doesn't."

That, my friends, is EXACTLY HOW I do it...Sometimes I just DON'T.

Misjudged and Underestimated - AGAIN!

2008-08-06T22:53:00.003-06:00

Admittedly, and thankfully, I look a bit young for my age, and look too young to have 13 yr old child. Also admittedly, I am younger than the average mom of a 13 yr old 7th grader. However, I do NOT look like a teen bride. I have to cover gray hair for heaven's sake!

I really thought that back when I turned 30 people would start to take me seriously. People would stop saying stupid things like, "what were you, like FIFTEEN when you had your first?" I thought that being able to answer the inevitable, "How old ARE you?" question with an answer that the did not start with twenty, but rather the more respectable thirtysomething would buy me a little respect. Au contrar, Mufrair!!! (No, I do NOT know how to spell that - phonetically is all I got!)

I am now well on my way out of my early thirties and into my mid thirties, and yet...We are "mentoring" a new family at our school. They are older, late-in-life parents. They have been polite, but cool and stand-offish with me while I have been trying to befriend them and to help them with their transition to Texas and to our school. Today, all of a sudden, she called me. She was friendly and gracious. She was complimenting how organized, informative, and efficient the New Parent Orientation was last night. She even remarked that I "looked very professional" and that I was "organized and well informed." While this was very complimentary, her tone revealed her surprise at all she was saying. Once again, she, like many others before her, had assumed I was a bumble-headed young thing incapable of all the things she had seen. It was as if she expected any event that I was in charge of would be a complete disaster and that I wouldn't even know how to dress myself appropriately to speak in front of 75 new parents! And, you know what else? I wonder if she noticed that the lovely Jennifer is a good deal younger than I! Yes, we two young bumble heads who enjoy discussing cute shoes and lipstick shades are capable of all kinds of grown-up activities!

AARGH! This should not frustrate me this much, but it does. At what age will this age bias cease? When will I no longer have to PROVE to people I am not an idiot. Or, is it not the age factor at all? (though I'm sure that it is because people come right out and say it!) Is it because I am not gainfully employed outside of the home?

Surely some of you have experienced similar things, right? People who assume you are not a serious or smart person because you read InStyle or Cosmo during your study breaks? Or you like to wear makeup and cute clothes instead of sweats or pajamas to college classes? Did this happen when you young professionals were just starting your careers?

Dear Rich,

2008-08-05T23:38:00.010-06:00

I realize you are gift-giving challenged. Allow me to help you by presenting a small, certainly not comprehensive, list of sure fire birthday pleasers.

I don't usually like the thicker heels, but these shoes speak to me. I love classics and these are updated spectators. What's more classic than a shirt dress, trench coat, or spectators?

BUT, I want this dress in teak, not this coral color.

(Thank you, Slynnro!)

My bottle is running low, and I broke the spritzer head by dropping it on the tile.

Love this dress - so many ways to accessorize, and so figure flattering. Would be so cute with those shoes up at the top!

I have too many red dresses, but they are all summer dresses. This one I could wear through the fall.

There are so many more things that would bring a smile to may face, but these are a good place to start. Of course nothing would put a bigger smile on my face than a night on the town with you! A room at the Ashton and a night in Fort Worth would be a no-fail option also!

Love,

Your-soon-to-be-a-year-older wife, MaryB

Friend Unexpected

2008-08-05T23:07:00.003-06:00

Remember this? and this? Well, I was wrong. Jennifer, Madame Vice President of the PTO, is far more than I had hoped. Y'all (YES! I SAID Y'ALL!), she is so awesome that I broke one of my cardinal rules...I sent her the link to the blog!!...a real-life person...a link to the blog...She is THAT cool!

Hi Jennifer - Love ya!

A Quick Post So That You Don't Forget About Me

2008-07-31T12:01:00.003-06:00

And, if that title does not cause your brain to conjure up the song, "doooo'nt yooouu forget about me. don't, don't , don't for-get about me..." Then you are too young , I don't like you anymore, and you are so NOT invited to any of my Breakfast Club parties.

So, my hormones are so out of whack that I, in the absence of salt and vinegar potato chips, am considering heading to the closest ranch and fighting the cattle for a turn at the salt lick. Is this part of getting older? this salt craving? Why am I not craving CHOCOLATE?

Grounded

2008-07-30T05:58:00.005-06:00

I am keeping up with all of your posts. I just can't seem to get any of my own written. I am mired in remodeling and, mostly, PTO back-to-school crazy. I knew it was going to be A LOT of work, but it is even more than I feared. Can't even catch my breath. This could seriously be a paid position. They say it gets a little easier once school actually starts. For now, though, I'm just trying to keep my ahead of above water with all the PTO crap so that I can yell at the electricians.

It feels like I am stuck in my room, gazing through my window, seeing all my friends playing outside without me.

I'll be back. I'll let you know how I survive my first foray back into public speaking in 10 years.

Go visit Tracy and check out her advice, as well as ideas from her commenters, on how you can VERY EASILY help out less fortunate students start the new school year with pride and promise! Go. Now!

Tick Tock

2008-07-27T23:53:00.004-06:00

It looks like a harmless roll-aboard. It is not. It is a time-bomb's ever ticking timer. It sits in the corner of the bedroom because there is no sense in putting it away. It arrives home to its corner and immediately begins ticking - ticking off the moments until it leaves again. Every moment that it gets to sit in the corner is measured and pre-determined. There it sits, giving me the finger, letting me know who is in charge. Its ticking is obnoxious and sometimes deafening. Yet, I am not sure which bothers me most - the persistent ticking or the silence when its corner is empty. Maybe the absence of the ticking is what makes it possible for me to hear EVERY single noise that occurs inside or outside of the house all night long and never really fall asleep.

I am strong and independent. I can live through both the ticking and the silence, but sometimes I'd just rather not.

It Is a SAD State of Affairs

2008-07-25T21:45:00.003-06:00

When the brightest part of your day occurs while you are driving home from Las Colinas via 183 AT RUSH HOUR ON A FRIDAY!!! And then, all is well and happy in the world because suddenly I am singing along with Young MC to Bust a Move. Oh, dear Lord, I REALLY am old.

Also, a shout out to you road warriors who put up with that traffic every damn day. You have nerves of steel. My stomach was in knots. If you are not aggressive enough, you'll miss your merge or exit, but if you are too aggressive...well, this IS Texas....you never know when some cowboy is gonna shoot you, literally, like with a bullet.

(There is no one on the internet who can butcher sentence structure as well as I can. I am so proud.)

Seeing Light At the End of the Tunnel. Also, if you hate it, just lie to me!

2008-07-24T16:03:00.011-06:00

This first picture will only matter if you are my mom or someone else who has been to my house multiple times...look, mom, no more useless desk...That new wall to the left of the laundry is the side of the new pantry.

This picture is attempting to show all of you who have suffered my endless obsessing about shades of white, almond, cream, vanilla, and a myriad other shades of "not quite white, like old white!" Can you see how the cabinets are different than the white trim? In all of the other pictures they just look white due tot he stupid flash andmy inability to take decent photographs...this is the best I can do.

The following pictures are general pictures of the progress. Al..Most...There!

Oh, looky! Can you see my new vacuum in the one above?? I llluurrrv it!!!! Upright vacuums are forever banished from this house!

Still not the granite or backsplash that I would have chosen, but I like them much better now than I did before. (I promise I WILL find some before pictures and post them.)

Wall color is a little lighter than I had envisioned, but I still like it. And, it does look a little deeper in person than it does in these pictures. ( I think the flash is once again the culprit)

Tomorrow, electricians are coming to put in fans and lighting. Painters will be her to finish up some final touches. Next, need to get the travertine repaired, buffed, and sealed. THEN, time to get the recessed built-in office designed and installed. Finally, at some point, it will be time to put in floors everywhere else in the house! Oh, and one more thing, I now HATE the paint in my front living room when seen from the new kitchen, so I guess I'm going to be painting it now too! Boy oh boy! These things really do take 10X longer than you plan, even when you are planning realistically! until we are done you will have to put up with my pictures, because at least my mom likes them and they upload faster here than they do through email!

Yeah, That Helps! Thanks a Freakin Lot!

2008-07-23T22:58:00.003-06:00

Remember that "feeling like a loser" funk I mentioned yesterday?

Well, can I just say that logging onto Twitter and discovering that I now have ZERO followers compounded that problem. Yeah, Yeah, I know it is a technical problem, but hey, I was already in a funk. My fragile psyche/ego doesn't need any bruising!

UGH - going to bed. "After all, Tomorrow is another day."

Like Your Mom Used To Tell You

2008-07-22T21:27:00.004-06:00

I have nothing nice to say. Blame it on PMSing, paint and lacquer fumes, or just a "feeling like a loser" funk. Getting the PTO up and running for the new school year probably isn't helping either. The PTO gig should come with a complimentary prescription for anti-anxiety meds. (AND A FLIPPIN BREAK ON TUITION!)

Well, not only do I have nothing nice to say, but most of the mean crap I have to say is not entertaining, and the mean stuff that is entertaining I can't blog about. (SO wish I could - I'd need a REAL big soap box!)

Maybe tomorrow I'll get a picture of the bulldozer driver working on our street who wears a red cowboy hat that is longer front to back than the man is tall. The boys named him "Swagger" at some point last week due to the way he saunters around the work site. It cracks me up EVERY single morning when I hear one of the boys say, "Work must be startin'; here comes Swagger."

One bright note - progress!!! It is only primer, but I FINALLY found a color that really does look like white buttercream after you add the vanilla (sherwin williams creamy) and it is going on tomorrow morning!

Pie is DELICOUS, People!

2008-07-18T07:08:00.004-06:00

Maye it is because of my southern roots. Maybe it is because I am just a wee bit opinionated and really like to be right! This pie debate is killing me. I feel it is my duty to convert you all to pie. Swistle mentions that maybe it is just the fruit type pies she doesn't like. I can see her point. some people do not like hot fruit. Well, I have some answers. First of all, store bought pie is a no, no, no!!!!! The ONLY store-bought or frozen pie I will allow is Mrs. Smiths Deep-dish apple pie. And, even then, making your own is better. But, Mrs. Smith is pretty good especially if you top it with a praline crust at the end of baking. OR, instead of ice cream on your apple pie, I recommend fresh whipped cream sweetened with real maple syrup. Cherry pie? Bake sugared, sliced almonds on the top of your crust and serve with amaretto ice cream or amaretto whipped cream.

Now, if you are STILL opposed to the cooked fruit, I suggest this peach pie. It is only good in the summer when you can get great peaches. My husband looks forward to at least two of these during the height of peach season...

Fresh Peach Pie

1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened (sometimes i like to use half salted, half unsalted)

2 cups powdered sugar

3-5 tablespoons brandy (to taste) (can use peach brandy if you prefer - I like unflavored)

1 fresh-baked pastry for 9 inch pie (cooled, not warm from oven!)

6-8 large fresh peaches, peeled and sliced

3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

1/4-1/3 cup sugar (depending on natural sweeteness of your peaches)

Freshly whipped cream sweetened with sugar and vanilla

*Beat butter at medium speed with electric mixer until creamy; gradually add powdered sugar and brandy beating well. spread in bottom of pastry shell. Chill in fridge for a bit.

*Combine peaches, lemon juice, and granulated sugar; cover and chill.

*Whip your cream with sugar and vanilla to taste.

*Drain peaches. Arrange over butter mixture in pastry shell. Top with whipped cream.

*Try not to assemble too far in advance. 2 or 3 hours should be okay. Try to serve as soon as as possible for the very best results!

I LOVE YOU CHELSEA! and WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?

2008-07-17T18:27:00.005-06:00

I want to rename my blog so so so so so so so so badly!!!!! Was at Barnes and Noble today when the clouds parted and rays of glorious, ethereal sunlight highlighted this cover...

look through the archives and comments.....you KNOW my new name should be Are You There Vodka? It's Me, MaryB

I have a feeling that Ms. Handler's lawyers might have a few unpleasant meetings with me regarding copyright infringement or IP issues though. Oh well, in your heads, you can all now pretend that that is the new name of this blog. Or, **SUDDEN BRAINSTORM** it COULD BE my new tagline! HA! Yes. AND THEN you can all go to Blogstle and I will mix up fabulous vodka concoctions for everyone!!!

You're all putting this on your reading lists right now, right?

I Guess I Shouldn't Be All THAT Surpsised Now That I Think About It

2008-07-15T21:45:00.004-06:00

I signed up for Swistle's fast of solidarity for Erica. And, let me just digress for a moment to say that in my email to Swistle wherein I signed up for this craziness I mentioned how it just warms my heart to NO END how the internet/blogosphere is CHOCK FULL of women supporting other women. (And, I suppose that we would support some menfolk too if need be) WHY WHY WHY do I not see more of this in my real brick-and-mortar life? Is it that I'm not looking for it yet it is happening right under my nose? I'm sure there is goodwill that goes on around me that I do not notice, but I would freaking notice if any of my "social circles" had ANYTHING like what I see on the net 'hood every day. While I know there are many influential women out there amongst you all, I feel a need to give a shout out to Swistle as the Champion of the Women supporting Women movement on the corner of the blogosphere I tend to hang out on. I'm not quite sure how to round out this rambling digression except to say that if the world had more Swistles, and more of all of you really, the evening news would look a lot different!

Back to the fast...I shouldn't be so surprised to discover that while I do miss the food, what i REALLY, REALLY, REALLY miss is the DIET COKE!!!!!! Sweet baby Jeebus! I may perish from the lack of my constant companion! On the bright side I have discovered that Peach Fresca and Black Cherry Fresca are rather DELISH! The only glitch with these tasty beverages (clear, no sugar liquids!) is that, especially with the peach variety, I keep thinking, "You know what be good? If I put some vodka in here!" But, for Erika, I resist! Cuz she has some steely willpower and I can't let 'er down!

Okay, they are about to turn off all my electricity AGAIN so, This is it. The per usual poorly written, disjointed, not edited thoughts that i throw up on the screen!

Tomorrow we can talk about some trashy crap whereby girls who slept with your boyfriend (for an AUDIENCE!) in high school want to "friend"you on facebook!!! WTH???

Twitter Update

2008-07-13T22:06:00.002-06:00

Thanks for all the suggestions. I can't believe how many names are already taken! ANYTHING with MaryB anywhere in it was taken. YankeeMaryB was taken, can you believe THAT? Thankfully though, YankeeMB was available. So, you can all follow me @yankeemb.

Too Tired to Actually Write Anything...Change of Command Festivities

2008-07-13T20:40:00.015-06:00

We took the boys out to the squadron to see some of the cool planes that had flown in for the Change of Command on the Friday before the ceremony.

Do I not look preggers in this picture? Must burn that shirt immediately. Such a shame - I thought I loved that top!

Rich will hate that I included this picture, but I HAD to beecaauuse, look at Connor's face! Me thinks someone was annoyed! (If you can't see his face - I think if you click on the picture it will go to full size. Same goes for all of my pics on this blog far as I can tell.)

What is so funny? ME! That's what! And they were laughing AT me, not WITH me! To avoid this situation I recommend not mistaking the word "ecstasy" (the drug) with the "exit seat."

When I was downloading the pictures off the camera, I was like, "Holy Crap! There's a ghost behind Rich!" I always knew Jason was creepy!

Believe it or not, this picture is a total candid, not posed AT ALL...The most quintessential picture of Patton ever!

All I can hear in my head is Reese Witherspoon, "You have your baby!......In. a. bar."

This is what Rich and MaryB look like with headaches after along day. Somehow, whenever the white uniforms get worn, headaches ensue.

Foiled by a Common Name

2008-07-11T07:47:00.003-06:00

There are too many people who share my name. Which is funny because I do not know one single other person named MaryBeth or any other combination of my real name! And, apparently they are all yankees and belles. NEED HELP -NEED FUN TWITTER NAME!!! I've tried every version of my name, intitials, things related to yankees, Texas, and belles, ala the blog title.

Help a girl out, would ya?

At the moment the only thing I've tried that is still available is
Textastic. You guys are creative, funny and all that...help me out!

i had a big, serious post planned about how I am once again bemoaning my place in life because of a conversation i had with a doctor while getting pedicure yesterday....Who needs THAT kind of crap on a FRIDAY?? And, well, obviously, a cool Twitter name is MUCH more important!

It's Like I'm Twittering - Only On Blogger and With Visuals

2008-07-09T11:50:00.005-06:00

Because you know, there just wasn't enough going on INSIDE my house...

Yes, half of my driveway is GONE - very convenient for all those crews working on my house, um, OR NOT! Although they probably LOVE it - seeing as how they get paid per hour of labor and they spend 25% of their time moving their trucks at the City of Fort Worth's whim...

You know that deep down inside you wish you had one of these parked in your front yard, too!
Did I mention that all of this insanity of making the street look like a war zone is to result in our street being narrower??? Because some brainiac at City Hall decided that every single street in Fort Worth should be exactly the same width. Our circa 1950 streets are too wide. "They" say that this will save the city millions in the long run when it comes time to resurface streets. Yes, after you pay to extend every single homeowner's sprinkler system, sod the new portions of "yard," and create new curbs....yes, I can see how that will save you TONS of money. And, NO, they are NOT putting in sidewalks with the reclaimed space - dumb. dumb, dumb...

I need some more pie. Pass a fork, please.

Food Is Love - Especially When It Is Chocolate.

2008-07-08T23:00:00.005-06:00

It has been a rather sucky week thus far in internet land. Katie feels like crap and has had no sleep. Slynnro's yuppie world has been assaulted by crime yet again. Tessie revealed her shitty deal. Mandy is having a spell of self-doubt and general hand-wringing. And, then, there is the Queen of the Icebergs, who has more to deal with than can be asked of one human being (I'll link to her if I get her permission - she could really use as much good karma and as many warm thoughts as you could muster to send her way!)

If you have ever read about how this blog's title came to be, then you know I am, proudly, a southern girl. Well, in the south, we believe that anything can be fixed with food. Unfortunately I can't feasibly bake and deliver goodies to all of you. (Because I SO WOULD if I could!!) Instead, I'm just going to share my favorite easy chocolate pie recipe and you can all whip one up. We can have a virtual coffee-and-pie girlfriend pick-me-up date! This pie is not as rich and sinful as a French Silk (Rich's fav!), but it is a very rich and decadent result considering very minimal effort! I far prefer it in a blind-baked, traditional pie crust (Pillsbury roll n' bake will do!), but my kids prefer an Oreo or chocolate graham crust (which you can, of course, purchase pre-made at the store!).

Chocolicious Pie

2/3 cup milk
3/4 - 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips (do not use milk chocolate!)
1/4 cup cold water
2 generous tablespoons cornstarch
1 14-oz can sweetened condensed milk
3 large eggs, beaten
11/2 tsp vanilla
4 Tablespoons butter, cut into a few pieces
1 cup heavy whipping cream whipped with 1/4 cup sugar (OR, if in a hurry pick up a can of the Extra Creamy Reddi-Whip!)
Possible decorative and tasty toppings - finely chopped toffee bars, toasted and chopped nuts, mini chocolate chips, use your imagination or use nothing at all - that's fine too!

Heat milk (NOT the condensed milk!) in a a medium-large saucepan until it just begins to bubble around the edges (DO NOT LET IT COME TO A BOIL!) Remove from heat and whisk in chocolate chips until melted.

While that cools a bit, stir the condensed milk and vanilla into the beaten eggs. Stir together the cold water and cornstarch until it is not lumpy. Add cornstarch mixture to the egg mixture.

Add the egg mixture to the chocolate in the saucepan. Bring to a boil over medium heat whisking constantly. Boil for about 1 minute. the filling will thicken and smooth out very quickly once you reach this point. remove from heat and stir in the chilled butter.

Spoon mixture into your crust of choice. Chill several hours. Top with your sweetened, whipped cream. Add toppings if you choose!

I Am A Big Fat Liar

2008-07-08T21:55:00.003-06:00

Dear Tracy,

I am very sorry to have told you a lie. I told you that my life had not been all that interrupted by the remodeling. Well, I can no longer stand by that statement. First of all, I was awakened this morning by a cal from my contractor (good neighbor friend a few houses down) at 6:54am to tell me that the worker bees were at my back door and couldn't get in. Duh!!! Every other work crew has shown up between 8 and 8:15am. My whole family was still sound asleep at 6:54am!!!! And then, this happened... (I hear it will be worse for the next week as the bed and texture, and paint crews start sanding and spraying)

What? You don't make breakfast in your bathroom?

BUT, BUT, BUT, Hey Mom!!! I have a PANTRY!!! FINALLY! Its not as big as we would've liked, but it is light years better than nothing which, as you know, is what we had before today! AND it has a door switch for the light - I LOVE those! they are ingenious! (Yes, indeed, I AM easily amused!)

Damn You Leader Types!!!

2008-07-08T14:02:00.004-06:00

Apparently it is National "Join Twitter Day." And, as usual, I was late to the party. So, now, if I join Twitter I am just a pitiful follower! I have spent my life avoiding this persona. I wouldn't even read The DaVinci Code just because everyone else was reading it...I avoid all the "of the moment" things just because it makes me feel like a pitiful follower...Oprah book choices? No way! Not until at least a year later when everyone is over them already. I don't want to be the 17th copy of Pillars of the Earth next the the pool.

BTW, this is not me asking you to tell me I'm not a pathetic loser follower and to join Twitter like all the other cool kids. It is more of a vent about my bizarre personality flaws. Ever wish you had been born with a different personality?

And on the 6th day God said, "Let there be drywall!"

2008-07-07T16:52:00.005-06:00

Now, if somebody could just help me make a final decision about CABINET PAINT!!!! AAARRGGHHH!!!! I know WHAT I WANT. I just am not sure how to MAKE IT HAPPEN! I want a "white' that is not white, but I don't want it to bee to creamy either. In my head I dream of a color I call "vanilla." And, don't give me any crap about painting the cabinets - I hate oak, okay? HATE HATE HATE.

Tomorrow - tape, bed, texture and trim work. Is it possible that we could be completely done with everything except the floors by Friday??????

Self and Home Improvement

2008-07-06T23:03:00.009-06:00

I have tried and tried to acquire a taste for beer. It hasn't worked. In fact, I may have come to find it more and more revolting the more I tried to like it. However, this weekend while picking up some tummy yummies at Central Market, Rich got me to try the beers that the local brewery was tasting/promoting. One of them didn't make me puke. It was even interesting. (Can't bring myself to call it tasty yet - a girl can't change overnight ya know!) Then I discover that the brewery is open every Saturday with free beer and live music. Uuummm, HOW could I NOT already know about this????

If you are a fellow beer hater (or am I the only one?) come on down the the Rahr Brewery with me next Saturday and try some Ugly Pug. Doesn't it just figure that the beer I learn to like is called Ugly Pug? I couldn't have liked something a little more refined like Stella Artois or something? Of course not.

In other news, I might be needing some extra beer, wine, or cocktails in order to cope with the state of things around here...

Progress, but a pain in the butt nonetheless. Also, I can't blog or generally waste any time on the net during the day since they keep turning off the electricity! They seem to think that their not getting electrocuted supersedes my needing to know about Tessie's "deal!"

There Really Is No End To My Naivety

2008-07-06T14:44:00.003-06:00

It just NEVER occurred to me that anyone would PRETEND to be married to someone. Until, that is, Facebook had to send an email to my husband to "verify" that I was "in a relationship" with him. I laughed and laughed. I am such a dork. Oh, jeez...it just occurred to me that, knowing him, he'll hit "ignore" instead of "confirm" just to bust my chops! He can be a shit like that. He thinks he's funny :)

In general, I find that Facebook scares the crap out of me. Having to "invite" people to be friends with me? Are you kidding? Like I haven't suffered enough of "I'm not quite cool enough for anyone to want to be friends with me" in real life?? #%$&*!?! Like I now want to drag that insane insecurity to the virtual junior high that is the internet???? I find blogging to be much safer for my fragile psyche/ego. Read, don't read. I don't know you. I don't care. It didn't even bother me when Sylnnro's stalker-troll left me a comment letting me know how boring I am. DUH!! Tell me something I don't know, Buddy!

Foot In Mouth Syndrome

2008-07-02T21:49:00.004-06:00

Do you ever leave comments and then, when it is too late, realize it didn't come across quite the way you intended? Or that it was just STOOPID?

You know the most stupid aspect of my affliction??? It is that when you are commenting on a blog you can type, edit, and choose your words carefully. But me? Hell no. I give more thought to what I say, out loud, in person than to what I jet off in a comment. Heck, I don't even spell check comments.

At what age or milestone can I look forward to not making an ass out of myself anymore?

And a Good Time was Had By All

2008-07-01T11:59:00.021-06:00

I am having a hard time readjusting to normal life. Especially since normal life really is not normal life. I came home to a house torn down to the studs in my kitchen/family room. There are workmen of some sort or another here all the time. It is progress, exciting progress, but it is definitely not normal life. Vacation was WONDERFUL! There were some more pics I wanted to include but someone's hubs forbid me to post pictures of him without his written consent. I think he was kidding, but in the end, he wins because the adorable pictures of him and the adorable AJ left with Rich on the laptop. These will have to do for now. (Please keep in mind that I am NOT a photographer like Tracy or Paige!) It just figures that the only picture of me was taken the day I wore the bathing suit that I hate the most due to its unflattering nature! Grant turned 5 while at the beach! He loved his Kung Fu Panda cake, but was utterly TRAUMATIZED by the sombrero, singing, and smearing of whipped cream on his face at the Mexican restaurant. Seriously, it was bad. He was inconsolably sad. Thank God for my brilliant idea to let him open his presents to pull him out of his funk! And thank Ya-Ya Ma for getting him the Speed Racer that was just the thing that pulled him back into HappyLand!

So sweet, it will rot your teeth right the heck out!

There are no words for my happiness at seeing my and el-e-e's friendship pass down to the next generation!

WHAT kind of face is that you ask??? The face of a kid who REALLY doesn't want his picture taken, yet has been bribed for his compliance.

Summer Bliss!

Hey! My kid is UNDER the water!

Um, mom, if you keep calling my name to take my picture I'm going to get tagged and have to be Marco!

Yep, we built this, uh-huh, SUUURRE we did!

WHY WHY WHY was I wearing THIS damn suit and NOT one of the two I had like 8 million compliments on??? Also, could it not have been taken the day after I recovered from the salmonella poisoning and had the flattest stomach ever? So flat in fact, that my bathing suits would fall down!

No, Grant, we can't see you AT ALL! Nope, not a bit!

Taking a break from the sun and sand. I swear these cousins have a blast doing ANYTHING at all together!

I love that all the cousins love each other SO MUCH! But, WHEN did they get so damned old?

The requested, but oh-so-elusive, Kung-Fu Panda cake!

The incident that shall not be named. Aren't we great parents? His bottom lip is ACTUALLY quivering in this picure, and what are we DOING? Are we trying to console him? No, we are taking pictures to document his humiliation and misery.

See, Tebow was happy BEFORE they smeared whipped cream all over his face and laughed at him! Take note, future bride of Grant, there will be no cake smearing!

Edited to add...Grant just walked by as Connor and I were looking at the messy face picture. He became angry and indignantly declared, "Top lookee at dat!! It is NOT funny!"

Who Needs Kitchen Stadium? We've Got Your Dinner Challenge Right Here!

2008-06-18T13:33:00.006-06:00

We made them wrestle with their food to eat it.

We made them eat with plastic shovels.

It seems that they were the victors judging from the post-battle evidence.

Quote of the Day

2008-06-17T22:14:00.004-06:00

Grant to one of his cousins: "Could you top doing yat? I'm twying to enjoy my vacation away from home."

Against All Odds

2008-06-16T23:17:00.005-06:00

I might have had sinusitis, asthma, and bronchitis.
My husband might have been JA'd.
I might have had to take Grant to urgent care on Saturday to check out the fever and "funny sound in his ear" only to discover that he did not have an ear infection and that his fever was totally unexplainable.
Connor might have woken up puking at 5am the day we were supposed to leave (the 2nd try) for vacation.
Connor might have been convinced by his father that he had appendicitis and might die in the van on i-20 when his appendix ruptured. Thus, we did not leave the house at the ass crack of dawn as planned.
Despite ALL of THAT crap i am here at the beach! (blogging after WAY too much chianti) AND i will have you know that, according to the very accurate GPS we stopped for a grand total of 13 minutes ONCE for gas, potty, and food between Fort Worth and Destin. WITH THREE CHILDREN! My kids ROCK! We left the house at noon and made it to our condo at 10:30pm!!

Apparently, however, I stole my credit card from myself and, thief and fugitive that I am, tried to buy groceries at a Publix in Desin, FL. They were very sorry that I couldn't purchase my groceries but the fraud department had been trying to contact me all day about suspicious activity on my card. hmmmm....could it have been gas and Wendy's in Louisiana???? hmmmm...is that on the way from Texas to Florida???
Juan finally got it all straightened out when i told him that if he couldn't fix it before my Starbucks Java Chip ice cream melted in my cart that HE was going to have to entertain all 6 cousins in one condo while it was raining.

Tomorrow - reading, sun, cajun crab dip, and more red wine! Wanna come over? You're all invited!

The New Cardinal Sins - Vanity and Insecurity

2008-06-10T08:48:00.003-06:00

My Bare Minerals are running low. Time to refill or replace. I'm considering trying something new thanks to Slynnro. I love the Bare Minerals but am afraid that I need a little more coverage, but still don't want to look like I am on my way to perform in a Kabuki play. You guys have any suggestions? Stick with the minerals for summer? My SIL is using the Jane Iredale minerals - she says more coverage than Bare Escentuals - any of you have any experience? Id really like to try some Laura Mercier...BUT....

The only place to get it here in Fort Worth is to head to the North East Mall. People, this is SO SO SO far out of my "circle!" There is another option, though, seeing as I live 5 minutes from Neiman's. HOWEVER, I have SO MUCH trouble going to Neiman's. Everytime I am there I am on high alert waiting for every sales clerk to alert security that some bourgeois chic has infiltrated the "land of the beautiful people." Seriously, I couldn't feel more out of place, or frankly, unworthy, if I had just wandered into Buckingham Palace or Victoria Beckham's closet. WHAT is WRONG with me? Is it because they only take cash or a Neiman's card, because for some reason THAT intimidates me. Is it because I only feel like the people who belong at Neiman's are the ones up on the couture salon floor getting their custom Vera Wang's and Von Furstenburg's fitted? Isn't my money just as green as theirs? Is there anyplace that makes you guys feel out-of-place like this? Am I nuts? Help me to feel worthy to shop at Neiman's!!!

I am also looking for your opinions on one more thing. Do you guys have any shampoos and conditioners you prefer to use while abusing your hair with sun, chlorine, and salt??? I had a favorite and they don't make it anymore!

I wish I had something deep and meaningful to talk about, but I am one track minded right now!Packing does this to me! What can I say - I am an anal-retentive over planner.

Hello, My Name is MaryB and I Am a Hypochondriac

2008-06-08T22:16:00.004-06:00

Is hypochondria a symptom of being a mother? Seriously, I do not remember being this paranoid before I had kids. I had my ridiculous "tummy troubles" as I use to euphemize my wretched intestinal issues, but those were REAL, far too real. I can not think of a time before I had children that I was so anxious about every ache and pain. To be more specific I do not remember thinking that every headache I ever had was a brain tumor. Yes, you read that right, I am a NUT JOB of the highest order. However, I can't even be a hypochondriac correctly. Because, apparently most hypochondriacs go to the doctor. I avoid doctors like the plague. I'm petrified of what they will tell me or, even worse, they will figure out that I am certifiably crazy!

I'd feel much better if you all would confess that you too, on occasion, have ridiculous unfounded fears.

Because, you know, it certainly couldn't be the amount of caffeine I drink, the amount of sleep that I don't get that, or my over-thinking and stressing about every.damn.thing. that lead to my headaches. No, No, No, that would be far too rational and logical.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm off to my bed where sleep will likely elude me due to the amount of crazy circling in my head.

Throwing in the Towel

2008-06-08T14:40:00.003-06:00

I'm resetting the countdown to vacation clock over there ------> (the one in the pink box) I left the doctor (last time I was in a dr's office - 2004!) with a z-pack, inhaler, zyrtec-D and an actual note on his scrip pad to REST AND NAP! He also told me to drink less coffee - but, like, yeah right, dude! WHATEV!

So, the final nail in the vacation timeline was delivered by a friendly airline who jetway JA'd* (I can see all you airline wives rolling your eyes right now) the husband....Gotta just love that! (((NOT!!!))) But, after I got over my initial reaction to that - which was too obscene even for this trashy blog - I realized that it was sign - I'm just not up to leaving right now. AND definitely not up to driving it myself. So, now I can do some of the things I wasn't going to have time to do if I left tomorrow as planned. You know, right after I rest and nap after I don't drink any coffee....HA! As if!

Also, anybody have any great Father's Day ideas????

Oh, one last funny...I took the boys to see Kung Fu Panda on Friday. Right at the beginning there was a line where the Panda says, " There is no charge for the awesomeness, or attractiveness." What a great name for someone's blog!! I can see it now - "Awesomeness and Attractiveness Free of Charge!"

* For the non-initiated - they radio you in-flight to call scheds when you get on the ground...then, you call and scheds says, "Oh, you thought you were going home, did ya? Well, no you aren't. Here are two more days (or whatever joy they are handing you)."