I've been thinking. Well, obsessing, really. You would be too, right? If your darling son's teacher told you the she thought he might be depressed?I have poured over countless photos looking to see if there was a light missing in his eyes all this time and I had been to dense to notice. I have talked to several friends who know my kids very well, one of whom is a pediatrician. I have consulted my parents, my dad has some training in the counseling arena...and here are my conclusions...
- He has been a serious kid since birth. As one dear friend put it, "he is perfectly happy. He's just not all rainbows, rays of sunshine, and my little ponies."
- A little light has dimmed from his eyes in photos lately. However, it seems to coincide with his adult teeth coming in and they are indeed messed up and he is self-conscious about it. Wouldn't you be?
- I still see that sparkle in his eyes a couple times a day at home.
- He is EASILY annoyed. Hmmm, wonder where he gets that?
- His class (most of the other students) annoy him. He thinks they are overly silly and stupid and wishes they would behave better so that he didn't have to endure listening to them be corrected all the time.
- His teacher is a good teacher. He has learned A LOT this year. His writing schools have improved exponentially. However, she taught high school for too many years. She tends to lecture and expect the kids to take notes. Uh, helll00, they are in the 3rd grade!
- The above two bullets combined mean that he is not particularly enjoying school this year. And, 3rd grade is a big transition into "big school" as opposed to the lightheartedness of the early elementary years. It was tough for Jamie too, but he is perfectly fine with it now and I hope Connor will be also.
- No matter how much of an effort we have made, he does seem to suffer a little bit from middle child syndrome. Obviously, we will be making an even bigger effort from now on.
I'm pretty sure that I'm thinking intelligently and methodically about all of this. It sounds that way doesn't it? Not like rationalizing and plain 'ol denial. this is somewhat new territory to me. I, like everyone else, suffers from time to time with mommy guilt and what ifs, but for the most part usually feel that we are darn good parents. I sure hope so. Ask me in about 15-20 years.
Now, if you will excuse me, we are off to Cold Stone for dinner!
8 comments:
If my kid's teacher told me she thought my son was depressed, I would be asking her "What are the symptoms of childhood depression and how is it diagnosed? And given that, what is my son demonstrating in your classroom that leads you to believe he is depressed?" I'd be thinking that my son's teacher is well intentioned, but she's not a mental health professional. If she's going to make that kind of statement, she's got to have the documentation to back it up!
I'm sure your pediatrician may have already mentioned this, but in case he/she hasn't , depression symptoms in children are different than adult symptoms. Kids with depression are often very irritable and anxious, not always are they withdrawn and sad like adult depression.
Now, if your child has had a big mood swing, difference in weight or eating habits and no longer wants to participate activities he has enjoyed, those are all red flags too.
It sounds like you are doing everything right, taking in the information, gathering your support system, asking the experts you trust and then following your gut. Where is the denial there? All I see is good mothering!
Aviva and I have a goal of absolving guilt...One mommy at a time. Today it was you!
You might also try asking him. You know, hey, how are you feeling. Is anything making you sad or frightened or angry? And I might ask Jamie too, in reference to Connor. He might notice things no one else has noticed. But I doubt it is anything more than adjusting to life as he goes along. We middle children are pretty resilient. :)
Hooray for Spring Break and ice cream for dinner! I LOVE that tradition.
I have said this ten million times but you guys are honestly the BEST parents I know. Connor's always seemed "serious" to me, in a good way. I love that he thinks his classmates are silly and annoying. Eye-rollers, unite! Hee. I'm certain he's just FINE. :)
I feel bad I didn't call you this weekend. (((hugs!)))
Thanks Devra for your kind and helpful comments. Im happy to be the one you helped today. I look forward to looking through your site soon.
Thanks guys for your thoughts. Eye-rollers unite, indeed!
Im sure we can survive 9 more weeks of third grade. And, hey, the kid got one B on his report card. He can't be that bad off. AND his 4th grade teacher is the bomb-diggity! Works their tails off but is dynamic, engaging, and Fabulous! Jamie is a different kid after having had her after his wretched 3rd grade year!
Maybe it is just 3rd grade? make a note for yourself for when Grant gets there.
It's been a long time since I've seen you, but from what I remember, we Parent very much the same. And because of that, and my own experience, and what I know of you, I believe Connor Will Be Fine. I also have experience (indirectly, through my sister) how teachers seem to over-react and me somewhat alarmist. Maybe I feel that way because I filter everything through my somewhat Bohemian, Rosy-Eyeglasses attitude, but in my experience, what you think is best for your kids is best. No question. Hugs. P
MB - did you mentally beat the shit out of that teacher? What may have been a five second comment to her is lasting how long with you? What a bitch. How many years of post grad med school has she attended? If she had said "Connor isn't himself lately" or "Connor seems to be more upset lately than usual" - those could be leading, they are not diagnoses, and you could have done with them what you wanted. Ugh.
"bomb-diggity!" Hee!! I can't wait to read the 4th grade stories that you post next year.
Your family rocks. Truly.
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