Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Important Numbers

8 = number of days I have to make lunches until summer vacation begins

2 = number of Fridays left to work lunch/recess duty at school

1 = number of projects left to be completed/turned in before the fun days of end-of-year begin

0 = number of teachers' gifts I have purchased

4 = number of weeks before we head to the beach!!!!!

10 = number of pounds I'd like to lose before the beach

5 = highest number of pounds one could realistically lose in 4 weeks

0 = number of people whose skin is whiter/paler than mine (God Bless Olay Touch of Sun!)

1,000,001 = number of things I would like to do, buy, and organize before vacation

Monday, May 14, 2007

Cast Your Vote

I'm obsessing again. I know you're shocked. Ha!

Do you have any idea how many trips I have made to the wood floor showroom?

After many many trips to the showroom, much deliberating, and no less than 20 samples brought home and returned, I have narrowed the field to two choices. Neither choice is anything like the formal dark stained cherry I thought i would end up with.

So, I'm asking you for help. One choice is a very traditional 2 1/4-inch-strip of a warm honey brown tone of beech. The other is a warmer/darker, slightly-more-red stained maple in 6 1/2-inch plantation style planks. I think of wide planks as old and "plantation-y." Am I wrong? are they and their "rusticness" just a momentary trend? Should I stick with the uber-traditional? Considering, of course, this is not my dream house, I have to sell it at some point. Probably in 3-5 years. Want it to be very marketable to a wide range of people. Or, are other people not quite as picky as me, and they will just be happy to find a house with wood floors throughout?

Can't wait to hear what you gals of good taste think!

Monday, May 7, 2007

Only in Texas!

Do they make burgers in the shape of your state? Do they come in a box designed to resemble the state flag?
This could be interesting. The California burger could go in a hot dog bun or hoagie roll. The Rhode Island burger could be the dieter's burger.
Oh Brother! Texas really is a whole 'nother country! Sometimes I think it is a whole 'nother planet.


Most of you who check in around here know me in "real life" and many have known me for quite a while. (Let's not say how long because that would remind us how old we are)

So, lets try a word association game. I say MaryB and you tell me the first word that pops into your head.....

hmmm....bitchy, mom, pink, boys

funny. not one of you said fugitive.

Well, apparently I was a mere 90 minutes from being exactly that, a fugitive.

It was about a week and a half ago that a police officer pulled me over on the way to yoga class. He informed me that my state inspection sticker was expired. Damn. I can never get used to having to get my car inspected. Another annoying thing about living in Texas. Anyway, he writes me a citation, tells me to get my inspection done, and to call the number on the back of the citation within 10 days once my inspection is brought up to date. Okay. not too bad. I can do that.

So, I take care of the inspection like a responsible citizen on Wednesday afternoon. I was very busy that day and do not call said number. Next thing you know its Friday. But, we're still good its day 9. So, I immediately grab the phone and make the call. HOLY SHIT! Miss I'm-really- important-because-I-work-at-the-municipal-courts-building informs me that day 10 is Saturday(I've already deduced this thank-you-very-much). "Well, we take traffic citations seriously'" she further informs me, and since they are closed on Saturday I do not get a day 10. As of 5:00pm my license is suspended and a warrant will be issued for me since I am driving without a license and have not appeared in court at the appointed time to plead no contest or guilty. WTF????????? Are you freaking kidding me??? Oh, and we will only take local checks or a money order for payment of fine and court fees. (court fees? what f-ing court?) I nicely inquire what my fee will be so that I can get a money order on the way there. I do not know why I was surprised when her answer was, "well, we can't calculate that until you come down here and plead." Well then how the bloody hell am I supposed to get a money order??? Oh, the idiocy. My head was about to explode.

To end this ridiculous story as quickly as I possible. I decide for some crazy ass reason that if I'm going down there, I'm at least going to make the frumpy court ladies feel old, frumpy, and stupid. So I waste some time picking out a raspberry colored eyelet halter dress and some pale gold 4- inch heels and re-do my make up like I'm going on a hot date. Rich is thinking that Ive completely lost it at this point. I finally go down there all dolled up like a horny wife whose husband has been at sea for 6 months and swear to my identity, plead no contest (You didn't think I would plea guilty did you?) and pay them an insane amount of money with a check. In keeping with the maturity I've displayed thus far, I write "FU Texas" in the "for" line and haul ass out of there before they can realize its not a local check. They haven't called me yet, so I guess they decided to take a chance on a check from Florida.

Seriously? Aren't there some child abusers, drug-dealers, or maybe some pedophiles they could harass?

Lastly, I looked very cute in that halter dress as I drank an entire blender of pina coladas all by myself.

Friday, May 4, 2007


Are you filling my inbox with political diatribes? Want me to take them/you* seriously?

Try using your spell check, especially for the subject/title of a rant that you intend to forward to a multitude of people.

P-a-r-a-l-l-e-l (not exactly what Mr. Grimes would call a $100 word)

I know people, including myself, make mistakes all the time. However, if you are pretending to have all the answers to complicated issues you should be sure to hit that spellcheck button!

*some "you's" have a better chance of this than others

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Split Personality Disorder or Just Boring Vanilla?

Your Linguistic Profile:

55% General American English

20% Dixie

20% Yankee

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

hmmm...apparently I have no identity. An equal 20% Dixie and Yankee? I would have thought I would end up very heavy on the Dixie percentage. Navy wife? World traveler? I have no explanation.

Sorry for stealing Jilly! Found it intriguing.