Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Documented for Posterity

11/11/2008 9:08pm

Rich said to MaryB:

" You have all the freedom and flexibility in the world. You have no schedule, no job, and no boss. You aren't tied down to anything."Bold

Absolutely NOTHING MaryB said in reply can be reproduced here. This is a prime-time, non-skinemax, PG rated blog.

Monday, November 10, 2008

A New Plan

I swear. I'm going to stop writing anything here and just start right clicking those copy and paste buttons to entertain you all with the correspondence. Just when you feel all barfy (props to Tessie) that you are mean, and that people have changed...No, they just disguise their
ass-hattedness better with age and experience.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Let Me Count the Reasons...

...That I will be going to Hell.

1. I am a bitch. After writing this, I got a lovely, sweet, long email from him. He even remebered to call me "Larry." Now who's the ass-hat?
2. I am selfish. Friday is Rich's birthday and I'm seriously considering leaving for the weekend because I know he'll actually be in town to manage the kids and I need to to GET AWAY FROM HERE! I almost do not even care if I find a girlfriend to come with, Ill go by my damn self. SERENITY NOW!!!
3. I am vengeful. As revenge for Rich being an utterly unreasonable asshole, I am exacting my revenge by wielding my credit card all over the internet. He may be an ass, but my ass is going to look damn cute in those jeans.
4. My frined had a baby, and when I met the baby my first reaction was to recoil in shock. It was a scary, ugly baby. WHO reacts that way to a baby? People going to hell, that's who.


So, here is a good example of why I do not let my fb life and my blog life intersect. Get a load of this friend request...

"MaryBeth, I know you'll NEVER add me to to your friend list in real life, but maybe you will here on facebook world. I have a 100% friend acceptance rate and am curious to see if you will be the one to break that chain of success."

Now in all fairness, this is an ass-hat I chased down to the church parking lot to yell at him. And called him an arrogant, self-absorbed ass-hat on numerous occasions. Because he is. so, he is justified in his assertion that I would NEVER give him the time of day in real life. However, isn't it just further evidence of his self-absorbed and narcissistic manner to challenge me to break his "100% acceptance rate?" Good Grief! Go love yourself in the mirror a little more. Good to see that 8 years hasn't changed you a bit you arrogant, self-absorbed, ass-hat.

I sent this reply:
"I'll add you. You get points for giving me a good laugh. Seriously, hope all is well with you and yours. I think I heard that you finally quit sowing the oats and got married?!@$@!? Ill start a series of novenas for that poor, poor, long-suffering woman immediately. The fact that she has neither divorced you nor killed you in your sleep speaks to her sainthood. Still playing navy?"

The upside here is that you can all plainly see that I don't really talk about people behind their backs. I generally only say things I am willing to say directly to you. The problem is, I'm generally willing to say just about anything directly to you.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

On the Other Hand....

Maybe Target cashiers are psychic.

I swear, sometimes......

Tuesday Trade

Okay, the EASIEST breakfast treat you have ever made: Eggnog French Toast. You don't need eggs, milk, anything. Just a carton of eggnog and bread. I prefer day-old French, Cuban, or Italian bread. It is super-duper decadent made with brioche! Just use store-bought eggnog in place of whatever you usually dunk your bread in. Then, prepare as you usually prepare French Toast. (I use real butter for French Toast.) Serve as normal. Or, for company....simmer a shot of rum or bourbon (I like the both - just depends on my mood) into your syrup.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Free Prying Questions With Purchase (Now Edited to Include Reader Participation!)

Yesterday found me at Target to buy supplies for Connor's project, Benadryl for his rash, and coffee creamer for my survival.

So, it is odd then, that when I checked out I had about a bazillion dollars worth of new lingerie. They have cute stuff there people! And, their 32A gel push-ups are one of the two best bras I've ever found for my "petite" physique. Anyways, I was checking out with about 8 or 9 matching sets of very pretty (and a little "racy") things. The checker-outer is going about her scanning of the many items and then stops abruptly. She has an eggplant colored lacy bra in her hand as she looks up at me and says,

"So, did you just get a divorce?"

Slynnro makes a good point in the comments. On the outside I stared at her blankly and said something really eloquent like, "uuummm, no." On the inside I was lecturing her that "if more married women were wearing this stuff regularly maybe there would be less divorces" and some other snarky comments about "married people get laid too, ya know."
NOW, I want to know what YOU would have said!!!!!