Seriously?

Most of you who check in around here know me in "real life" and many have known me for quite a while. (Let's not say how long because that would remind us how old we are)

So, lets try a word association game. I say MaryB and you tell me the first word that pops into your head.....

hmmm....bitchy, mom, pink, boys

funny. not one of you said fugitive.

Well, apparently I was a mere 90 minutes from being exactly that, a fugitive.

It was about a week and a half ago that a police officer pulled me over on the way to yoga class. He informed me that my state inspection sticker was expired. Damn. I can never get used to having to get my car inspected. Another annoying thing about living in Texas. Anyway, he writes me a citation, tells me to get my inspection done, and to call the number on the back of the citation within 10 days once my inspection is brought up to date. Okay. not too bad. I can do that.

So, I take care of the inspection like a responsible citizen on Wednesday afternoon. I was very busy that day and do not call said number. Next thing you know its Friday. But, we're still good its day 9. So, I immediately grab the phone and make the call. HOLY SHIT! Miss I'm-really- important-because-I-work-at-the-municipal-courts-building informs me that day 10 is Saturday(I've already deduced this thank-you-very-much). "Well, we take traffic citations seriously'" she further informs me, and since they are closed on Saturday I do not get a day 10. As of 5:00pm my license is suspended and a warrant will be issued for me since I am driving without a license and have not appeared in court at the appointed time to plead no contest or guilty. WTF????????? Are you freaking kidding me??? Oh, and we will only take local checks or a money order for payment of fine and court fees. (court fees? what f-ing court?) I nicely inquire what my fee will be so that I can get a money order on the way there. I do not know why I was surprised when her answer was, "well, we can't calculate that until you come down here and plead." Well then how the bloody hell am I supposed to get a money order??? Oh, the idiocy. My head was about to explode.

To end this ridiculous story as quickly as I possible. I decide for some crazy ass reason that if I'm going down there, I'm at least going to make the frumpy court ladies feel old, frumpy, and stupid. So I waste some time picking out a raspberry colored eyelet halter dress and some pale gold 4- inch heels and re-do my make up like I'm going on a hot date. Rich is thinking that Ive completely lost it at this point. I finally go down there all dolled up like a horny wife whose husband has been at sea for 6 months and swear to my identity, plead no contest (You didn't think I would plea guilty did you?) and pay them an insane amount of money with a check. In keeping with the maturity I've displayed thus far, I write "FU Texas" in the "for" line and haul ass out of there before they can realize its not a local check. They haven't called me yet, so I guess they decided to take a chance on a check from Florida.

Seriously? Aren't there some child abusers, drug-dealers, or maybe some pedophiles they could harass?

Lastly, I looked very cute in that halter dress as I drank an entire blender of pina coladas all by myself.