Trepidation

**WARNING** a bit of whining ahead...

All along this little abnormal breast lump "thing" I have maintained that it is nothing to worry about and that I am all blase' about it. Well, guess what? It has worn thin. I am starting to freak out a bit. Not in a hysterical, crying, woe is me way, but like, "shit. I really do NOT want to have surgery and I sure as hell hope they are right and that it is not cancer. And, if they were really sure it wasn't, they wouldn't be taking whatever-it-turns-out-to-be out of me" See? Somewhat rational, but freaking out (as evidenced by the run-on sentence/thought cuz that is EXACTLY how it sounds in my head). Admittedly, I have some control issues, and for those of you that also suffer from such, you can understand the strain that general anaesthesia puts on my brain. Talk about being out of control!

Ive noticed that finally admitting to being apprehensive and talking about it seems to calm my nerves a little. Thus, you are being subjected to my whining. Sitting in the pre-assessment office yesterday I realized, though, just how whiny I sounded to myself as I looked around at all the others in the waiting room and realized that many of them were probably dealing with much more immediate and serious issues than I was. But THEN, sonofagun, the CNN or whatever news channel it was had the "Breaking News!" intro which introduced, of course, Elizabeth Edwards and her bad breast cancer news. God bless her. really. Her family is in my prayers, they have been through too much in their life. But, the timing of their announcement freaked my shit out! Couldn't they have mulled this over for a few days and then told the world after I had gotten my all clear news?

Last bit of whining...Did you know that you cannot wear make-up or polish (fingers or toes) to surgery??? I tried to get them to give in on the toes at least, but no such luck. Seriously, if I'm going to be unconscious and in a hospital gown, can't I try to look presentable??? I think I'm going to cheat with a clear-polish pedicure. AND NO GUM CHEWING???? Do they know that is how I control my nervous stomach?

Be looking for my "Yippee! cancer-free" post next week!