Excuse me.....

But what the hell is this?????

Free Advice

This is not the method I would prescribe if you want to sell your house quickly. Despite the popularity of the contrary saying, honesty is NOT ALWAYS the best policy.

What I Have Been Up To...

I have been baking 2 -3 dozen oatmeal chocolate chips cookies per day. I have been running to Target to buy more Tahitian Vanilla votives and cucumber mint tealights. I have been reprinting fliers and disclosures. I have been answering the phone, fielding the questions, and scheduling the showings. I let them in. I left them to look and snoop while I drove around to my special hidden spot where I could see how long they were there, but I knew they could not see me. Basically, I have been running a 12 hour per day, 7 day a week open house. I have been keeping my house looking like this every minute of every day...Do you know how hard that is while still trying to live a life with three children and an absent husband????











BUUUT it all paid off. We received three offers this weekend, and one of them came with the the most perfect closing/leaseback timeline we could have only dreamed of. And they accepted our counter offer without a second thought. We are beside ourselves with excitement and total disbelief! Now, I need to go start researching new refrigerators because the new owners are getting our current one. Any suggestions???

The builder got our last permit on Friday. We are ready to go! Will schedule a pre-build meeting with builder this week. So, in my best Sarah Palin imitation, "BUILD, BABY, BUILD!"

However, underneath all of this happiness and excitement, we are well aware that we will cry like babies when it is actually time to leave.

The Third Little Pig

Now, the third little pig was a smart little pig and knew he wanted to make his house out of brick. The big bad wolf could not blow down a house made of durable, beautiful brick. The third little pig looked and looked for a brick that was just right. He even called Goldilocks because she is the expert of "just right." The Pig and Goldilocks drove through countless neighborhoods, took hundreds of pictures, and looked at interesting houses in different times of day and sunlight. None of the bricks were just right. But, then, one day, they found the brick that was "just right!"

So, they called the house builder and said, "We have found the just right brick. We are so excited!"

And the builder said, "I know it is just right. BUT, I am so sorry. You cannot have it because the house right next door to you thought it was 'just right' too."

The Little Pig will have to keep looking.

In Which Grant Tells You Why MaryB Has Had No Time to Post

That there dirt is now OUR dirt....the very beginning of a long, long road.

Grant Funnies

Grant was a hoot this weekend. First of all, I REALLY wish I had pictures of him dancing at the school dance on Friday. SO SO SO funny! He did bring two balloons home from the dance. He was feeling artsy on Saturday morning after the dance.

Meet Harry Popper and Pinky:

Grant says that they are in love and like to kiss alot - especially on Valentine's Day. And, can we just stop for a moment and realize how adorable, smart, witty and clever he is that he gave the boy balloon round spectacles and named him "Harry Popper" all on his own. I know I am his mother and therefore biased but I'm just gonna say that I think it is awfully clever for a five year old to come up with that kind of play on words.

In a more disturbing turn of events...Saturday morning found us sleeping in late and Grant finally came in and crawled in the bed. He was chatting with mom and dad when he remembered that it was Valentine's Day. Rich asked him if he knew what Valentine's Day was about. Grant said, "yes. it is when you pull your pants down and spread your love around the whole world." WTH? WHO the heck are this kid's parents? They must be some seriously effed-up people. I'm just sayin.

What Do You Do When You Haven't Blogged in Weeks? You Ask For Opinions!

Most of you are well aware that I haven't been posting because I am completely overwhelmed by my life right now. Crazytown gets crazier and crazier. We are still house hunting and mulling over moving. I think we are pretty sure that we are going to forge ahead. I think we are pretty surprised to discover WHERE we most enjoyed being while house shopping (Oh my! will there ever be a lot of crow to be be eaten by yours truly! Roasted, fried, grilled, broiled, all of it. SO. MUCH. CROW.)

So, we, at the moment, have two houses in mind. One is the clear front runner, but there will have to be much negotiating of the price and terms. The dilemna you get to guide me about comes into play with house the second choice....

Remember these peeps?









Obviously, we are good friends, yes? They are fabulous. Their kids? Adorable and fabulous.

Well, they just bought a new house. Guess where it is? One over from our house choice #2. Is that weird? On the one hand it sounds like a blast! John Daly's in the driveway and by the pool and fire pit when-the-heck-ever. Kids can play when ever. Pilot/reservist hubs gone? Built in company for the gals/moms! Sounds awesome! They think it would be awesome too. (or so they tell us!)

So, why does it feel so weird to me? Like we are crazy, stalker friends? Maybe they wont like us so much when they live one house over...that would make me sad.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? I NEED TO KNOW!

Also, I'm hoping all the worry will be for naught and that seller's of house choice the first** will be desperate to sell and meet our offer (if we ever get the nerve to actually MAKE the offer!)

**It should be noted for the discussion's sake that the first choice house is also technically in "the neighborhood." When I say "neighborhood" I mean a HUGEASS community that is now technically its own city and,in fact, has its own zip code. The first choice house is in a separate section/neighborhood of the masterplanned community. Probably in the section the furthest away from them actually. It should also be noted that often when we discuss pros/cons of each of the houses we always know which one is the first choice, but always end the conversation with, "BUT it's not one door down from G&K."

NO WAY!

So, I was out running errands and someone stopped me to ask about my blog. Apparently I have a blog?

Sorry to be a tease. Ill be back I promise. Lots and lots going on over here in Crazyville.

If all of you would get your butts on fb and be my friend we could keep up even when Im neglecting the blog!

0800 Status Report

0745 - MaryB in pajamas helping load kids into the carpool driver's car.

0746 - MaryB is locked out of her house

Current Weather conditions: 27 degrees and gusty winds.

MaryB is wearing what? Oh yes, her jammies.

Lovely start to a week that was already looking like hell...

Fail....But Then Success...And Then Maybe More Fail

So, my beloved WHBM failed me. They will not be getting that cute, white, tiered top in stores, in a size that will fit me, and I do not have time to order one. The good news is that I will now be wearing an outfit that cost me exactly ZE-RO dol-lah! Yea!

For those of you who may care (very very few and I don't know why even they would care) I'll be wearing the red strapless top (but with the velvet sash tied in the back)borrowed from Jennifer, and my very favorite black pants ever. The wide legs could NOT be worn with such a gathered, full top! The other good news is that someone, an angel possibly, returned the necklace I have been lusting after at WHBM... and I still had my trusty, dusty gift card! So, now I have two pretty necklaces to choose from on Saturday, and the the one I do not wear will get prettily wrapped and hidden in a stocking by Santa himself on Christmas Eve! Win-win all around. So, yeah! (But, SOMEONE please buy that white top - it is bee-ooo-ti-ful!)

So, how are all of you Santas doing checking off your lists???? I need to sit down and re-assess the status of the lists after I get all the nosey children into their beds! I am usually D.O.N.E. by now. And, by done, I mean bought, wrapped, hidden, separated, and Ready To Go! And all out of town gifts, wrapped, packed, and shipped. The big sickness of 2008 really took a toll and I am so so far behind this year! I do not even have a Christmas card picture taken! I'm thinking we will all wear black and white and send out one of those fun silvery New Year's cards this year. OMG - that will ROYALLY piss off my husband! But, seriously, did you notice up there how I fill my own stocking??? I do EVERYTHING in terms of the holidays with the exception of hanging the outside lights. So, he should just shut it, right????? Speaking of this, I've been meaning to ask you girls... Do you select and buy the gifts for your spouse's parents/family? I mean SERIOUSLY, doesn't it stand to reason that HE would have a better idea of what to get his father than I would???

Am I loser if I really do send out New Year's Cards? People must do it, since they make them now. Ill make them really cute, I promise!

Another Cost Cutting Measure I would Avoid

Forever 21. Holy Crap. That stuff looks sooooo cute online. In person - total C.R.A.P.!!! As if the prices shouldnt have told me this BEFORE venturing there. Fabrics = crap. Construction = crap. Size regulation = crap.



The winning outfit for the holiday party for which it will be FREEZING and we will be venturing outside (basically glorified bar hopping for grown ups):



NECKLACE:


TOP: ( I think I have finally used up all of my WHBM gift certificate with this purchase!)

PANTS: (this picure doesnt accurately portray just how WIDE-leg they really are...)

A Public Service Announcement

Let me give you some advice. The economy is kicking all of our arses right now. We all need to cut corners, trim the fat, reign in the spending, etc, etc, (Pick your own colloquialism)

Here are two ideas I will save you from trying:

1. Do not wax your own legs. It is a total PIA and the wax does not peel off in big, nice strips. It flakes off in little pieces. I have a darn high threshold for pain when it comes to waxing. So, don't go assuming it was because I lacked the fortitude to really do it right. No, home waxing just has a steep learning curve and is NOT NOT NOT worth the effort. By the time you spend money for wax and other supplies and then see how long it takes to do it right, you realize that a leg wax at European Skin Care isn't so expensive after all.

2. Aquafresh White Trays work like a dream. All the strip style home whiteners have been dismal failures for me. They do not git in my mouth, they slide around and generally annoy the crap out of me. The Aquafresh trays stay put. they mold to fit. They are perfect. HOWEVER, my teeth and gums have been suffering weird, painful twinges all day long. Strangest, most unpleasant sensation. Maybe I should just try giving up the coffee and thus reduce my need for whitening. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... AS IF!!!! Oh Holy Sheet!!! As I am sitting here, RIGHT THE HECK NOW typing this, a commercial just popped up on the telly for "NEW Aquafresh Gentle Care Whitening Trays" that comes with a special toothpaste to prepare your teeth and gums in case the whitening agent bothers you.....Something that would have been nice to know about YES-TER-DAY!!!!!

In the Mood

....No not for THAT! For Christmas spirit and joy.



Its share time. I'll tell you my favorite Christmas CDs/music...you all do the same in the comments or on your blog. If on your blog, then leave a comment/link in the comments. My list of favorites is likely to give away my true old-lady, mellow nature...

1. All-purpose wonderful, beautiful music:

*Christmas Blessings by Tom Baroco - All I can tell you is that it is just BEAUTIFUL. It will lift your spirits, and put you in the spirit of the season. Seriously, if you only own one album- this is THE ONE! Buy it now!

*A Winter's Solstice by Windam Hill - no description or reason necessary, right?

* Miracle by Kenny G - yes, I like it - you do too, you just wont admit it out loud. Funny note about this one: we have a good friend who refuses to listen to this anytime or anywhere because he finds it truly offensive to listen to Christmas music from a Jewish artist. I think its STOOPID, but find it hilarious for some inexplicable reason.

* October Road by James Taylor - Its not all Christmas, but its a fab album and his rendition of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" is PERFECTION for keeping the materialism in check. Something about they way he sings of "precious friends" really gets the message into your heart.

2. My Favorite fun Albums:

* Harry Connick - Harry For the Holidays (Really, do you need a reason for this one?)

* Diana Krall's Christmas Songs - We all know that I LOVE and ADORE her. Sophisticated, Fun, and at times Sultry. End of story. I do not care if you are a jazz snob who thinks she is a sell-out. Give it a chance, you will fall in love with her when your Grinch heart grows as you listen.

Elf soundtrack - MOST ESPECIALLY the Zooey Deschanel and Will Ferrell version of "Baby, Its Cold Outside." In some ways, this song is "our song." It is THE SONG that everything in the house stops for. Everyone sings, mom and dad dance in the kitchen. Its fabulous, happy and fun! I would say that this songs loops on continuous play at our house far more than once during the holidays. It kind of defines the MaryB Christmas Experience.

On a related note, I would like to thank the cantor at the Cathedral, or the music director, or whoever is responsible for the fact that they sing Veni, Veni, Emmanuel - all the verses, in the Latin. A moving Advent reflection!

Unfortunately I Am NOT Forever 21

Do you have to be under 30 to get away with wearing opaque tights with a party dress? I think the trend is totally adorable, but am thinking that a girl my age might look like she is trying too hard to be younger than she is. And, ironically, people who try to dress too young for their age tend to look OLDER than their age, doncha think?

The root cause of this dilemma??? This dress...The second I saw it, I just knew it would be perfect with opaque black tights and some black, very tall, ankle-strap heels...



That is what I WANT to wear. In reality, Ill probably end up wearing this top (because I already have it) with some wide leg back crepe trousers....UNLESS any of you can convince me otherwise!

Is This Thing Still On?

Well, hello there. How are you? I've missed you all so!

Where I've been:

• some crappy stuff that was non-bloggable, yet brain consuming so that I couldnt blog about anything else.
• PTO craziness - meetings and happenings and planning galore...
• Informal interview RE teaching 8th grade pre-algebra at boys' school next year. Still dont know if I want to do that or not...lean towards yes, but not sure..
• having friends over for Cajun feast only to have a MAJOR plumbing disaster flood my kitchen with black sludge when they were on their way here from the burbs up north in DFW rush-hour hell. Had to tell them to turn around and go home.
• Plumbing fixed, had them come the next day.
• The day after that was cooking and cleaning for Turkey day.
• then, it was Turkey day and I the food and company were fabulous, but later that night i started to come down with something and so did Grant and Connor.
• next day, Grant and i were sick as dogs. Grant ended up with a z-pack and a nebulizer. i thought I could just kick it the natural way...ha ha ha ha ha.. it is now Tuesday and I'm crying uncle. headed to doctor to BEG for help and meds.
• My mom gets here tonight for our annual shopping and wrapping extravaganza. Have been making lists upon sub-lists, upon cross-referenced lists to prepare....
• Having more party fashion crises. Need personal, live in advice giver. What is with all the catalogues and the almost opaque tights with cocktail dresses and open-toed shoes???? Are colored stockings back in?? December nights roaming downtown are too cold for bare legs, right?

Okay, so much more to tell you, but the shutter installation people will be here any minute and i am still in my snowman jammies ... we'll talk more soon. i promise...I wont be gone so long this time! Hope you are all well...be ready to tell me all the things you and your kids have on your Christmas lists, mkay? I'm always looking for great ideas an deals!

A New Plan

I swear. I'm going to stop writing anything here and just start right clicking those copy and paste buttons to entertain you all with the correspondence. Just when you feel all barfy (props to Tessie) that you are mean, and that people have changed...No, they just disguise their
ass-hattedness better with age and experience.

Free Prying Questions With Purchase (Now Edited to Include Reader Participation!)

Yesterday found me at Target to buy supplies for Connor's project, Benadryl for his rash, and coffee creamer for my survival.

So, it is odd then, that when I checked out I had about a bazillion dollars worth of new lingerie. They have cute stuff there people! And, their 32A gel push-ups are one of the two best bras I've ever found for my "petite" physique. Anyways, I was checking out with about 8 or 9 matching sets of very pretty (and a little "racy") things. The checker-outer is going about her scanning of the many items and then stops abruptly. She has an eggplant colored lacy bra in her hand as she looks up at me and says,



"So, did you just get a divorce?"

AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION NOW REQUIRED:
Slynnro makes a good point in the comments. On the outside I stared at her blankly and said something really eloquent like, "uuummm, no." On the inside I was lecturing her that "if more married women were wearing this stuff regularly maybe there would be less divorces" and some other snarky comments about "married people get laid too, ya know."
NOW, I want to know what YOU would have said!!!!!

Just a Phase, Right?

So, I have a confession. I am SICK TO FREAKING DEATH of being old and responsible. I'm sick of being practical and dependable. I have been all of these things since the dawn of time. Something snapped about a week or so ago. I want to go out. I want to be carefree and fun. I NEED a party. Lots of parties. Crazy, rumpus ones.

MORE of THIS:
LESS of THIS:



I'm assuming, because I think I'm a pretty darn good mom, that I will get over this. Its just a phase. It will pass. But, in the meantime...My champagne glass needs a refill, please.

Hindsight Is Indeed 20/20 (Brilliantly Illustrated By Shonda Rhimes)

Did you watch Grey's Anatomy last night?

You know how "they" say that the things that are the funniest are those things rooted in some amount of truth? Well, I could not have been laughing harder as Christina, Meredith, and Izzie watched the dermatology residents with equal parts awe, jealousy, and disdain. THAT is EXACTLY how college was for me. Other people having that quintessential, fun college experience while I toiled away like Quasimodo in a lab. I remember walking to The Commons to get some lunch and seeing adorable sorority girls stretched out on their Greek embroidered, oversized beach towels clad in adorable bikinis studying in the sun. I simultaneously adored and hated them. It was exactly like what you saw last night on Grey's! They were putting on the sunscreen while my pasty white nerdy butt was upstairs running a GC-Mass Spec and and IR on the damn oxybenzone in their sunscreen. The Greek girls were all sharing the knowledge of professors' past tests and helping each other through while all the people I knew were one step short of trying to actually sabotage each other because they (thankfully not me - I was going to law school)) were all competing for the same med school slots.

All that so that I could be the effing PTO president and be known for the best desserts in the neighborhood. Why didn't the future me clue the college me in?

As an aside, how sorry did you feel for Lexie, and why is Derek being such an ass?

Please take note! This is in NO WAY a slam on Greek life or non-technical college people. In fact, I'm saying those people were way smarter than me and I wished I had realized it back then! I am openly admitting my jealousy so save the hate mail for another day.

I Like Opinions When They Are Not Displayed On Your Car Or In Your Yard

So, give some more opinions. Here, on a blog. Where opinions belong.

**Cute, too childish, or ugly?

**Cream blush? Do you use it? Why do you or don't you like it better than powder blush?

**Patent Leather Leggings??? If you want a pair of these, PLEASE explain them to me!

**Ombre? Love it or hate it?