Admittedly, and thankfully, I look a bit young for my age, and look too young to have 13 yr old child. Also admittedly, I am younger than the average mom of a 13 yr old 7th grader. However, I do NOT look like a teen bride. I have to cover gray hair for heaven's sake!
I really thought that back when I turned 30 people would start to take me seriously. People would stop saying stupid things like, "what were you, like FIFTEEN when you had your first?" I thought that being able to answer the inevitable, "How old ARE you?" question with an answer that the did not start with twenty, but rather the more respectable thirtysomething would buy me a little respect. Au contrar, Mufrair!!! (No, I do NOT know how to spell that - phonetically is all I got!)
I am now well on my way out of my early thirties and into my mid thirties, and yet...We are "mentoring" a new family at our school. They are older, late-in-life parents. They have been polite, but cool and stand-offish with me while I have been trying to befriend them and to help them with their transition to Texas and to our school. Today, all of a sudden, she called me. She was friendly and gracious. She was complimenting how organized, informative, and efficient the New Parent Orientation was last night. She even remarked that I "looked very professional" and that I was "organized and well informed." While this was very complimentary, her tone revealed her surprise at all she was saying. Once again, she, like many others before her, had assumed I was a bumble-headed young thing incapable of all the things she had seen. It was as if she expected any event that I was in charge of would be a complete disaster and that I wouldn't even know how to dress myself appropriately to speak in front of 75 new parents! And, you know what else? I wonder if she noticed that the lovely Jennifer is a good deal younger than I! Yes, we two young bumble heads who enjoy discussing cute shoes and lipstick shades are capable of all kinds of grown-up activities!
AARGH! This should not frustrate me this much, but it does. At what age will this age bias cease? When will I no longer have to PROVE to people I am not an idiot. Or, is it not the age factor at all? (though I'm sure that it is because people come right out and say it!) Is it because I am not gainfully employed outside of the home?
Surely some of you have experienced similar things, right? People who assume you are not a serious or smart person because you read InStyle or Cosmo during your study breaks? Or you like to wear makeup and cute clothes instead of sweats or pajamas to college classes? Did this happen when you young professionals were just starting your careers?
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7 comments:
Oh do I ever feel for you here.
Having to constantly prove yourself is EXHAUSTING and frustrating and ARG!
I feel this way a lot at work, mostly because I work in a very male-dominated field. It's cliche, but true. I have to work twice as hard and think twice as long on things than they do. If I make a mistake, it's because I'm a fish out of water; I'm trying to do a job I'm not cut-out for. If they make a mistake, meh, everybody makes mistakes...
I too look very young MB! I'm okay with it. And yes, you will probably always have to prove yourself just because you are cute and look young. Doesn't it feel good to astonish them with your brains?!!! We're so special. Who knew we could be young (looking), intelligent, capable women who also love to chat about new lipstick colors or Coach bags? AND we can do all these things with babies on our hips. Thank you Navy for forcing me to pack out with two youngins, a dog and a major headache. I can still multitask with the best of them.
OMG do I ever know how you're feeling, MaryB!
I'm also much younger than most of the moms in my area. The first time I took my daughter to one of her friend's birthday parties, I could actually see the shock in the other women's faces because I was at least a decade younger than them!
To put icing on the cake, I'm also the youngest one in my group at work. I feel like they don't take me seriously because I read Cosmo, enjoy celebrity gossip, and quote movies!
I like looking young, but it gets really frustrating sometimes!!
erin - True story - I had a horse's butt of a professor in college who openly told me and the one other girl in the chemistry department that he would be meaner to us, more critical of our work, and grade us more harshly because that is how it would be for us in real life if we chose to stick with a male dominated profession. He said it was "for our benefit" because we had to BETTER THAN the guys to even be condisdered EQUAL to them! WTH???
It is frustrating and disappointing to hear from you that he was right! AARGH!!! Shaking fists at sky!!
I once was mistaken as my daughter's sister. Ya. And it was my second daughter... and 4th child. Okay. I did have my first baby by 21, but still...sheesh. I've run a girls camp (12-16 yr olds) and a church sunday school for kids 3-12. All before I was 35. I still get asked if I was a child bride. Just soak it in. One day... I'm told, you won't get asked. I'm 51... still waiting for that moment, but with a huge smile on my face.
Why is it that you seem to attract this kind of thing? You are not the only one, obviously from the comments here, but I also have other girlfriends who run into this. Now, I don't think I look old for my age, but somehow I avoid this kind of thing. Maybe I just look as though I'll knock someone out? Who knows. As your Mother would undoubtedly say, just ignore these people. You know you are capable, regardless of your looks or age. Maybe tell them that yes, you did get pregnant at 14, but look how well it's worked out for all of us!
can I just say that I am jealous that you have "older" kids ... SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!
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