Grey

This is for all the times I have been bound by the ties of diplomacy, pragmatism, or even, dare I say it, friendship to not say what I would like to you (in the plural sense)...

There are precious, precious few, if any, things in this world that are black and white. If you would just open your eyes, your ears, and your brain simultaneously the grey would be everywhere! Is it just that you lack the intellectual prowess to engage in the pondering and analyzing that leads one to see the many shades of grey? Or, are you so very afraid that you just might be wrong that it is safer for you to loudly and arrogantly cling to your righteousness? Are you afraid that if you listen to respectfully presented opinions that are in opposition to your own you might hear something valid? something that will require you to THINK? Oh Heaven forbid!

I will endlessly defend your right to believe and espouse whatever you choose with regard to any subject matter. However, do not expect me to respect those views unless you have actually given thoughtful consideration to all sides of an issue and formed your own damn opinion. If you have not done so, then you don't actually have an opinion! You are simply regurgitating other people's opinions. HINT: if you are not capable of meaningful dialogue on an issue then you probably fall into the "regurgitating other's opinions" camp!

And, lastly, declaring that all those who disagree with you are stupid only serves two purposes:
1. To reveal your own pride and ignorance. Pride, my friend, is one of the 7 deadly sins! Can you imagine its danger when combined with ignorance?
2. To completely undermine whatever view or cause you are supporting.

No News

There won't be any health news here for a while longer. The whole family is trying to recover from an ugly stomach bug that reared its head at a most inopportune time. I was in the throes of it right when I was scheduled for surgery. They are trying to reschedule as soon as they can.

So, for now, we are all still quarantined. I am feeling much better just very tired. I am keeping myself busy making plans for my sister-in-law and fam coming to Texas for Easter weekend. I can NOT believe how much it costs to go to the rodeo! I think I have an Easter menu nailed down, so i need to get a to-do list and shopping list in the works. At least those are things I can do while sitting/lying down. If I didn't have something to do I might literally be dying from boredom. And it will be nice to by groceries other than ginger ale and saltines.

Trepidation

**WARNING** a bit of whining ahead...

All along this little abnormal breast lump "thing" I have maintained that it is nothing to worry about and that I am all blase' about it. Well, guess what? It has worn thin. I am starting to freak out a bit. Not in a hysterical, crying, woe is me way, but like, "shit. I really do NOT want to have surgery and I sure as hell hope they are right and that it is not cancer. And, if they were really sure it wasn't, they wouldn't be taking whatever-it-turns-out-to-be out of me" See? Somewhat rational, but freaking out (as evidenced by the run-on sentence/thought cuz that is EXACTLY how it sounds in my head). Admittedly, I have some control issues, and for those of you that also suffer from such, you can understand the strain that general anaesthesia puts on my brain. Talk about being out of control!

Ive noticed that finally admitting to being apprehensive and talking about it seems to calm my nerves a little. Thus, you are being subjected to my whining. Sitting in the pre-assessment office yesterday I realized, though, just how whiny I sounded to myself as I looked around at all the others in the waiting room and realized that many of them were probably dealing with much more immediate and serious issues than I was. But THEN, sonofagun, the CNN or whatever news channel it was had the "Breaking News!" intro which introduced, of course, Elizabeth Edwards and her bad breast cancer news. God bless her. really. Her family is in my prayers, they have been through too much in their life. But, the timing of their announcement freaked my shit out! Couldn't they have mulled this over for a few days and then told the world after I had gotten my all clear news?

Last bit of whining...Did you know that you cannot wear make-up or polish (fingers or toes) to surgery??? I tried to get them to give in on the toes at least, but no such luck. Seriously, if I'm going to be unconscious and in a hospital gown, can't I try to look presentable??? I think I'm going to cheat with a clear-polish pedicure. AND NO GUM CHEWING???? Do they know that is how I control my nervous stomach?

Be looking for my "Yippee! cancer-free" post next week!

My Snow Munchkins

Aren't they cute? Spring must be the best time to ski...unzipped jackets, no neoprene masks, etc. Maybe I would like it better if I tried it like that. I think the only time I went it was like 10 degrees at the top of the mountain.

They had a great time even though they had to rent a car and drive all the way home. The perils of flying stand-by! 11 hours of quality time with Dad though. They got to see his home town of Hereford, TX and eat dipped cones from Dairy Queen so I think a good but tiring time was had by all.

A post on heavier matters later. Im hoping that a little yoga will create a little zen and all the swirly, crazy, jumbly thoughts will organize themselves.

Good Times

Lots of busy around here. All good busy thankfully. Rich finished his probationary check-ride on Wednesday. Yay!!!! For those of you unfamiliar...your first year at an airline you are considered to be probationary. If you sneeze wrong or have a bad attitude or whatever, they can get rid of you and you can't even get help from the union. Sounds more dramatic than it really is, but anyway, that first year check-ride is a big deal. He (we) are all done now. You gals who were with your hubs through flight school know that the "we" means that I can now spout off countless limitations and procedures for a 737. Useful info for a stay-at-home mom that HATES to fly, dontcha think?

Given that the boys' reports cards were fabulous (in my opinion anyway, but that would be a whole 'nother post), Rich's check-ride was over, and the weather was gorgeous in NM Rich took the big boys to Santa Fe to ski. They are apparently having a great time. I was a little worried that Con might get frustrated being that he has never been skiing before while Jamie started back in Japan. Nope. Rich reported that after 1/2 a day Con was on par with Jamie and was off the greens and ripping up the blues. Far better than his mom could do!

Meanwhile, Susan was house-hunting up in Enid. Ultimately she bought the cutest house you've ever seen if you are a sucker for old houses like me. Then, it worked out that she and D drove down Thursday night for an overnight before heading their separate ways Friday. It was so so so great ! I cooked all day with Grant and got the guest room ready. It makes me think I'd really enjoy having a B&B one day. I put some Pinot Gris in the fridge. Central Market had some yummy looking jalapeno and pecan stuffed pork chops. So I created a honey and white wine reduction to whisk some chilled butter into to make a tasty savory/sweet sauce to complement the heat of the jalapenos. Some stuffed potatoes, and Susan's favorite "pink" spinach salad rounded out dinner. For dessert, I made tiramisu toffee pie. We ate and drank and laughed the night away! Stayed up way too late, but not too late to spoil my favorite couple with a blueberry raspberry coffee cake, eggs, maple roasted bacon, and blood red mimosas in the morning! Oh how I have missed hanging out with peeps who understand and appreciate my love of food and the kitchen!!!! Once they are only four hours away...my newly remodeled kitchen can be properly utilized all the time. :) Sorry for the ridiculous description of food created and consumed, but if you knew me for realz, you would know that food and cooking are a major love in my life. I tend to define and remember events by the food present.

Once the Lofs were on their way, Grant and I spent the day hanging out at he park swinging and blowing bubbles. Then we made a trip to the paint store so that I can intensify my ridiculous obsessing over paint colors for our kitchen and start helping (obsessing) about exterior colors for Susan's new adorable house. Nothing like a friend who meddles, but hey, she asked for my opinion. I don't want to give her a poorly researched opinion.

Unfortunately, spring break is winding up. Today, I need to make sure I get all of their uniforms ready to go. Time to switch back to summer uniforms. Spring break has made me sooooo ready for summer vacation to start! Just one more quarter and then it will be time to start packing and planning for Destin! I'm dreaming of it already....aaaahhh!

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Where is the Camera When You Need It?

I walked down to the park to see if the boys wanted to come home for lunch. They were playing tennis. They had ridden their bikes to the park. Well, apparently it is very time consuming to take your helmet off. Either that, or they were afraid that their brother might peg them in the head with a power serve. They were playing tennis with their helmets still on their little heads!

Upon Further Consideration

I've been thinking. Well, obsessing, really. You would be too, right? If your darling son's teacher told you the she thought he might be depressed?

I have poured over countless photos looking to see if there was a light missing in his eyes all this time and I had been to dense to notice. I have talked to several friends who know my kids very well, one of whom is a pediatrician. I have consulted my parents, my dad has some training in the counseling arena...and here are my conclusions...

• He has been a serious kid since birth. As one dear friend put it, "he is perfectly happy. He's just not all rainbows, rays of sunshine, and my little ponies."


• A little light has dimmed from his eyes in photos lately. However, it seems to coincide with his adult teeth coming in and they are indeed messed up and he is self-conscious about it. Wouldn't you be?


• I still see that sparkle in his eyes a couple times a day at home.


• He is EASILY annoyed. Hmmm, wonder where he gets that?


• His class (most of the other students) annoy him. He thinks they are overly silly and stupid and wishes they would behave better so that he didn't have to endure listening to them be corrected all the time.


• His teacher is a good teacher. He has learned A LOT this year. His writing schools have improved exponentially. However, she taught high school for too many years. She tends to lecture and expect the kids to take notes. Uh, helll00, they are in the 3rd grade!


• The above two bullets combined mean that he is not particularly enjoying school this year. And, 3rd grade is a big transition into "big school" as opposed to the lightheartedness of the early elementary years. It was tough for Jamie too, but he is perfectly fine with it now and I hope Connor will be also.


• No matter how much of an effort we have made, he does seem to suffer a little bit from middle child syndrome. Obviously, we will be making an even bigger effort from now on.

I'm pretty sure that I'm thinking intelligently and methodically about all of this. It sounds that way doesn't it? Not like rationalizing and plain 'ol denial. this is somewhat new territory to me. I, like everyone else, suffers from time to time with mommy guilt and what ifs, but for the most part usually feel that we are darn good parents. I sure hope so. Ask me in about 15-20 years.

Now, if you will excuse me, we are off to Cold Stone for dinner!

Teacher Conferences

I didn't think much of going to an end-of-quarter parent/teacher conference today. Today was a happy happy day - both boys had spectacular report cards, the beginning of spring break, a half day, and no uniforms. We went out to lunch and planned our spring break ritual of Ice Cream For Dinner discussing the subtle pros and cons of each ice cream shoppe. So at 2:30 I head to the school. Con's teacher is not my favorite, but she is okay. We just have different philosophies on raising kids. No big deal. So imagine my dumbfoundedness when she tries to gently tip-toe into telling me that she thinks Connor is depressed. She admitted that she is not an expert on such things, but thought we might want to investigate further. The saddest part is she made some good points. Now what the heck am I supposed to do with all this? I am still processing. Of course, I will do whatever I need to do to get to the truth of the matter and then whatever help he may or may not need. My brain is pretty sure that none of it has to do with me, his dad, or his home life, but you can't make my heart feel any better about it. Can kids be chemically depressed? I don't even know where to start. With a professional I suppose.

Make my cake batter ice cream a double please.

A Rambling Update

So, who knew how very time consuming it is getting estimates and researching contractors/remodelers? I have no other life between that and the boys. Haven't even been to the gym (not even once!) this week!

Don't get me wrong, I am oh-so-excited about making our house the way Ive always wanted it, but it is surprisingly time consuming and more than a little scary to look at the estimates add up. And, what if my visions of interior design are not quite so lovely in reality? In the words of Dr. Phil, "I know enough to know what I don't know" which means I will not even attempt to envision any landscape designs...and do you know what landscape designers get paid????? HolyMoly! I picked the wrong career (actually, I don't have a career at all). they get $100 an hour just to come and dream up something and then give you an estimate...So, if you want at least three different ideas to consider...at least $1000 just to collect their damn ideas! AARgh. I do not mean to sound ungrateful. I am thrilled to finally be doing this. and I will probably sleep on my hardwoods when they are installed. Anybody want to come help demo the travertine?
In the months to come I hope to be able to post Before/Progress/After photos.

Other than that, my brain has been very preoccupied with loftier things. Do you ever feel that you have not contributed enough to humanity? I have certainly been feeling that way since finishing the book Same Kind of Different as Me. It is a true story that takes place in Fort Worth in the 1990s. It was very nice to be able to picture everywhere they go in the story as I frequent many of the settings in the book. As literature, it certainly does not compare to Faulkner, Tolstoy, and the like. However, what a story! I am not a very outwardly emotional person., and even I had tears trickling down my cheeks several times for various reasons. In the end, it gave me a renewed sense of faith in the human spirit, and a much deeper understanding of the homeless. Unfortunately, it was also quite a lesson in legal slavery dubbed as sharecropping. People who deplore Christianity may have trouble with parts of the book. I am annoyed when I feel as though I'm being evangelized by a book, but I did not get that feel from this book. It was more just a book about love, compassion, and dignity for every human. I just hope that at the end of my life I can feel that I have done something to contribute, and I often struggle with the fact that, as of yet, I have not. I could go on and on about this, but it would be circular ramblings...

In other news, I received Grant's acceptance letter to pre-K in the fall. Its not nearly as uppity as that sounds. Not that he tested in, just that there were limited spaces and he was lucky enough to get one. So, I will officially have some time with no children at home next fall. Strangely, I do not feel sad about that. I'm sure a little melancholy will creep in when the house is unusually still and silent, but for now I am so happy to see him growing up into a big boy like his brothers.

And, in other happy news, only 1 day til Spring Break and only 4 days til I get to see crazy Susan! Its been a long time, and now she is moving a mere 4 hours drive away. I assume Ill be seeing lots of her since the very small town she is moving to doesn't even have a Target. Definitely no Fresh Market or Whole Foods, Ann Taylor, Banana Republic, etc etc...I'm sure there are many such amenities in OK City, but surely it is more fun to drive here and shop with me, right? I think I'm going to drive up and go house-shopping with her. I like the idea of spending other people's money instead of my own! Anyway, I'm just excited to have such an old friend so close. hey, maybe she wants to help take up some travertine tiles?

LOVE THURSDAY

Love is reading bedtime stories to your baby brother.

Even when it is a Thomas the Tank Engine Book that you do not like at all.