Who Needs Kitchen Stadium? We've Got Your Dinner Challenge Right Here!

We made them wrestle with their food to eat it.

We made them eat with plastic shovels.

It seems that they were the victors judging from the post-battle evidence.

Quote of the Day

Grant to one of his cousins: "Could you top doing yat? I'm twying to enjoy my vacation away from home."

Against All Odds

I might have had sinusitis, asthma, and bronchitis.
My husband might have been JA'd.
I might have had to take Grant to urgent care on Saturday to check out the fever and "funny sound in his ear" only to discover that he did not have an ear infection and that his fever was totally unexplainable.
Connor might have woken up puking at 5am the day we were supposed to leave (the 2nd try) for vacation.
Connor might have been convinced by his father that he had appendicitis and might die in the van on i-20 when his appendix ruptured. Thus, we did not leave the house at the ass crack of dawn as planned.
Despite ALL of THAT crap i am here at the beach! (blogging after WAY too much chianti) AND i will have you know that, according to the very accurate GPS we stopped for a grand total of 13 minutes ONCE for gas, potty, and food between Fort Worth and Destin. WITH THREE CHILDREN! My kids ROCK! We left the house at noon and made it to our condo at 10:30pm!!

Apparently, however, I stole my credit card from myself and, thief and fugitive that I am, tried to buy groceries at a Publix in Desin, FL. They were very sorry that I couldn't purchase my groceries but the fraud department had been trying to contact me all day about suspicious activity on my card. hmmmm....could it have been gas and Wendy's in Louisiana???? hmmmm...is that on the way from Texas to Florida???
Juan finally got it all straightened out when i told him that if he couldn't fix it before my Starbucks Java Chip ice cream melted in my cart that HE was going to have to entertain all 6 cousins in one condo while it was raining.

Tomorrow - reading, sun, cajun crab dip, and more red wine! Wanna come over? You're all invited!

The New Cardinal Sins - Vanity and Insecurity

My Bare Minerals are running low. Time to refill or replace. I'm considering trying something new thanks to Slynnro. I love the Bare Minerals but am afraid that I need a little more coverage, but still don't want to look like I am on my way to perform in a Kabuki play. You guys have any suggestions? Stick with the minerals for summer? My SIL is using the Jane Iredale minerals - she says more coverage than Bare Escentuals - any of you have any experience? Id really like to try some Laura Mercier...BUT....

The only place to get it here in Fort Worth is to head to the North East Mall. People, this is SO SO SO far out of my "circle!" There is another option, though, seeing as I live 5 minutes from Neiman's. HOWEVER, I have SO MUCH trouble going to Neiman's. Everytime I am there I am on high alert waiting for every sales clerk to alert security that some bourgeois chic has infiltrated the "land of the beautiful people." Seriously, I couldn't feel more out of place, or frankly, unworthy, if I had just wandered into Buckingham Palace or Victoria Beckham's closet. WHAT is WRONG with me? Is it because they only take cash or a Neiman's card, because for some reason THAT intimidates me. Is it because I only feel like the people who belong at Neiman's are the ones up on the couture salon floor getting their custom Vera Wang's and Von Furstenburg's fitted? Isn't my money just as green as theirs? Is there anyplace that makes you guys feel out-of-place like this? Am I nuts? Help me to feel worthy to shop at Neiman's!!!

I am also looking for your opinions on one more thing. Do you guys have any shampoos and conditioners you prefer to use while abusing your hair with sun, chlorine, and salt??? I had a favorite and they don't make it anymore!

I wish I had something deep and meaningful to talk about, but I am one track minded right now!Packing does this to me! What can I say - I am an anal-retentive over planner.

Hello, My Name is MaryB and I Am a Hypochondriac

Is hypochondria a symptom of being a mother? Seriously, I do not remember being this paranoid before I had kids. I had my ridiculous "tummy troubles" as I use to euphemize my wretched intestinal issues, but those were REAL, far too real. I can not think of a time before I had children that I was so anxious about every ache and pain. To be more specific I do not remember thinking that every headache I ever had was a brain tumor. Yes, you read that right, I am a NUT JOB of the highest order. However, I can't even be a hypochondriac correctly. Because, apparently most hypochondriacs go to the doctor. I avoid doctors like the plague. I'm petrified of what they will tell me or, even worse, they will figure out that I am certifiably crazy!

I'd feel much better if you all would confess that you too, on occasion, have ridiculous unfounded fears.

Because, you know, it certainly couldn't be the amount of caffeine I drink, the amount of sleep that I don't get that, or my over-thinking and stressing about every.damn.thing. that lead to my headaches. No, No, No, that would be far too rational and logical.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm off to my bed where sleep will likely elude me due to the amount of crazy circling in my head.

Throwing in the Towel

I'm resetting the countdown to vacation clock over there ------> (the one in the pink box) I left the doctor (last time I was in a dr's office - 2004!) with a z-pack, inhaler, zyrtec-D and an actual note on his scrip pad to REST AND NAP! He also told me to drink less coffee - but, like, yeah right, dude! WHATEV!

So, the final nail in the vacation timeline was delivered by a friendly airline who jetway JA'd* (I can see all you airline wives rolling your eyes right now) the husband....Gotta just love that! (((NOT!!!))) But, after I got over my initial reaction to that - which was too obscene even for this trashy blog - I realized that it was sign - I'm just not up to leaving right now. AND definitely not up to driving it myself. So, now I can do some of the things I wasn't going to have time to do if I left tomorrow as planned. You know, right after I rest and nap after I don't drink any coffee....HA! As if!

Also, anybody have any great Father's Day ideas????

Oh, one last funny...I took the boys to see Kung Fu Panda on Friday. Right at the beginning there was a line where the Panda says, " There is no charge for the awesomeness, or attractiveness." What a great name for someone's blog!! I can see it now - "Awesomeness and Attractiveness Free of Charge!"

* For the non-initiated - they radio you in-flight to call scheds when you get on the ground...then, you call and scheds says, "Oh, you thought you were going home, did ya? Well, no you aren't. Here are two more days (or whatever joy they are handing you)."

Go Sell Crazy Someplace Else - We're All Stocked Up Here!

It has been my experience that making friends can be much like looking for a job. The problem with this is that sometimes, no matter how qualified an applicant you may be, there are no positions open.

I have decided that this is my problem here. Fort Worth is much like my hometown. It is a city whose residents are fiercely loyal to it. They grow up here, go away to college and then return as soon as is prudent with regards to their careers. This is especially true in the older Fort Worth neighborhoods. I would say that somewhere between 50 and 85 percent (closer to the upper figure!) of my neighbors grew up in this neighborhood or in a nearby Fort Worth neighborhood. They have an abundance of friends and family. I suppose this is one of the downsides to my insistence upon living in town v. the 'burbs.

There are many people I see on an almost daily basis. They are really nice to me. We laugh, we chat. It is good. I think this kinda' makes us "friends" more than just "acquaintances." However, this has not, as of yet, in 3 years, developed into an invitation to lunch or to anything else. I think that they like me, they really do, but all the positions in their circle of friends are filled. They are not looking for applications, no matter how great my resume may be.

You guys have any suggestions? This is new territory for me. In military land, everyone was in the same boat. We all had friends scattered all over the globe and we all needed some girlfriends in our present location. I think we were always accepting applications and handing out resumes. I am unsure as to how to navigate the friend market here. Is there a temp agency I should contact? Like a Manpower for friends or something?

Pros and Cons

Pros to being sick before vacation:

• Probably will be well and not likely to get sick while ON vacation
• Lose a few pounds, even if it isn't the healthiest way to do so
• good excuse for procrastinating all the prep work and packing
• lots of couch time to make all those lists that I LUURV to make before packing!

Cons to being sick before vacation:

• HolyCrapHolyCrapHolyCrapDoYouSeeThatCountdownOverThereInThePinkBox?????
• No one else here to shop and pack
• House needs to be clean and orderly as there will hopefully be remodeling progress while we are at beach! And I can NOT NOT NOT stand to come home to a mess and feel immediately overwhelmed and thrust back into reality!
• My SIL and I decided years ago that all b-day gifts will be exchanged at beach instead of throughout the year. This is SOOO much easier - UNLESS you are so sick that you can NOT move from couch and have not yet purchased b-day gifts for your nieces!

Also, if you have written lovely, thought provoking, or funny as hell posts in the past two days I apologize for not commenting. I had comments I wanted to share, but even my freaking fingers ached. I tried to send the comments telepathically,but I don't think it worked.

I Forgot to Deliver on that Happy Post - AND Juicy, LIMITED TIME ONLY additional Info!

I promised something happy on Saturday after my bitchiness on Friday. The only thing that really sticks out in my mind is that Grant invented something bizarre that was very cute. He spread a big blanket on the floor and lined up an assortment of toys down the middle. Then he came and said, "Mommy, you are invited to my Toy Party. would you like to play with me?" Sounds insignificant and weird, but it was adorable. Kids think up the goofiest stuff! It was like a Toy Picnic since you were not supposed to take the toys off the blanket. AND, he put every single toy away when we were done.

Today's happy news - Rich called from Hawaii today. He is back on US soil where his cell can call me AND, even better, I am going to pick him up TO. MOR. ROW! Yay! I swear this 3 week thing seemed longer than his long cruises. for the life of me, I can NOT figure out why!

----OOPS! ---You are too late----Juicy info deleted---don't want snoopy neighbors to accidentally stumble upon such on the blog! You can probably figure most if it out from the comment section.