This is not the method I would prescribe if you want to sell your house quickly. Despite the popularity of the contrary saying, honesty is NOT ALWAYS the best policy.
Showing posts with label is this a TRASHY blog or what?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label is this a TRASHY blog or what?. Show all posts
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Grant Funnies
Grant was a hoot this weekend. First of all, I REALLY wish I had pictures of him dancing at the school dance on Friday. SO SO SO funny! He did bring two balloons home from the dance. He was feeling artsy on Saturday morning after the dance.
Meet Harry Popper and Pinky:
Grant says that they are in love and like to kiss alot - especially on Valentine's Day. And, can we just stop for a moment and realize how adorable, smart, witty and clever he is that he gave the boy balloon round spectacles and named him "Harry Popper" all on his own. I know I am his mother and therefore biased but I'm just gonna say that I think it is awfully clever for a five year old to come up with that kind of play on words.
In a more disturbing turn of events...Saturday morning found us sleeping in late and Grant finally came in and crawled in the bed. He was chatting with mom and dad when he remembered that it was Valentine's Day. Rich asked him if he knew what Valentine's Day was about. Grant said, "yes. it is when you pull your pants down and spread your love around the whole world." WTH? WHO the heck are this kid's parents? They must be some seriously effed-up people. I'm just sayin.
Meet Harry Popper and Pinky:
Grant says that they are in love and like to kiss alot - especially on Valentine's Day. And, can we just stop for a moment and realize how adorable, smart, witty and clever he is that he gave the boy balloon round spectacles and named him "Harry Popper" all on his own. I know I am his mother and therefore biased but I'm just gonna say that I think it is awfully clever for a five year old to come up with that kind of play on words.
In a more disturbing turn of events...Saturday morning found us sleeping in late and Grant finally came in and crawled in the bed. He was chatting with mom and dad when he remembered that it was Valentine's Day. Rich asked him if he knew what Valentine's Day was about. Grant said, "yes. it is when you pull your pants down and spread your love around the whole world." WTH? WHO the heck are this kid's parents? They must be some seriously effed-up people. I'm just sayin.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
A Public Service Announcement
Let me give you some advice. The economy is kicking all of our arses right now. We all need to cut corners, trim the fat, reign in the spending, etc, etc, (Pick your own colloquialism)
Here are two ideas I will save you from trying:
1. Do not wax your own legs. It is a total PIA and the wax does not peel off in big, nice strips. It flakes off in little pieces. I have a darn high threshold for pain when it comes to waxing. So, don't go assuming it was because I lacked the fortitude to really do it right. No, home waxing just has a steep learning curve and is NOT NOT NOT worth the effort. By the time you spend money for wax and other supplies and then see how long it takes to do it right, you realize that a leg wax at European Skin Care isn't so expensive after all.
2. Aquafresh White Trays work like a dream. All the strip style home whiteners have been dismal failures for me. They do not git in my mouth, they slide around and generally annoy the crap out of me. The Aquafresh trays stay put. they mold to fit. They are perfect. HOWEVER, my teeth and gums have been suffering weird, painful twinges all day long. Strangest, most unpleasant sensation. Maybe I should just try giving up the coffee and thus reduce my need for whitening. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... AS IF!!!! Oh Holy Sheet!!! As I am sitting here, RIGHT THE HECK NOW typing this, a commercial just popped up on the telly for "NEW Aquafresh Gentle Care Whitening Trays" that comes with a special toothpaste to prepare your teeth and gums in case the whitening agent bothers you.....Something that would have been nice to know about YES-TER-DAY!!!!!
Here are two ideas I will save you from trying:
1. Do not wax your own legs. It is a total PIA and the wax does not peel off in big, nice strips. It flakes off in little pieces. I have a darn high threshold for pain when it comes to waxing. So, don't go assuming it was because I lacked the fortitude to really do it right. No, home waxing just has a steep learning curve and is NOT NOT NOT worth the effort. By the time you spend money for wax and other supplies and then see how long it takes to do it right, you realize that a leg wax at European Skin Care isn't so expensive after all.
2. Aquafresh White Trays work like a dream. All the strip style home whiteners have been dismal failures for me. They do not git in my mouth, they slide around and generally annoy the crap out of me. The Aquafresh trays stay put. they mold to fit. They are perfect. HOWEVER, my teeth and gums have been suffering weird, painful twinges all day long. Strangest, most unpleasant sensation. Maybe I should just try giving up the coffee and thus reduce my need for whitening. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... AS IF!!!! Oh Holy Sheet!!! As I am sitting here, RIGHT THE HECK NOW typing this, a commercial just popped up on the telly for "NEW Aquafresh Gentle Care Whitening Trays" that comes with a special toothpaste to prepare your teeth and gums in case the whitening agent bothers you.....Something that would have been nice to know about YES-TER-DAY!!!!!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Let Me Count the Reasons...
...That I will be going to Hell.
1. I am a bitch. After writing this, I got a lovely, sweet, long email from him. He even remebered to call me "Larry." Now who's the ass-hat?
2. I am selfish. Friday is Rich's birthday and I'm seriously considering leaving for the weekend because I know he'll actually be in town to manage the kids and I need to to GET AWAY FROM HERE! I almost do not even care if I find a girlfriend to come with, Ill go by my damn self. SERENITY NOW!!!
3. I am vengeful. As revenge for Rich being an utterly unreasonable asshole, I am exacting my revenge by wielding my credit card all over the internet. He may be an ass, but my ass is going to look damn cute in those jeans.
4. My frined had a baby, and when I met the baby my first reaction was to recoil in shock. It was a scary, ugly baby. WHO reacts that way to a baby? People going to hell, that's who.
1. I am a bitch. After writing this, I got a lovely, sweet, long email from him. He even remebered to call me "Larry." Now who's the ass-hat?
2. I am selfish. Friday is Rich's birthday and I'm seriously considering leaving for the weekend because I know he'll actually be in town to manage the kids and I need to to GET AWAY FROM HERE! I almost do not even care if I find a girlfriend to come with, Ill go by my damn self. SERENITY NOW!!!
3. I am vengeful. As revenge for Rich being an utterly unreasonable asshole, I am exacting my revenge by wielding my credit card all over the internet. He may be an ass, but my ass is going to look damn cute in those jeans.
4. My frined had a baby, and when I met the baby my first reaction was to recoil in shock. It was a scary, ugly baby. WHO reacts that way to a baby? People going to hell, that's who.
Friends
So, here is a good example of why I do not let my fb life and my blog life intersect. Get a load of this friend request...
"MaryBeth, I know you'll NEVER add me to to your friend list in real life, but maybe you will here on facebook world. I have a 100% friend acceptance rate and am curious to see if you will be the one to break that chain of success."
Now in all fairness, this is an ass-hat I chased down to the church parking lot to yell at him. And called him an arrogant, self-absorbed ass-hat on numerous occasions. Because he is. so, he is justified in his assertion that I would NEVER give him the time of day in real life. However, isn't it just further evidence of his self-absorbed and narcissistic manner to challenge me to break his "100% acceptance rate?" Good Grief! Go love yourself in the mirror a little more. Good to see that 8 years hasn't changed you a bit you arrogant, self-absorbed, ass-hat.
I sent this reply:
"I'll add you. You get points for giving me a good laugh. Seriously, hope all is well with you and yours. I think I heard that you finally quit sowing the oats and got married?!@$@!? Ill start a series of novenas for that poor, poor, long-suffering woman immediately. The fact that she has neither divorced you nor killed you in your sleep speaks to her sainthood. Still playing navy?"
The upside here is that you can all plainly see that I don't really talk about people behind their backs. I generally only say things I am willing to say directly to you. The problem is, I'm generally willing to say just about anything directly to you.
"MaryBeth, I know you'll NEVER add me to to your friend list in real life, but maybe you will here on facebook world. I have a 100% friend acceptance rate and am curious to see if you will be the one to break that chain of success."
Now in all fairness, this is an ass-hat I chased down to the church parking lot to yell at him. And called him an arrogant, self-absorbed ass-hat on numerous occasions. Because he is. so, he is justified in his assertion that I would NEVER give him the time of day in real life. However, isn't it just further evidence of his self-absorbed and narcissistic manner to challenge me to break his "100% acceptance rate?" Good Grief! Go love yourself in the mirror a little more. Good to see that 8 years hasn't changed you a bit you arrogant, self-absorbed, ass-hat.
I sent this reply:
"I'll add you. You get points for giving me a good laugh. Seriously, hope all is well with you and yours. I think I heard that you finally quit sowing the oats and got married?!@$@!? Ill start a series of novenas for that poor, poor, long-suffering woman immediately. The fact that she has neither divorced you nor killed you in your sleep speaks to her sainthood. Still playing navy?"
The upside here is that you can all plainly see that I don't really talk about people behind their backs. I generally only say things I am willing to say directly to you. The problem is, I'm generally willing to say just about anything directly to you.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Free Prying Questions With Purchase (Now Edited to Include Reader Participation!)
Yesterday found me at Target to buy supplies for Connor's project, Benadryl for his rash, and coffee creamer for my survival.
So, it is odd then, that when I checked out I had about a bazillion dollars worth of new lingerie. They have cute stuff there people! And, their 32A gel push-ups are one of the two best bras I've ever found for my "petite" physique. Anyways, I was checking out with about 8 or 9 matching sets of very pretty (and a little "racy") things. The checker-outer is going about her scanning of the many items and then stops abruptly. She has an eggplant colored lacy bra in her hand as she looks up at me and says,
"So, did you just get a divorce?"
AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION NOW REQUIRED:
Slynnro makes a good point in the comments. On the outside I stared at her blankly and said something really eloquent like, "uuummm, no." On the inside I was lecturing her that "if more married women were wearing this stuff regularly maybe there would be less divorces" and some other snarky comments about "married people get laid too, ya know."
NOW, I want to know what YOU would have said!!!!!
So, it is odd then, that when I checked out I had about a bazillion dollars worth of new lingerie. They have cute stuff there people! And, their 32A gel push-ups are one of the two best bras I've ever found for my "petite" physique. Anyways, I was checking out with about 8 or 9 matching sets of very pretty (and a little "racy") things. The checker-outer is going about her scanning of the many items and then stops abruptly. She has an eggplant colored lacy bra in her hand as she looks up at me and says,
"So, did you just get a divorce?"
AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION NOW REQUIRED:
Slynnro makes a good point in the comments. On the outside I stared at her blankly and said something really eloquent like, "uuummm, no." On the inside I was lecturing her that "if more married women were wearing this stuff regularly maybe there would be less divorces" and some other snarky comments about "married people get laid too, ya know."
NOW, I want to know what YOU would have said!!!!!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Royalties Could Pay Off My New Floors!
Dear JC Penney,
Are you reading my blog? I'd like my royalty check please. AND, do you REALLY think today's hipsters even get your reference to The Breakfast Club? I mean, its not like every parent runs around quoting the brat pack like I do. However, if you want to keep going in this direction can I suggest a commercial set to OMD's "If You Leave" advertising all pink clothing and accessories?
Are you reading my blog? I'd like my royalty check please. AND, do you REALLY think today's hipsters even get your reference to The Breakfast Club? I mean, its not like every parent runs around quoting the brat pack like I do. However, if you want to keep going in this direction can I suggest a commercial set to OMD's "If You Leave" advertising all pink clothing and accessories?
Thursday, July 31, 2008
A Quick Post So That You Don't Forget About Me
And, if that title does not cause your brain to conjure up the song, "doooo'nt yooouu forget about me. don't, don't , don't for-get about me..." Then you are too young , I don't like you anymore, and you are so NOT invited to any of my Breakfast Club parties.
So, my hormones are so out of whack that I, in the absence of salt and vinegar potato chips, am considering heading to the closest ranch and fighting the cattle for a turn at the salt lick. Is this part of getting older? this salt craving? Why am I not craving CHOCOLATE?
So, my hormones are so out of whack that I, in the absence of salt and vinegar potato chips, am considering heading to the closest ranch and fighting the cattle for a turn at the salt lick. Is this part of getting older? this salt craving? Why am I not craving CHOCOLATE?
Thursday, July 17, 2008
I LOVE YOU CHELSEA! and WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?
I want to rename my blog so so so so so so so so badly!!!!! Was at Barnes and Noble today when the clouds parted and rays of glorious, ethereal sunlight highlighted this cover...
look through the archives and comments.....you KNOW my new name should be Are You There Vodka? It's Me, MaryB
I have a feeling that Ms. Handler's lawyers might have a few unpleasant meetings with me regarding copyright infringement or IP issues though. Oh well, in your heads, you can all now pretend that that is the new name of this blog. Or, **SUDDEN BRAINSTORM** it COULD BE my new tagline! HA! Yes. AND THEN you can all go to Blogstle and I will mix up fabulous vodka concoctions for everyone!!!
You're all putting this on your reading lists right now, right?
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