Excuse me.....

But what the hell is this?????

Fail....But Then Success...And Then Maybe More Fail

So, my beloved WHBM failed me. They will not be getting that cute, white, tiered top in stores, in a size that will fit me, and I do not have time to order one. The good news is that I will now be wearing an outfit that cost me exactly ZE-RO dol-lah! Yea!

For those of you who may care (very very few and I don't know why even they would care) I'll be wearing the red strapless top (but with the velvet sash tied in the back)borrowed from Jennifer, and my very favorite black pants ever. The wide legs could NOT be worn with such a gathered, full top! The other good news is that someone, an angel possibly, returned the necklace I have been lusting after at WHBM... and I still had my trusty, dusty gift card! So, now I have two pretty necklaces to choose from on Saturday, and the the one I do not wear will get prettily wrapped and hidden in a stocking by Santa himself on Christmas Eve! Win-win all around. So, yeah! (But, SOMEONE please buy that white top - it is bee-ooo-ti-ful!)

So, how are all of you Santas doing checking off your lists???? I need to sit down and re-assess the status of the lists after I get all the nosey children into their beds! I am usually D.O.N.E. by now. And, by done, I mean bought, wrapped, hidden, separated, and Ready To Go! And all out of town gifts, wrapped, packed, and shipped. The big sickness of 2008 really took a toll and I am so so far behind this year! I do not even have a Christmas card picture taken! I'm thinking we will all wear black and white and send out one of those fun silvery New Year's cards this year. OMG - that will ROYALLY piss off my husband! But, seriously, did you notice up there how I fill my own stocking??? I do EVERYTHING in terms of the holidays with the exception of hanging the outside lights. So, he should just shut it, right????? Speaking of this, I've been meaning to ask you girls... Do you select and buy the gifts for your spouse's parents/family? I mean SERIOUSLY, doesn't it stand to reason that HE would have a better idea of what to get his father than I would???

Am I loser if I really do send out New Year's Cards? People must do it, since they make them now. Ill make them really cute, I promise!

Another Cost Cutting Measure I would Avoid

Forever 21. Holy Crap. That stuff looks sooooo cute online. In person - total C.R.A.P.!!! As if the prices shouldnt have told me this BEFORE venturing there. Fabrics = crap. Construction = crap. Size regulation = crap.



The winning outfit for the holiday party for which it will be FREEZING and we will be venturing outside (basically glorified bar hopping for grown ups):



NECKLACE:


TOP: ( I think I have finally used up all of my WHBM gift certificate with this purchase!)

PANTS: (this picure doesnt accurately portray just how WIDE-leg they really are...)

Unfortunately I Am NOT Forever 21

Do you have to be under 30 to get away with wearing opaque tights with a party dress? I think the trend is totally adorable, but am thinking that a girl my age might look like she is trying too hard to be younger than she is. And, ironically, people who try to dress too young for their age tend to look OLDER than their age, doncha think?

The root cause of this dilemma??? This dress...The second I saw it, I just knew it would be perfect with opaque black tights and some black, very tall, ankle-strap heels...



That is what I WANT to wear. In reality, Ill probably end up wearing this top (because I already have it) with some wide leg back crepe trousers....UNLESS any of you can convince me otherwise!

Free Prying Questions With Purchase (Now Edited to Include Reader Participation!)

Yesterday found me at Target to buy supplies for Connor's project, Benadryl for his rash, and coffee creamer for my survival.

So, it is odd then, that when I checked out I had about a bazillion dollars worth of new lingerie. They have cute stuff there people! And, their 32A gel push-ups are one of the two best bras I've ever found for my "petite" physique. Anyways, I was checking out with about 8 or 9 matching sets of very pretty (and a little "racy") things. The checker-outer is going about her scanning of the many items and then stops abruptly. She has an eggplant colored lacy bra in her hand as she looks up at me and says,



"So, did you just get a divorce?"

AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION NOW REQUIRED:
Slynnro makes a good point in the comments. On the outside I stared at her blankly and said something really eloquent like, "uuummm, no." On the inside I was lecturing her that "if more married women were wearing this stuff regularly maybe there would be less divorces" and some other snarky comments about "married people get laid too, ya know."
NOW, I want to know what YOU would have said!!!!!

I Like Opinions When They Are Not Displayed On Your Car Or In Your Yard

So, give some more opinions. Here, on a blog. Where opinions belong.

**Cute, too childish, or ugly?

**Cream blush? Do you use it? Why do you or don't you like it better than powder blush?

**Patent Leather Leggings??? If you want a pair of these, PLEASE explain them to me!

**Ombre? Love it or hate it?

Past and Present

In the past: Dressed to impress or be validated by other women at a party

Now: Just want a "wow!" moment from Rich.

Does aging breed insecurity?

Headless MaryB: Audience Participation Required **Now Updated to Answer Viewer Questions**

Fronts and backs of dresses. Links to each so that you can see more detail of the actual dresses at bottom of post. Feel Free tot ell me that I ZERO fashion sense and to start all over. BIGGEST LESSONS OF THESE PHOTOS: 1)The camera DOES add at least a few pounds if not 10! 2) I am NOT 25 anymore! AND 3) I am NOT comfortable AT ALL posting photos of my full-length self on the blog.

You are required to dress me. Pick a dress or, like I said before, tell me to start over! Suggest shoes, accessories, bags. Do not have to be specific ones (although that is appreciated!) - just ideas of colors, shapes, designs to look for.




























Damn the new cute background...I took the time to line them all up so that fronts and backs were side-by-side. Now they do not fit in that configuration!

Oh, and here are the links:

Dress A
Dress B
Dress C

Your Questions Answered:

1. What does Rich like? Rich does not currently have a favorite - Well, he did but I disliked it so much I wouldn't bring it home. Here it is.
2. Am I wearing hose? In the pictures, yes. i have the knee phobia. HATE my knees, and they look even worse as I think one of my kneecaps isn't exactly completely connected anymore. Cheerleading is BAD to knees. As for will I wear them? Well, now, THAT is part of YOUR job. Girl at store says coloreds are back in???? Seriously? And she had these teeny-tiny fishnet patterned stockings? Feels a little hooker-esque to me????? But I hate my knees and I like peep-toes! WHAT is a girl to do? (I often use spray-on)
3. Do you feel better in Dress A? Well, no. I think I feel about the same in all of them. I do have knee "issues" and I feel that dress A makes my arse look wide (but not as wide as in the photo) and I feel that dress B makes me look "hippy" but that is the way the dress is gathered. Dress C I have worn before and love. It has more of an empire waist effect in person (maybe the camera angle at fault?) And, my dear, dear husband in his efforts to not die informs me that I look thinner in them in person. He says that since I made him exclude my head from the photos that the angle is all goofy and makes me look wider. He is usually BRU-TAL-LY honest - the kind of honest many husbands do not get away with - so I take him at his word. (I've got some good examples of his honesty if you ever need some entertainment.)
4. Not a question, but added info - Their site on "The Knot" (Oh thank the goodlawhd this didn't exist when I got hitched!) declares the dress code to be "Dinner Dressy Coat and Tie." WTH does that mean? I just assumed evening wedding at the cathedral and FW Club inferred suit and tie?? And to me, suit and tie means cocktail dresses or such for the ladies. Coat and tie? NotSoMuch.
5. Why so stuck on the WHBM? Well, because my darling husband just plunked down a very tidy sum of money to cater to my furniture pickiness and has remodeled my kitchen and family rooms. And need I mention the state of the economy? And I do love "the market" - so many cute dresses all in one place! The clincher - I have substantial gift card to spend there. (also- their vanity sizing is RIDICULOUS and I have to admit to getting a high from purchasing clothes in the size that fits there. Yes, illogical and stupid. Can't be helped.)

It's 10:30 Somewhere!

The bad news: I had to choose between blogging and cleaning up my horrid mess of a kitchen (why I usually do not make big roast beef dinners on the weeknights!). The kitchen won out. It was a disaster.

The good news: The delay means I got a few more votes. What is it with you people and wanting the easy recipes???? Just kidding!! I know, life is crazy-ass busy.

The verdicts: 1) Easy, but Mandy has a neighborhood party and she is thinking she would like to bring a dessert type offering. 2)Also, I am going to have to make Rich take pictures of yours truly in the dresses. There will be no head in the pictures, I am telling you right now. Neck down only. If I go through with this plan you will be required to not only vote on a dress, but also to suggest accessories and shoes, and any other pertinent info. For example, the young, cute thing at WHBM informed me that people are wearing gray and black stockings again? Is she confused? If true, however, might influence my dress choice as the one I like the most is a bit short, and I have ugly knees. Gray stockings would take care of this problem I think. Are fishnets acceptable? They are darn cute in the catalog!

Well, it is one of my three favorite months of the year, OCTOBER! That means fall, leaves, and my favorite, PUMPKIN!!! Pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin seeds, pumpkin tempura...any and all things pumpkin. Therefore, I think a party or gathering of any pot-luck sort in October should be graced with pumpkin. I have about a million ideas. My favorite is pumpkin fudge, but it requires a candy thermometer, which, I'm guessing precludes it from being in the "easy" category? The easiest, and also very tasty, is pumpkin dip. You probably already have a recipe for this, but on the off-chance that you do not, here it is:

Pumpkin Dip with Ginger Snaps

2 8 oz packages cream cheese

4 cups confectioners sugar (better if you sift)

30 oz can pumpkin pie mix

2 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp ground ginger

(sometimes I add a touch of vanilla)

Combine cream cheese and sugar with electric mixer until smooth and creamy. Add in the rest of the ingredients and blend until well combined.

Serve in a pie-sized, hollowed-out pumpkin. Serve with ginger snaps. I have also served with apple slices, pretzels, and have also made stuffed french toast with these leftovers as the filling.

Trader Tuesday - NEED YOUR INPUT! And, Some Bonus Whining

I'm having trouble focusing on my Trader Tuesday contribution. So, here's the plan. You are all going to help me out. Tell me what kind of recipe you are interested in today. Quick dinner ala Sandara Lee's Semi-homemade style? Or fancy-pants, send children away for the night, impress the hubs dinner ? Quick and easy dessert? Showy dessert? Old southern favs? One caveat - I DO NOT fry chicken at home. Ever. So, don't ask me about that. Ill post at 10:30, so get those requests in!

Reasons I cannot focus:

• Too long of a to-do list
• Fall Festival
• Obsessing about dress for wedding. If I get brave Ill take pics of myself in all three and you can vote. Or, not. My internet bravado has its limits.
• Damn family always needs to be fed
• Choosing furniture (read: OBSESSING!)
• Pissed off that the eldest got not one, BUT TWO, detentions! And would you effing believe that one of them was for SOCKS!!!!!
• Other general, pissiness of both the friend and marital nature.
• Went to Pilates for first time since December. Might I suggest that you do not ever take 10 months off of an activity you plan to continue? It hurts both your muscles and YOUR EGO very, very much.

Superficial and Random

I WANT long hair!!!!!! I do NOT WANT to pay like, $2K for extensions. So, who has ideas? Any of you take any special vitamins while trying to grow your hair out? Special shampoos and/or treatments? How did you survive the supremely annoying and miserable growing out process?

This will probably be the biggest failure of a project in the history of hair projects. My thin, fine half-curly, half-straight hair probably has no business being long.

It is now appropriate to wear black to weddings, no? I need to know. I have a wedding to attend very soon and am planning on wearing my favorite dress again. (and if I don't wear that one, then I want this one or this one!) There is that small southern voice in me, though, saying "you can't wear black to a wedding, MaryB." Opinions, please. Black - okay or not okay. Dresses - which one? Wear the old one and get some really hot shoes or get a new one?

If I do wear that dress...do I wear black shoes? Is that too boring? What if I take a BRIGHT fuchsia satin clutch? (it is so very cute) Then what? I need accessory help.

Dear Rich,

I realize you are gift-giving challenged. Allow me to help you by presenting a small, certainly not comprehensive, list of sure fire birthday pleasers.

I don't usually like the thicker heels, but these shoes speak to me. I love classics and these are updated spectators. What's more classic than a shirt dress, trench coat, or spectators?

BUT, I want this dress in teak, not this coral color.

(Thank you, Slynnro!)

My bottle is running low, and I broke the spritzer head by dropping it on the tile.

Love this dress - so many ways to accessorize, and so figure flattering. Would be so cute with those shoes up at the top!

I have too many red dresses, but they are all summer dresses. This one I could wear through the fall.

There are so many more things that would bring a smile to may face, but these are a good place to start. Of course nothing would put a bigger smile on my face than a night on the town with you! A room at the Ashton and a night in Fort Worth would be a no-fail option also!

Love,

Your-soon-to-be-a-year-older wife, MaryB

And a Good Time was Had By All

I am having a hard time readjusting to normal life. Especially since normal life really is not normal life. I came home to a house torn down to the studs in my kitchen/family room. There are workmen of some sort or another here all the time. It is progress, exciting progress, but it is definitely not normal life. Vacation was WONDERFUL! There were some more pics I wanted to include but someone's hubs forbid me to post pictures of him without his written consent. I think he was kidding, but in the end, he wins because the adorable pictures of him and the adorable AJ left with Rich on the laptop. These will have to do for now. (Please keep in mind that I am NOT a photographer like Tracy or Paige!) It just figures that the only picture of me was taken the day I wore the bathing suit that I hate the most due to its unflattering nature! Grant turned 5 while at the beach! He loved his Kung Fu Panda cake, but was utterly TRAUMATIZED by the sombrero, singing, and smearing of whipped cream on his face at the Mexican restaurant. Seriously, it was bad. He was inconsolably sad. Thank God for my brilliant idea to let him open his presents to pull him out of his funk! And thank Ya-Ya Ma for getting him the Speed Racer that was just the thing that pulled him back into HappyLand!

So sweet, it will rot your teeth right the heck out!

There are no words for my happiness at seeing my and el-e-e's friendship pass down to the next generation!


WHAT kind of face is that you ask??? The face of a kid who REALLY doesn't want his picture taken, yet has been bribed for his compliance.


Summer Bliss!

Hey! My kid is UNDER the water!



Um, mom, if you keep calling my name to take my picture I'm going to get tagged and have to be Marco!


Yep, we built this, uh-huh, SUUURRE we did!


WHY WHY WHY was I wearing THIS damn suit and NOT one of the two I had like 8 million compliments on??? Also, could it not have been taken the day after I recovered from the salmonella poisoning and had the flattest stomach ever? So flat in fact, that my bathing suits would fall down!


No, Grant, we can't see you AT ALL! Nope, not a bit!

Taking a break from the sun and sand. I swear these cousins have a blast doing ANYTHING at all together!

I love that all the cousins love each other SO MUCH! But, WHEN did they get so damned old?

The requested, but oh-so-elusive, Kung-Fu Panda cake!

The incident that shall not be named. Aren't we great parents? His bottom lip is ACTUALLY quivering in this picure, and what are we DOING? Are we trying to console him? No, we are taking pictures to document his humiliation and misery.

See, Tebow was happy BEFORE they smeared whipped cream all over his face and laughed at him! Take note, future bride of Grant, there will be no cake smearing!

Edited to add...Grant just walked by as Connor and I were looking at the messy face picture. He became angry and indignantly declared, "Top lookee at dat!! It is NOT funny!"

A HUGE Thank You!

I would like to thank you all for not pointing out the poor fashion and hair choices of the mid-90s in my anniversary post. There were oh-so-many you could have ridiculed! I assure you that I ridiculed myself looking back over them. I would just like to remind you all (since most of you are younger than me) that these were era appropriate - not my fault. Blame the media or style icons of the time. Have you watched any really old Friends episodes? Monica's jean waistband is half-way up her back and the legs of her jeans are tapered! See? not me - just the decade!

Had to publish this to ease my insane obsessing that you all think I am a total dork after seeing those pictures!

More Help Please!

Here is the deal...The old PTO officers are hosting a Mom's Night Out tonight. They are doing this partly to introduce myself and the other new officers around. Here is my dilemma: It is at a pub/bar. A pub/bar that is somewhat popular among the young, trendy peeps in the neighborhood. What I would wear to this place on any given Friday night is not exactly what I would wear to most any school function. So, which is it? Is it a night out with the girls? Like, you know, 50 of my nearest and dearest (insert sarcasm)? OR do I cover up a bit more? Not that I'm wearing hot pants and a Britney-esque bustier in either case, but do you see what I'm saying here? It is also odd because I'm a good deal younger than the average mom at school. Well, except for my VP who is all of 27.

OMG - do I over think things or what?

Game Over

Texas wins. We are probably heading back to the ranch next weekend. So, I am purchasing either these or these.

Is it time to rename the blog?

Moronity - Is that a word?

I am a moron. Who forgets to put sunscreen on their shoulders whilst wearing a sleeveless shirt to run/walk on the first sunny days of the spring season? Me that's who. Not once, but twice. So, won't that tan line look lovely with this Easter dress????

On the bright side, I think this is the first, and probably last/only, time that I think the dress looks better on me than on the model...Or, possibly I am delusional, but I don't think so. This dress makes her very Twiggy self look bigger than she is (NOT big - just bigger than she is). I think the dress makes me look smaller and thinner than I am. Or, maybe it is because in the picture you can't see how the chiffon floats around a much more slender silhouette underneath.

Moral of the story - Don't forget your sunscreen - especially if you are planning to wear a strapless dress.

NEVER...

...is exactly the last time I heard the words "last call" two nights in a row.

Photographic evidence of 8 hours of deteriorating class:

Aren't we lovely? ( However, I have to say that while I LOVE my Bare Minerals, I am noticing that they do not photograph well when a flash is involved.) My dress is now my prized possession. I have never bought anything off the rack that fit like it had been custom tailored to fit only me. Somebody needs to be throwing some parties or something so that I can wear it again pronto!

I love my SusannaBanana, and I also love pear cider at the Saucer.

After some more pear cider my cheeks get red. And, he said he would take our picture if he could take a picture with me too. The resulting hours of talking politics and religion and life with two people (who talk mostly to my boobs (thank you Victoria for sharing your secrets!!)) who are still so young and so idealistic that their world is still all black and white is made bearable, and in fact entertaining, with more cider.

How many martinis does it take before Susan turns into a possessed leprechaun?

There are no pictures from night two because you cannot stop singing, dancing, clapping, and laughing long enough at the Dueling Pianos to bother with the camera. (should have though!) And, it was so dark and chill in the Scat Jazz club that it would have ruined the atmosphere to shock everyone with a camera flash.

I'd love to tell you more, but, um, well, my mother reads this blog, and have I mentioned that my father is a deacon? Also, it would involve an actual candidate for US Congress. Let's just say that "Stella" got her groove back.

A Tweenager on Fashion

8pm food diary (Jan 24):
*organic oatmeal and 2 slices turkey bacon
*triscuits (I eat alot of triscuits!)
*Wendy's Junior cheeseburger
*a couple of Grant's fries
*small salad and bowl of chicken soup
*4 hershey kisses (damn those pretty red foil wrappers!)
*2 apple slices


First Jamie says, "Hey, mom, that shirt you're wearing looks like a grandma shirt."

I respond, "I've never seen your Grandmother wear a shirt that looks remotely like this. And she doesn't shop at Banana Republic."

Then he says, "Well, it looks like some other old lady then."


A few minutes later he says, "Those boots look like the ones on the mean nanny with the whip on the Charter commercial where the mom blocks out TV shows."


So, I guess I am an old-lady-wanna-be-hooker-dominatrix-chic.

I don't think that's what I was going for.